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Funny Quotes about Life
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Funny Quotes about Stone

Write your Sad times in Sand,
Write your Good times in Stone.
- George Bernard Shaw

Revenge... is like a rolling stone,
which, when a man hath forced up a hill,
will return upon him with a greater violence,
and break those bones whose sinews gave it motion.
- Albert Schweitzer

Who made the rule that life has to be so serious?
One would think that "life is serious" had been engraved
upon stone tablets to judge from how most lives are lived.
Get a life, smile broadly, sing loudly,
paint your rooms in bold colors,
search every rabbit hole for a magical white bunny,
have caviar for breakfast and oatmeal for dinner,
wear a purple coat with a red hat - dance lightly with life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Character is always known.
Thefts never enrich;
alms never impoverish;
murder will speak out of stone walls.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

What you leave behind is not what
is engraved in stone monuments,
but what is woven into the lives of others.
- Pericles

Love doesn't just sit there like a stone;
it has to be made,like bread,
remade all the time, made new.
- Ursula K. Le Guin

The finest workers in stone are not copper or steel tools,
but the gentle touches of air and water
working at their leisure with a liberal allowance of time.
- Henry David Thoreau

Pick up a stone that feels good to you
and is small enough to hold in one hand.
Consider how long that stone has been around
and what enormous pressure it has experienced.
Draw strength from its long history.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Be careful the friends you choose -
for you will become like them.
- W. Clement Stone

It does not do to dwell on dreams, ...
and forget to live.
- the movie Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone

I wanted to know the name of every stone
and flower and insect and bird and beast.
I wanted to know where it got its color, where it got its life -
but there was no one to tell me.
- George Washington Carver

Thinking will not overcome fear but action will.
- W. Clement Stone

A scientific man ought to have no wishes, no affections, -
a mere heart of stone.
- Charles Darwin

Every book is a quotation;
and every house is a quotation out of all forests,
and mines, and stone quarries;
and every man is a quotation from all his ancestors.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Men admire the man who can organize
their wishes and thoughts
in stone and wood and steel and brass.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Like everyone else I feel the need of relations and friendship,
of affection, of friendly intercourse,
and I am not made of stone or iron,
so I cannot miss these things without feeling,
as does any other intelligent man, a void and deep need.
I tell you this to let you know how much good your visit has done me.
- Vincent Van Gogh

I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought,
but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.
- Albert Einstein

Anyone who proposes to do good
must not expect people to roll stones out of his way,
but must accept his lot calmly,
even if they roll a few stones upon it.
- Albert Schweitzer

There are two kinds of stones,
as everyone knows,
one of which rolls.
- Amelia Earhart

March on. Do not tarry. To go forward
is to move toward perfection.
March on, and fear not the thorns,
or the sharp stones on life's path.
- Khalil Gibran

Sticks and stones may break my bones,
but words will never hurt me.
- schoolyard rhyme

It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed)

Half the people you know are below average.
- Anonymous

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world.
I know because I've done it thousands of times.
- Mark Twain

You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

I feel the need to express something,
but I don't know what it is I want to express.
- the movie Interiors

One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends
is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin

Yeah I called her up. She gave me a bunch of ...
about me not listening to her, or something.
I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.
- the movie Dumb & Dumber (1994)

Too bad all the people who know how to run this country
are busy running taxicabs or cutting hair.
- George Burns

You know, it takes two to get one in trouble.
- the movie She Done Him Wrong (1933)

He early on let her know who is the boss.
He looked her right in the eye and clearly said, "You're the boss."
- Anonymous humor

God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is,
he's stuck with so many bad actors
who don't know how to play funny.
- Garrison Keillor

If you don't know where you are going,
you might wind up someplace else.
- Yogi Berra

A relationship, I think, is like a shark.
You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall (1977)

You know what? Maybe there's a good reason
donkeys shouldn't talk.
- the movie Shrek (2001)

I'm sure we all agree that we ought to love one another
and I know there are people in the world
that do not love their fellow human beings
and I HATE people like that.
- Tom Lehrer

If you ask me anything I don't know,
I'm not going to answer.
- Yogi Berra

I am no longer young enough to know everything.
- Oscar Wilde

Too often the strong, silent man is silent only because
he does not know what to say, and is reputed strong
only because he has remained silent.
- Winston Churchill

The most difficult thing in the world
is to know how to do a thing
and to watch somebody else doing it wrong,
without comment.
- Theodore. H. White

We're more popular than Jesus now;
I don't know which will go first, rock 'n' roll or Christianity.
- John Lennon

There are four stages in a marriage.
First there's the affair,
then the marriage,
then children
and finally the fourth stage,
without which you cannot know a woman, the divorce.
- Norman Mailer

I don't know, I don't care,
and it doesn't make any difference!
- Albert Einstein

Do not bite at the bait of pleasure,
till you know there is no hook beneath it.
- Thomas Jefferson

Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer
but wish we didn't.
- Erica Jong

You know your god is man-made when he
hates all the same people you do.
- Anonymous

There are three hundred and sixty-four days
when you might get un-birthday presents,
and only one for birthday presents, you know.
- Lewis Carroll

You wanna know the meaning of life?
Fugedaboudit - It ain't happnin.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man,
and I hate people like that!
- Tom Lehrer

A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
- Steve Martin

Faith is believing what you know ain't so.
- Mark Twain

I love to shop after a bad relationship.
I don't know. I buy a new outfit
and it makes me feel better. It just does.
Sometimes I see a really great outfit,
I'll break up with someone on purpose.
- Rita Rudner

Know that the greatest fear is fear of the unknown.
Seek to meet the unknown with courage and a sense of adventure.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Faith: not wanting to know what is true.
- Friedrich Nietzsche

There's nothing you can know that isn't known.
- John Lennon

I refuse to answer that question
on the grounds that I don't know the answer
- Douglas Adams

Is it ignorance or apathy?
Hey, I don't know and I don't care.
- Jimmy Buffett

One should never know too precisely
whom one has married
- Friedrich Nietzsche

People who think they know everything
are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
- Isaac Asimov

All people know the same truth.
Our lives consist of how we chose to distort it.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

I am not young enough to know everything.
- Oscar Wilde

The trouble with the world is not
that people know too little,
but that they know so many things that ain't so.
- Mark Twain

I don't know which will go first - rock 'n' roll or Christianity.
- John Lennon

To know yet to think that one does not know is best;
Not to know yet to think that one knows
will lead to difficulty.
- Lao Tzu

You know that place between sleeping and awake,
that place where you can still remember dreaming?
That's where I'll always think of you.
- James M. Barrie

God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
the courage to change the things I can;
and the wisdom to know the difference.
- Reinhold Niebuhr (Serenity Prayer)

I know that God made the whole world in 4004 BC.
I know because my preacher told me. He's a good man.
He's even saving up all the money we give him
to go to bible college someday.
- Anonymous Humor

A person is smart. People are dumb,
panicky dangerous animals and you know it.
Fifteen hundred years ago everybody knew
the Earth was the center of the universe.
Five hundred years ago,
everybody knew the Earth was flat,
and fifteen minutes ago,
you knew that humans were alone on this planet.
Imagine what you'll know tomorrow.
- the movie Men in Black

If you don't know where you're going,
any road will take you there.
- Lewis Carroll
(Alice in Wonderland)

Stand Tall, Stand Proud.
Know that you are unique and magnificent.
You do not need the approval of others.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Christianity will go. It will vanish and shrink.
I needn't argue with that; I'm right and I will be proved right.
We're more popular than Jesus now;
I don't know which will go first - rock and roll or Christianity.
- John Lennon


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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