Funny Quotes about Elsewhere

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell -
you see, I have friends in both places.
- Mark Twain

Trees are the earth's endless effort
to speak to the listening heaven.
- Rabindranath Tagore

All religions must be tolerated...
for every man must get to heaven in his own way.
- Epictetus

If a man is called to be a street sweeper,
he should sweep streets even as Michelangelo painted,
or Beethoven composed music, or Shakespeare wrote poetry.
He should sweep streets so well that all the hosts
of heaven and earth will pause to say,
here lived a great street sweeper who did his job well.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Without stirring abroad,
One can know the whole world;
Without looking out of the window,
One can see the way of heaven.
The further one goes, The less one knows.
- Lao Tzu

Thy Return is as another Sun to Heaven;
a new Rose blooming in the Garden of the Soul.
- Omar Khayyam

The quality of mercy is not strained.
It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven
Upon the place beneath. It is twice blest:
It blesseth him that gives and him that takes.
- William Shakespeare

It is better to conquer yourself
than to win a thousand battles.
Then the victory is yours.
It cannot be taken from you,
not by angels or by demons, heaven or hell.
- The Buddha

Practice yourself, for heaven's sake in little things,
and then proceed to greater.
- Epictetus

Dance like no one is watching,
love like you'll never be hurt.
Sing like no one is listening.
Live life like it's heaven on earth.
- Anonymous (various attributions and alternate phrasings)

Heaven is within us, and we experience it
to the degree that we become conscious of it.
- Ernest Holmes

To everything there is a season,
and a time to every purpose under heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die.
- Ecclesiastes 3:1

Dear Father in heaven, I'm not a praying man,
but if you're up there and you can hear me ...
show me the way... show me the way.
- It's a Wonderful Life (1946 movie)

Sing like no one's listening,
love like you've never been hurt,
dance like nobody's watching,
and live like its heaven on earth.
- Mark Twain

To see the world in a grain of sand,
and to see heaven in a wild flower,
hold infinity in the palm of your hand,
and eternity in an hour.
- William Blake

Great indeed is the sublimity of the Creative,
to which all beings owe their beginning
and which permeates all heaven.
- Lao Tzu

Love like you've never been hurt,
dance like no one is watching,
live as though heaven is on earth.
- Satchel Paige

Our life of poverty is as necessary as the work itself.
Only in heaven will we see how much we owe to the poor
for helping us to love God better because of them.
- Mother Teresa

Jesus preached more and taught more
about helping the poor and the sick and the hungry
than he did about heaven and hell.
Shouldn't that tell us something?
- John Grisham

I feel no need for any other faith
than my faith in the kindness of human beings.
I am so absorbed in the wonder of earth and the life upon it
that I cannot think of heaven and angels.
- Pearl S. Buck

The things that have acquired unity are these:
Heaven by unity has become clear;
Earth by unity has become steady;
The Spirit by unity has become spiritual;
The Valley by unity has become full;
All things by unity have come into existence.
- Lao Tzu

May God grant you always...
A sunbeam to warm you,
a moonbeam to charm you,
a sheltering Angel so nothing can harm you.
Laughter to you.
Faithful friends near you.
And whenever you pray,
Heaven to hear you.
- Irish Blessing

Trees go wandering forth in all directions with every wind,
going and coming like ourselves,
traveling with us around the sun two million miles a day,
and through space heaven knows how fast and far!
- John Muir

There's a big difference between a handout and a helping hand.
One's charity, the other's friendship.
- Little Joe' Cartwright in Bonanza - Rain from Heaven

Life is like jumping out of an airplane without a parachute -
only the last couple seconds are fatal,
but most people are scared to death the whole way down.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Yesterday is like a dung heap;
you can complain about the smell,
or you can use it to fertilize tomorrow's garden.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Life is like a ten speed bicycle.
Most of us have gears we never use.
- Charles M. Schulz

Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek

If I had known what it would be like to have it all -
I might have been willing to settle for less.
- Lily Tomlin

Love is like an hourglass,
with the heart filling up as the brain empties.
- Jules Renard

Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter
quite like unrequited love.
- Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts comic

It's cookies, he smells like cookies,
and the smell gets stronger when he's in heat.
- the movie Michael

I'm not used to feeling so human.
Is it always like this?
- Edward, from Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer

Husbands should be like Kleenex:
soft, strong, and disposable.
- the movie Clue (1985)

A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler

Personally, I'm always ready to learn,
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill

It looks like we're up chocolate creek without a Popsicle stick!
- the movie Shrek 2 (2004)

I think you're the opposite of a paranoid.
I think you go around with the insane delusion that people like you.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain

I'd like to kiss ya, but I just washed ma hair.
- the movie The Cabin in the Cotton

Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes
in the hope of pulling out an eel.
- Leonardo da Vinci

Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde

A relationship, I think, is like a shark.
You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall (1977)

Life's like Vegas. You're up, you're down,
but in the end the house always wins.
Doesn't mean you didn't have fun.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

When you are courting a nice girl
an hour seems like a second.
When you sit on a red-hot cinder
a second seems like an hour.
That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein

The feeling of friendship is like that
of being comfortably filled with roast beef;
love, like being enlivened with champagne.
- Samuel Johnson

You can always tell when a man's well informed.
His views are pretty much like your own.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

There is so much that must be done
in a civilized barbarism like war.
- Amelia Earhart

Getting married is a lot like getting into a tub of hot water.
After you get used to it, it ain't so hot.
- Minnie Pearl

I don't like to think of laws
as rules you have to follow,
but more as suggestions.
- George Carlin

Politics is like football; if you see daylight, go through the hole.
- John F. Kennedy

Contrary to general belief,
I do not believe that friends are necessarily
the people you like best,
they are merely the people who got there first.
- Peter Ustinov

I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man,
and I hate people like that!
- Tom Lehrer

Technological progress is like an axe
in the hands of a pathological criminal.
- Albert Einstein

A wedding is just like a funeral
except that you get to smell your own flowers.
- Grace Hansen

It's so sweet, I feel like my teeth
are rotting when I listen to the radio.
- Bono

Too many people spend money they haven't earned,
to buy things they don't want,
to impress people they don't like.
- Will Rogers

Procrastination is like a credit card:
it's a lot of fun until you get the bill.
- Christopher Parker

Advice is seldom welcome,
and those who need it the most, like it the least.
- Lord Chesterfield

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May the world be kind to you,
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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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Funny Quotes about Elsewhere

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