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Funny Quotes about Life
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Funny Quotes about Elder

If you wish to succeed in life,
make perseverance your bosom friend,
experience your wise counselor,
caution your elder brother,
and hope your guardian genius.
- Joseph Addison

For the very first time the young are
seeing history being made
before it is censored by their elders.
- Margaret Mead

Thanks to television, for the first time
the young are seeing history made
before it is censored by their elders.
- Margaret Mead

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living;
the world owes you nothing; it was here first.
- Mark Twain

The first sigh of love is the last breath of wisdom.
- Anonymous

If he's first class, I'm traveling steerage.
- the movie Libeled Lady (1936)

I am a man of fixed and unbending principles,
the first of which is to be flexible at all times.
- Everett Dirksen

Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy,
the first question I ask myself is:
is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
- Rita Rudner

When I eventually met Mr. Right
I had no idea that his first name was Always.
- Rita Rudner

Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde

If at first you don't succeed,
skydiving is not for you.
- Anonymous

When I first saw you, I thought you were handsome.
Then, of course, you spoke.
- the movie As Good As It Gets (1997)

There are four stages in a marriage.
First there's the affair,
then the marriage,
then children
and finally the fourth stage,
without which you cannot know a woman, the divorce.
- Norman Mailer

We're more popular than Jesus now;
I don't know which will go first, rock 'n' roll or Christianity.
- John Lennon

Smile first thing in the morning. Get it over with.
- W. C. Fields

Getting fired is nature's way to telling you
that you had the wrong job in the first place.
- Hal Lancaster

I don't know which will go first - rock 'n' roll or Christianity.
- John Lennon

One's first love is always perfect
until one meets one's second love.
- Elizabeth Aston

Contrary to general belief,
I do not believe that friends are necessarily
the people you like best,
they are merely the people who got there first.
- Peter Ustinov

Many a man owes his success to his first wife
and his second wife to his success.
- Jim Backus

The physician can bury his mistakes,
but the architect can only advise his client to plant vines -
so they should go as far as possible from home
to build their first buildings.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

If at first you don't succeed,
try, try, and try again.
Then give up.
There's no use being a damned fool about it.
- W. C. Fields

There are two kinds of people,
those who do the work,
and those who take the credit.
Try to be in the first group;
there is less competition there.
- Indira Gandhi

The only true love is love at first sight;
second sight dispels it.
- Israel Zangwill

Get the facts first.
You can distort them later.
- Mark Twain

After the first blush of sin, comes its indifference.
- Henry David Thoreau

Those who have free seats at a play hiss first.
- Chinese Proverb

Life is uncertain; always eat dessert first.
- Anonymous

Faith is taking the first step,
even when you don't see the whole staircase.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

When we step on the battlefield, I will be
The First Boots On and the Last Boots Off.
- LtG. Hal Moore

Christianity will go. It will vanish and shrink.
I needn't argue with that; I'm right and I will be proved right.
We're more popular than Jesus now;
I don't know which will go first - rock and roll or Christianity.
- John Lennon

Always be a first-rate version of yourself,
instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.
- Judy Garland

Tolerance is the first principle of community;
it is the spirit which conserves
the best that all men think.
- Helen Keller

Today is the first day of the rest of your life.
- Anonymous

To climb steep hills requires a slow pace at first.
- William Shakespeare

Belief is a virus, and once it gets into you,
its first order of business is to preserve itself,
and the way it preserves itself
is to keep you from having any doubts,
and the way it keeps you from doubting
is to blind you to the way things really are.
- Philip Caputo

All things at first appear difficult.
- Chinese proverb

Seek first to understand,
then to be understood.
- Stephen Covey

Apathy, indifference, not caring...
It may sound insensitive for me to say, "I don't care,"
but ask first to what I am indifferent.
I choose to be caring, compassionate
and kind toward all people,
and I also choose to be indifferent to gossip,
petty complaints, and idle chatter.
About those, I just don't care.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

BERLIN: PROCLAMATION TO THE GERMAN NATION FEBRUARY 1, 1933
The National Government will regard it as its first and foremost duty
to revive in the nation the spirit of unity and co-operation.
It will preserve and defend those basic principles
on which our nation has been built.
It regards Christianity as the foundation of our national morality,
and the family as the basis of national life....
- Adolf Hitler

The first quality that is needed is audacity.
- Winston Churchill

During the first period of a man's life
the greatest danger is not to take the risk.
- Soren Kierkegaard

Lovers who have been left, lose confidence and become afraid.
They learn to leave relationships first.
The broken hearted become the heart breakers.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Take a deep breath and do the difficult thing first.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Experience is a hard teacher.
She gives the test first
and the lessons afterwards.
- Anonymous

First they ignore you, then they laugh at you,
then they fight you, then you win.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Okay, here's your first lesson: how to take a FALL!
- the movie Karate Kid

Give thanks for the rainbows, for the butterflies,
for all God's creatures - large and small,
for the bright blue sky and the soft fog and the gentle rain,
for the tree veiled in the season's first frost,
for the baby's laugh, for the touch of a hand
and the whispered "I love you."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Know, first, who you are, and then adorn yourself accordingly.
- Epictetus

Life ... is like a parachute jump:
you have to get it right the first time.
- Margaret Mead

Give me six hours to chop down a tree
and I will spend the first four sharpening the axe.
- Abraham Lincoln

In rivers, the water that you touch
is the last of what has passed
and the first of that which comes;
so with present time.
- Leonardo da Vinci

The care of human life and happiness, and not their destruction,
is the first and only object of good government.
- Thomas Jefferson

First say to yourself what you would be;
then do what you have to do.
- Epictetus

In order to succeed, you must first be willing to fail.
- Anonymous

You have a row of dominoes set up;
you knock over the first one,
and what will happen to the last one
is that it will go over very quickly.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

"Think simple" as my old master used to say -
meaning reduce the whole of its parts
into the simplest terms,
getting back to first principles.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all of our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time
- T. S. Eliot

A little simplification would be
the first step toward rational living.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

Self-trust is the first secret of success.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

The first wealth is health.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Let every day be the first day
of the rest of your life,
but especially let today be a new beginning.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Let him that would move the world first move himself.
- Socrates

Whatever America hopes to bring to pass in the world
must first come to pass in the heart of America.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

Nothing happens unless first a dream.
- Carl Sandburg

We first make our habits, then our habits make us.
- John Dryden

Today, I Do What Is Important To Me, First.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Self-confidence is the first requisite to great undertakings.
- Samuel Johnson

Be gentle first with yourself -
if you wish to be gentle with others.
- Lama Yeshe

Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom.
- Thomas Jefferson

The secret of getting ahead is getting started.
The secret of getting started is
breaking your complex overwhelming tasks
into small manageable tasks,
and starting on the first one.
- Mark Twain


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.