Enter one or two keywords to search these Funny Quotes.

Hint: keep it simple, like life twain

Funny Quotes about Life
Funny Quotes about Life | Funny Love Quotes | About
Search:   A-   B-   Ca-   Co-   D-   E-   F-   G-   H-    I-    J-K-L   M-   N-O   Pa-   Pr-   Q-R   Sa-   Sk-   T-   U-V-W-X-Y-Z
Follow my Humorous yet Insightful Quote of the Day by Email:

Funny Quotes about Christians

I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians.
Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

If someone had told me I would be Pope one day,
I would have studied harder.
- Pope John Paul I

Lord, grant that I might not so much
seek to be loved as to love.
- St. Francis of Assisi PHOTO

If you can't feed a hundred people, then feed just one.
- Mother Teresa

The Christian missionary may preach the gospel
to the poor naked heathen,
but the spiritual heathen who populate Europe
have as yet heard nothing of Christianity.
- Carl Jung

Anyone who thinks sitting in church
can make you a Christian must also think
that sitting in a garage can make you a car.
- Garrison Keillor

If Christ were here now there is one thing
he would not be - a Christian.
- Mark Twain

Do not let Sunday be taken from you.
If your soul has no Sunday, it becomes an orphan.
- Albert Schweitzer

Comfort and prosperity have never enriched
the world as much as adversity has.
- Billy Graham

For those of true faith, death is not a time to mourn,
but a time to celebrate returning to the Creator.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

In boundless love as a Christian and as a man
I read through the passage which tells us
how the Lord at last rose in His might
and seized the scourge to drive out of the Temple
the brood of vipers and of adders.
- Adolf Hitler

A new command I give you: Love one another.
As I have loved you, so you must love one another.
- Jesus of Nazareth (John 13:34)

If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need
but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him?
- 1 John 3:17

This too, shall pass.
- Bible

Our Lord has written the promise of the resurrection,
not in books alone, but in every leaf in spring-time.
- Martin Luther

I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted,
every hill and mountain shall be made low,
the rough places will be made straight
and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed
and all flesh shall see it together.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Christmas waves a magic wand over this world,
and behold, everything is softer and more beautiful.
- Norman Vincent Peale

Sunday clears away the rust of the whole week.
- Joseph Addison

To be a Christian without prayer
is no more possible than to be alive without breathing.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he.
- The Bible

We are all pencils in the hand of God.
- Mother Teresa

Let us touch the dying, the poor,
the lonely and the unwanted
according to the graces we have received
and let us not be ashamed
or slow to do the humble work.
- Mother Teresa

Joy is a net of love by which you can catch souls.
- Mother Teresa

When all is said and done,
the one sole condition that makes
spiritual happiness and preserves it
is the absence of doubt.
- Mark Twain

It is my desire, in the office of a Christian minister,
to do nothing which I cannot do with my whole heart.
Having said this, I have said all.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

If you believe in forever,
then life is just a one night stand.
- The Righteous Brothers

"Just living is not enough," said the butterfly,
"one must have sunshine, freedom and a little flower."
- Hans Christian Andersen

To everything there is a season,
and a time to every purpose under heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die.
- Ecclesiastes 3:1

We must be ready to learn from one another,
not claiming that we alone possess all truth
and that somehow we have a corner on God.
- Archbishop Desmond Tutu

You have heard that it was said,
"Love your neighbor and hate your enemy."
But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.
- Matthew 5:43-44

Compassion and generosity must be the heart of any true religion.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The miracle is not that we do this work,
but that we are happy to do it.
- Mother Teresa

A new friend is like new wine;
when it has aged you will drink it with pleasure.
- Ecclesiastes 9:10

The most telling act of true Faith
is celebrating the death of a loved one
with the certain knowledge that
they are now in a better place.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Lord, make me an instrument of thy peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love.
- St. Francis of Assisi

Forgive Your Brother from Your Heart.
- Matthew 18:21-22

Christian voters should start looking
at global warming and extreme poverty
as religious issues that speak to the culture of life.
- Al Franken

No man ever prayed heartily without learning something.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he.
- Proverbs 23:7

The great gift of Easter is hope -
Christian hope which makes us have that confidence in God,
in his ultimate triumph, and in his goodness and love,
which nothing can shake.
- Basil C. Hume

Lord, make me an instrument of thy peace.
- St Francis of Assisi

The will of God will never take you
to where the grace of God will not protect you.
- Anonymous

Humility is not thinking less of yourself,
it's thinking of yourself less.
- Rick Warren (author of The Purpose Driven(R) Life)

Love one another.
- Jesus of Nazareth

O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek
to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive;
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.
- St. Francis of Assisi

It cannot be wisdom to assert the truth of one faith over another.
In our troubled world so full of contradictions,
the wise person makes justice his guide and learns from all.
- Akbar the Great (1542-1605)

The way to see by faith is to shut the eye of reason.
- Benjamin Franklin [attributed]

Our prayers should be for blessings in general,
for God knows best what is good for us.
- Socrates

Bold Light of Spirit:
Out of the darkness and into the light,
Open our eyes and behold such a sight.
Brilliance of day takes the place of the night,
Boldness and courage are swords of His Might.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

God may be subtle, but he isn't plain mean.
- Albert Einstein

God has given us two hands, one to receive with
and the other to give with.
- Billy Graham

What if Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store.
What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more.
- Dr. Seuss

Love your enemies, bless them that curse you,
do good to them that hate you, and pray for them
which despitefully use you and persecute you.
- Matthew 5:44

I do not pray for success,
I ask for faithfulness.
- Mother Teresa

Not paying a just wage, not giving work,
only because one is looking at the bottom line,
at the budget of the company, seeking only profit -
that is against God.
- Pope Francis

The smallest seed of faith is better than
the largest fruit of happiness.
- Henry David Thoreau

What does it profit, my brethren,
if someone says he has faith but does not have works?
Can faith save him?
- James 2:14

We must not reduce the bosom of the universal church
to a nest protecting our mediocrity.
- Pope Francis

As you sow, so shall you reap.
- Galatians 6:7

Each one of them is Jesus in disguise.
- Mother Teresa

There is nothing that wastes the body like worry,
and one who has any faith in God
should be ashamed to worry about anything whatsoever.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

God sometimes does try to the uttermost
those whom he wishes to bless.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace,
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
...
For it is in giving that we receive;
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned.
- attributed to St. Francis of Assisi

Now abide faith, hope, love, these three;
but the greatest of these is love.
- Corinthians 13:13

Moreover if your brother shall trespass against you,
go and tell him his fault between you and him alone.
- Matthew 18:15

Let us not be satisfied with just giving money.
Money is not enough, money can be got,
but they need your hearts to love them.
So, spread your love everywhere you go.
- Mother Teresa

Do to others as you would have them do to you.
- Luke 6:31 (the "Golden Rule")

I hate to see complacency prevail in our lives
when it's so directly contrary to the teaching of Christ.
- Jimmy Carter

We should live our lives as though
Christ were coming this afternoon.
- Jimmy Carter

A man's pride shall bring him low,
but honor shall uphold the humble in spirit.
- Proverbs 29:23

Our creator is the same and never changes
despite the names given Him by people here
and in all parts of the world.
Even if we gave Him no name at all,
He would still be there, within us,
waiting to give us good on this earth.
- George Washington Carver


Please sign up on the form below to receive
my Free Daily Inspiration - Daily Quotes email.

You can also search my large collection of Funny Quotes.

May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Funny Quotes

 


All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.