Funny Quotes about Told

All that glisters is not gold;
Often have you heard that told.
Many a man his life hath sold
but my outside to behold.
Gilded tombs do worms enfold.
- William Shakespeare

In all of his bestsellers, the Divine has told the truth,
custom-tailored to the comprehension of the times.
- Ernest Holmes

I have this theory - that if we're told we're bad,
then that's the only ideal we'll ever have.
- Jewel

I am mortified to be told that, in the United States of America,
the sale of a book can become a subject of inquiry,
and of criminal inquiry too.
- Thomas Jefferson

Books! I dunno if I ever told you this,
but books are the greatest gift one person can give another.
- Bono

Life is about more than today, and more than yourself.
What will your legacy be?
What will your great-grandchildren be told about you?
Creating a legacy does not have to be a burden,
it can be your joy and can create
your satisfaction with living each day.
What kind of world do you want to leave your great-grandchildren?
What can you do today to help create that world?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Re-examine all that you have been told...
dismiss that which insults your soul.
- Walt Whitman

Truth is something which can't be told in a few words.
Those who simplify the universe
only reduce the expansion of its meaning.
- Anais Nin

Most of us believe that we have
been betrayed by someone outside of us -
in other words someone has done something to hurt us,
been dishonest or broken a promise made:
some trust in some concept was broken.
Indeed someone may have taken an action
that took only their needs into consideration,
they may have not followed through on a promise made,
and they may have not told you the truth.
But their actions have nothing to do with you
and have everything to do with them.
That's why no one can do anything TO you.
They can take actions that involve you that you may not like -
according to your point of view.
But you are not a victim, no way, no how.
- Sheri Rosenthal

The Moon Cannot Be Stolen:
A thief entered the little hut of a Zen Master,
but discovered there was nothing to steal.
The Zen Master discovered the thief.
"You have come a long way to visit me," he told the prowler,
"and you should not return empty-handed.
Please take my clothes as a gift."
The thief was bewildered,
but he took the clothes and slunk away.
The Zen Master sat naked, watching the moon.
"Poor fellow," he mused,
"I wish I could have given him this beautiful moon."
- Traditional Zen Koan

Oh, Shrek. Don't worry.
Things just seem bad because it's dark and rainy
and Fiona's father hired a sleazy hitman to whack you.
- the movie Shrek 2

My father and he had one of those English friendships
which begins by avoiding the intimacies
and eventually eliminates speech altogether.
- Jorge Luis Borges

The existence of an anthropomorphic
"Father-figure" deity is not impossible,
merely exceptionally improbable and illogical.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Confused Memories of Childhood:
Hate to my father, cruel hate,
confused with love - a mix not great.
The man I love - the man I hate;
the man I want to emulate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother
rather than all major credit cards.
- Robert Orben

When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant
I could hardly stand to have the old man around.
But when I got to be 21, I was astonished
at how much the old man had learned in seven years.
- Mark Twain

It doesn't matter who my father was.
It matters who I remember he was.
- Anne Sexton

The most important thing a father
can do for his children
is to love their mother.
- Henry Ward Beecher

My father always used to say that when you die,
if you've got five real friends, then you've had a great life.
- Lee Iacocca

My father considered a walk among the mountains
as the equivalent of churchgoing.
- Aldous Huxley

So your father, or your mother,
never thought you were good enough - SO WHAT?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

When a father gives to his son, both laugh;
when a son gives to his father, both cry.
- William Shakespeare

Dear Father in heaven, I'm not a praying man,
but if you're up there and you can hear me ...
show me the way... show me the way.
- It's a Wonderful Life (1946 movie)

A man cannot speak to his son, but as a father;
to his wife, but as a husband;
to his enemy, but upon terms:
whereas a friend may speak, as the case requires,
and not as it sorteth with the person.
- Francis Bacon

The child in me could not die as it should have died,
because according too legends it must find its father again.
The old legends knew, perhaps, that in absence
the father becomes glorified, deified, eroticized,
and this outrage against God the Father has to be atoned for.
The human father has to be confronted and recognized as human,
as man who created a child and then, by his absence,
left the child fatherless and then Godless.
- Anais Nin

You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly,
but I bet you ain't never seen a DONKEY fly!
- the movie Shrek (2001)

Are we there yet? are we there yet? are we there yet?
- said by Donkey in the movie Shrek 2

You know what? Maybe there's a good reason
donkeys shouldn't talk.
- the movie Shrek (2001)

It looks like we're up chocolate creek without a Popsicle stick!
- the movie Shrek 2 (2004)

Thank you, gentlemen. Someday I will repay you,
unless of course I can't find you, or if I forget.
- the movie Shrek 2

Greetings, cosmic children of the universe.
Welcome to my serenity circle.
Please leave all bad vibes outside the healing vortex.
- the movie Shrek the Third (2007)

I don't care whose fault this was, just get it sorted!
And could someone please bring me something deep fat fried
and smothered in chocolate.
- the movie Shrek 2

Donkey, you HAVE the right to remain silent.
What you lack, is the capacity.
- said by Shrek in the movie Shrek 2

They have come up with a perfect understanding.
He won't try to run her life,
and he won't try to run his, either.
- Anonymous

"The time has come," the walrus said, "to talk of many things:
of shoes and ships - and sealing wax - of cabbages and kings."
- Lewis Carroll

The will to believe chases out the rational mind,
whenever and wherever the two come into conflict.
- Philip K. Dick

Things may come to those who wait,
but only the things left by those who hustle.
- Abraham Lincoln

All our dreams can come true,
if we have the courage to pursue them.
- Walt Disney

Clouds come floating into my life,
no longer to carry rain or usher storm,
but to add color to my sunset sky.
- Rabindranath Tagore

We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned,
so as to have the life that is waiting for us.
The old skin has to be shed before the new one can come.
- Joseph Campbell

In spite of unseasonable wind, snow
and unexpected weather of all sorts -
a gardener still plants.
And tends what they have planted ...
believing that Spring will come.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

The traveler sees what he sees,
the tourist sees what he has come to see.
- Gilbert K. Chesterton

Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask "Why me?"
Then a voice answers "Nothing personal,
your name just happened to come up. -
- Charlie Brown, in Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts

Some people come into our lives and quickly go.
Some people stay for awhile,
and move our souls to dance.
They awaken us to a new understanding,
leave footprints on our hearts,
and we are never, ever the same.
- Flavia Weedn

Those who have come here to hate should leave now;
for in their hate, they only betray themselves.
- Terry Goodkind

Being angry is as close as a human being
can come to experiencing hell on earth.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Take the initiative - don't wait for life to come to you.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

You can't stay in your corner of the Forest waiting for others to come to you.
You have to go to them sometimes.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)

The fastest way to destroy love
is to make a goal out of it,
because people who are trying to be loved
come from a place that they're not loved.
- Werner Erhard

When you're drowning, you don't say,
"I would be incredibly pleased if someone
would have the foresight to notice
me drowning and come and help me,"
you just scream.
- John Lennon

The secret of making dreams come true
can be summarized in four C's.
They are Curiosity, Confidence, Courage, and Constancy;
and the greatest of these is Confidence.
- Walt Disney

Don't ask yourself what the world needs;
ask yourself what makes you come alive.
And then go and do that.
Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.
- Howard Thurman

Youth, large, lusty, loving -
Youth, full of grace, force, fascination.
Do you know that Old Age may come after you
with equal grace, force, fascination?
- Walt Whitman

If we spend the time we waste in sighing
for the perfect golden fruit
in fulfilling the conditions of its growth,
happiness will come, must come.
It is guaranteed in the very laws of the universe.
If it involves some chastening and renunciation, well,
the fruit will be all the sweeter for this touch of holiness.
- Helen Keller

Strength does not come from winning.
Your struggles develop your strengths.
When you go through hardships
and decide not to surrender,
that is strength.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Ninety-nine percent of the failures
come from people who have the habit of making excuses.
- George Washington Carver

Without this playing with fantasy,
no creative work has ever yet come to birth.
The debt we owe to the play of
the imagination is incalculable.
- Carl Jung

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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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