Funny Quotes about Business

Getting fired is nature's way to telling you
that you had the wrong job in the first place.
- Hal Lancaster

Most of what we call management consists of
making it difficult for people to get their work done.
- Peter F. Drucker

This report, by its very length, defends itself
against the risk of being read.
- Winston Churchill

My father always told me that
all businessmen were sons of bitches,
but I never believed it till now.
- John F. Kennedy

One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain

If you have a job without any aggravations, you don't have a job.
- Malcolm S. Forbes (wealthy publisher)

There's a couple of things they don't teach you
in Harvard Business School,
one is how to cope with defeat,
the other is how to handle a shotgun.
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)

I think that there is nothing, not even crime,
more opposed to poetry, to philosophy, ay, to life itself
than this incessant business.
- Henry David Thoreau

Let your sympathies and your compassion
be always with the under dog in the fight -
this is magnanimity;
but bet on the other one - this is business.
- Mark Twain

If you want to make peace with your enemy,
you have to work with your enemy.
Then he becomes your partner.
- Nelson Mandela

When we step on the battlefield, I will be
The First Boots On and the Last Boots Off.
- LtG. Hal Moore

It's work only if I say it's work,
but it's play if I say it's fun.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Only he is successful in his business who makes that pursuit
which affords him the highest pleasure sustain him.
- Henry David Thoreau

In business or in life, don't follow the wagon tracks too closely.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

Discourage litigation.
Persuade your neighbors to compromise whenever you can.
As a peacemaker the lawyer has
superior opportunity of being a good man.
There will still be business enough.
- Abraham Lincoln

Belief is a virus, and once it gets into you,
its first order of business is to preserve itself,
and the way it preserves itself
is to keep you from having any doubts,
and the way it keeps you from doubting
is to blind you to the way things really are.
- Philip Caputo

The man of genius inspires us with
a boundless confidence in our own powers.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

You can close more business in two months
by becoming interested in other people
than you can in two years by trying
to get people interested in you.
- Dale Carnegie

You can discover what your enemy fears most
by observing the means he uses to frighten you.
- Michael Moncur

If a man is called to be a street sweeper,
he should sweep streets even as Michelangelo painted,
or Beethoven composed music, or Shakespeare wrote poetry.
He should sweep streets so well that all the hosts
of heaven and earth will pause to say,
here lived a great street sweeper who did his job well.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

The wicked leader is he who the people despise.
The good leader is he who the people revere.
The great leader is he who the people say, "We did it ourselves."
- Lao Tzu

The timid man yearns for full value and demands a tenth.
The bold man strikes for double value and compromises on par.
- Mark Twain

Successful people ask better questions,
and as a result, they get better answers.
- Tony Robbins

You can make more friends in two months
by becoming interested in other people
than you can in two years by trying
to get other people interested in you.
- Dale Carnegie

Is the system going to flatten you out
and deny you your humanity,
or are you going to be able to make use of the system
to the attainment of human purposes?
- Joseph Campbell

Strategy without tactics is the slowest route to victory.
Tactics without strategy is the noise before defeat.
- Sun Tzu

Do not hire a man who does your work for money,
but him who does it for love of it.
- Henry David Thoreau

Choose a job you love,
and you will never have to work a day in your life.
- Confucius

The success of a project is best predicted
by the enthusiasm of its participants.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Don't talk about what you have done
or what you are going to do.
- Thomas Jefferson

It is better to displease the people
by doing what you know is right.
- William J. H. Boetcker

A leader is most effective when people barely know he exists.
When his work is done, his aim fulfilled,
his troops will feel they did it themselves.
- Lao Tzu

About leadership: No person can be a great leader
unless he takes genuine joy
in the successes of those under him.
- W. A. Nance

Be resolute in your goals,
but flexible in your tactics.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The biggest mistake we could ever make in our lives
is to think we work for anybody but ourselves.
- Brian Tracy

Never hold discussions with the monkey
when the organ grinder is in the room.
- Winston Churchill

Be a yardstick of quality.
Some people aren't used to an environment
where excellence is expected.
- Steve Jobs

A leader is best when people barely know he exists;
when his work is done, his aim fulfilled,
they will say: we did it ourselves.
- Lao Tzu

Battles are won by slaughter and maneuver.
The greater the general, the more he contributes in maneuver,
the less he demands in slaughter.
- Winston Churchill

If you want to be incrementally better: Be competitive.
If you want to be exponentially better: Be cooperative.
- Anonymous

Give me six hours to chop down a tree
and I will spend the first four sharpening the axe.
- Abraham Lincoln

Trust men and they will be true to you;
treat them greatly and they will show themselves great.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

The expert in battle seeks his victory
from strategic advantage
and does not demand it from his men.
- Sun Tzu

Victory at all costs, victory in spite of all terror,
victory however long and hard the road may be;
for without victory, there is no survival.
- Winston Churchill

What work I have done I have done because it has been play.
If it had been work I shouldn't have done it.
- Mark Twain

Forgiveness ... is the finishing of old business
that allows us to experience the present,
free of contamination from the past.
- Joan Borysenko

Once you have mastered time,
you will understand how true it is that
most people overestimate what
they can accomplish in a year -
and underestimate what
they can achieve in a decade!
- Tony Robbins

Prepare for the unknown by studying how others in the past
have coped with the unforeseeable and the unpredictable.
- George S. Patton

The man who has won millions at the cost of his conscience is a failure.
- B. C. Forbes

The most successful people in life
are generally those who have the best information.
- Benjamin Disraeli

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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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