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Funny Quotes about Life
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Funny Quotes about Ass

EVERYONE has the right to make an ass out of themselves.
- Harold and Maude (The movie )

We can, if we get up off our ass, change the world.
- Bono

Every formula of every religion has, in this age of reason,
to submit to the acid test of reason and universal assent.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

The formula for achieving a successful relationship is simple:
you should treat all disasters as if they were trivialities
but never treat a triviality as if it were a disaster.
- Quentin Crisp

Formula to live your dream:
1. Be bold. 2. Begin now, 3. No exceptions.
- William James

Success has a simple formula:
do your best, and people may like it.
- Sam Ewing

Believe in yourself,
in your vision for your future
and in your ability to take a small step
each day toward achieving your vision.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

This moment! - this here-now - is forgotten
when you start thinking in terms of achieving something.
When the achieving mind arises,
you lose contact with the paradise you are in.
- Osho

Not every difficult and dangerous thing
is suitable for training,
but only that which is conducive to success
in achieving the object of our effort.
- Epictetus

We come this way but once.
We can either tiptoe through life
and hope we get to death without being badly bruised
or we can live a full, complete life achieving
our goals and realizing our wildest dreams.
- Bob Proctor

True courage is taking another small step each day
toward achieving your vision.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

What you get by achieving your goals is not as important
as what you become by achieving your goals.
- Henry David Thoreau

Nothing can stop the man with the right
mental attitude from achieving his goal;
nothing on earth can help the man
with the wrong mental attitude.
- Thomas Jefferson

Develop an attitude of gratitude, and give thanks
for everything that happens to you,
knowing that every step forward is a step toward
achieving something bigger and better than your current situation.
- Brian Tracy

I believe in equality for everyone,
except reporters and photographers.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

I don't believe in the after life,
although I am bringing a change of underwear.
- Woody Allen

I do not believe in using women in combat,
because females are too fierce.
- Margaret Mead

Man is a credulous animal, and must believe something;
in the absence of good grounds for belief,
he will be satisfied with bad ones.
- Bertrand Russell

We are all worms. But I believe that I am a glow-worm.
- Winston Churchill

I truly believe that happiness is possible...
even when you're thirty-three
and have a bottom the size of two bowling balls.
- the movie Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason

I do not believe that civilization will be wiped out
in a war fought with the atomic bomb.
Perhaps two-thirds of the people of the earth will be killed.
- Albert Einstein

The way I see it, it doesn't matter what you believe,
just so you're sincere.
- Linus Van Pelt in Charles M. Schulz' Go Fly A Kite, Charlie Brown

Contrary to general belief,
I do not believe that friends are necessarily
the people you like best,
they are merely the people who got there first.
- Peter Ustinov

The will to believe chases out the rational mind,
whenever and wherever the two come into conflict.
- Philip K. Dick

The future belongs to those
who believe in the beauty of their dreams.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful,
natural, wholesome things that money can buy.
- Steve Martin

An idea isn't responsible for the people who believe in it.
- Don Marquis

I believe totally in a Capitalist System,
I only wish that someone would try it.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

Anyone who can worship a trinity
and insist that his religion is a monotheism
can believe anything.
- Robert A Heinlein

Trust your own inner guidance.
Have faith that your steps are
carrying you toward your dreams.
Keep your eyes on the heavens
and believe that your feet will carry you well.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Believe nothing, no matter where you read it,
or who said it, no matter if I have said it,
unless it agrees with your own reason
and your own common sense.
- The Buddha

I contend that we are both atheists.
I just believe in one fewer god than you do.
When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods,
you will understand why I dismiss yours.
- Stephen Roberts

I believe that everything happens for a reason.
People change so that you can learn to let go,
things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right,
you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself,
and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.
- Marilyn Monroe

Those who believe they can do something
and those who believe they can't
are both right.
- Henry Ford

Far away there in the sunshine are my highest aspirations.
I may not reach them, but I can look up and see their beauty,
believe in them, and try to follow where they lead.
- Louisa May Alcott

People are stupid;
given proper motivation, almost anyone will believe almost anything.
Because people are stupid, they will believe a lie
because they want to believe it's true,
or because they are afraid it might be true.
- Terry Goodkind

I don't believe people are looking for the meaning of life
as much as they are looking for the experience of being alive.
- Joseph Campbell

Because we believe that our ethnic group,
our society, our political party, our God,
is better than your God, we kill each other.
- Neale Donald Walsch

Never believe that a few caring people can't change the world.
For, indeed, that's all who ever have.
- Margaret Mead

Everything we believe is a matter of evolution and history.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I believe that a simple and unassuming manner of life
is best for everyone, best both for the body and the mind.
- Albert Einstein

The moment we want to believe something,
we suddenly see all the arguments for it,
and become blind to the arguments against it.
- George Bernard Shaw

A wise girl kisses but doesn't love,
listens but doesn't believe,
and leaves before she is left.
- Marilyn Monroe

Man prefers to believe what he prefers to be true.
- Francis Bacon

We believe whatever we want to believe.
- Demosthenes

I used to believe in forever, but forever's too good to be true.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)

Have a Vision, a Dream.
Believe in that Vision.
Live that Vision with every fiber of your being.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Whatever you do, you need courage.
Whatever course you decide upon,
there is always someone to tell you
that you are wrong.
There are always difficulties arising
that tempt you to believe your critics are right.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Believe in yourself, and trust your own wisdom
rather than being swayed by the opinions of others.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The thing always happens that you really believe in;
and the belief in a thing makes it happen.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

I believe that anyone can conquer fear
by doing the things he fears to do,
provided he keeps doing them until he gets
a record of successful experience behind him.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

Believe you can and you're halfway there.
- Theodore Roosevelt

Shallow men believe in luck.
Strong men believe in cause and effect.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

I do not believe that God has
imposed suffering upon anyone
to punish them or to teach them a lesson.
- Ernest Holmes

Nothing splendid has ever been achieved except by those who dared
believe that something inside of them was superior to circumstance.
- Bruce Barton

Reality doesn't impress me.
I only believe in intoxication, in ecstasy,
and when ordinary life shackles me,
I escape, one way or another.
No more walls.
- Anais Nin

I do not believe in immortality of the individual,
and I consider ethics to be an exclusively human concern
with no superhuman authority behind it.
- Albert Einstein

Man's most valuable trait is a judicious sense
of what not to believe.
- Euripides

If I am capable of grasping God objectively,
I do not believe, but precisely because
I cannot do this I must believe.
- Soren Kierkegaard

To believe in something, and not to live it, is dishonest.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

I believe in the fundamental truth
of all great religions of the world.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

I believe that every human mind feels pleasure
in doing good to another.
- Thomas Jefferson

I was brought up to believe that the only thing worth doing
was to add to the sum of accurate information in the world.
- Margaret Mead

It is done to you as you believe.
- Ernest Holmes

I don't believe that imagining is enough.
- Bono

Truth is not defined by
how many people believe something.
Ask. Question. Think.
Decide - for yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Love comes to those who still hope
even though they've been disappointed,
to those who still believe
even though they've been betrayed,
to those who still love
even though they've been hurt before.
- Anonymous

I do not believe in a fate that
falls on men however they act;
but I do believe in a fate
that falls on them unless they act.
- The Buddha

I'm not religious at all,
but I believe in God very strongly.
- Bono

You can, when you believe you can.
- Anonymous

I believe in God, only I spell it Nature.
- Frank Lloyd Wright


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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