You can't let praise or criticism get to you.
It's a weakness to get caught up in either one.
- John Wooden
Talent is God-given; be humble.
Fame is man-given; be thankful.
Conceit is self-given; be careful.
- John Wooden 
Make your "yes" mean yes,
and your "no" mean no.
- John Wooden
You can't live a perfect day without doing something
for someone who will never be able to repay you.
- John Wooden
Don't let what you cannot do
interfere with what you can do.
- John Wooden
Being a role model is the most powerful form of educating.
Youngsters need good models more than they need critics.
It's one of a parent's greatest responsibilities and opportunities.
- John Wooden
Success comes from knowing that
you did your best to become the best
that you are capable of becoming.
- John Wooden
Youngsters need good models more than they need critics.
- John Wooden
Be more concerned with your character than your reputation,
because your character is what you really are,
while your reputation is merely what others think you are.
- John Wooden
Do not let what you cannot do
interfere with what you can do.
- John Wooden
A coach is someone who can give correction
without causing resentment.
- John Wooden
Be more concerned with your character than your reputation.
- John Wooden
It's what you learn after you know it all that counts.
- John Wooden
Failure to prepare is preparing to fail.
- John Wooden
Beating an opponent is not a goal,
but a by-product of success.
- John Wooden
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living;
the world owes you nothing; it was here first.
- Mark Twain
If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)
It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed)
If you do what you've always done,
you'll get what you always got.
- Mark Twain
Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
However beautiful the strategy,
you should occasionally look at the results.
- Winston Churchill
Yesterday is like a dung heap;
you can complain about the smell,
or you can use it to fertilize tomorrow's garden.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Now, if you don't mind, I'd appreciate it if you could lower your wand.
- the movie Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
You'll live to be a hundred if you give up
all the things that make you want to.
- the movie Interiors
There are two things that are more difficult
than making an after-dinner speech:
climbing a wall which is leaning toward you
and kissing a girl who is leaning away from you.
- Winston Churchill
Marriage has no guarantees.
If that's what you're looking for,
go live with a car battery.
- Erma Bombeck
No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective
A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next
to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles
When I first saw you, I thought you were handsome.
Then, of course, you spoke.
- the movie As Good As It Gets (1997)
A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend -
and he's a priest.
- Erma Bombeck
Of all the things that could frighten you,
you worry about my driving?
- Edward, from Twilight saga by Stephenie Meyer
When your friends begin to flatter
you on how young you look,
it's a sure sign you're getting old.
- Mark Twain
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell -
you see, I have friends in both places.
- Mark Twain
To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories
You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly,
but I bet you ain't never seen a DONKEY fly!
- the movie Shrek (2001)
If at first you don't succeed,
skydiving is not for you.
- Anonymous
Tragedy is when I cut my finger.
Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.
- Mel Brooks
The worst part of success is to try to find
someone who is happy for you.
- Bette Midler
Half the people you know are below average.
- Anonymous
A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
- Erma Bombeck
I think you're the opposite of a paranoid.
I think you go around with the insane delusion that people like you.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
You know, it takes two to get one in trouble.
- the movie She Done Him Wrong (1933)
Be careful about reading health books.
You may die of a misprint.
- Mark Twain
You know what? Maybe there's a good reason
donkeys shouldn't talk.
- the movie Shrek (2001)
Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek
A relationship, I think, is like a shark.
You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall (1977)
Oh, Shrek. Don't worry.
Things just seem bad because it's dark and rainy
and Fiona's father hired a sleazy hitman to whack you.
- the movie Shrek 2
You have to learn to push the guilt
under the rug and move on,
otherwise it overwhelms you.
- the Woody Allen movie Match Point
One great thing about getting old is that
you can get out of all sorts of social obligations
just by saying you're too tired.
- George Carlin
When you are courting a nice girl
an hour seems like a second.
When you sit on a red-hot cinder
a second seems like an hour.
That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein
Afraid? Me? A man who's licked
his weight in wild caterpillars?
Afraid? You bet I'm afraid!
- Groucho Marx
You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog.
- Harry S. Truman
If love is the answer,
could you please rephrase the question.
- Lily Tomlin
You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle
There's a couple of things they don't teach you
in Harvard Business School,
one is how to cope with defeat,
the other is how to handle a shotgun.
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)
The proper office of a friend is to side with you
when you are in the wrong.
Nearly anybody will side with you when you are in the right.
- Mark Twain
Where did you park the invisible car?
- the movie Megamind (2010)
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
(Groom), take (Bride)'s hand and place your hand over hers.
Now, remember this moment and cherish it...
because this will be the last time you ever have the upper hand.
- Anonymous
New Yorkers love it when you spill your guts out there.
Spill your guts at Wimbledon and they make you stop and clean it up.
- Jimmy Carter
I got a good mind to join a club
and beat you over the head with it.
- the Groucho Marx movie Duck Soup
To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the wedding cup,
Whenever you're wrong, admit it;
Whenever you're right, shut up.
- Ogden Nash
You're already a bastard.
Might as well be an enlightened one.
- the movie Simon Birch
Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous
You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
If you don't know where you are going,
you might wind up someplace else.
- Yogi Berra
He early on let her know who is the boss.
He looked her right in the eye and clearly said, "You're the boss."
- Anonymous humor
Well, you ask a silly question, and you get a silly answer.
- Tom Lehrer
Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove (1964)
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.