You cannot hate other people without hating yourself.
- Oprah Winfrey
The more you praise and celebrate your life,
the more there is in life to celebrate.
- Oprah Winfrey 
The biggest adventure you can take is
to live the life of your dreams.
- Oprah Winfrey
Where there is no struggle, there is no strength.
- Oprah Winfrey
What I know for sure is that
what you give comes back to you.
- Oprah Winfrey
Be thankful for what you have; you'll end up having more.
If you concentrate on what you don't have,
you will never, ever have enough.
- Oprah Winfrey
Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right.
- Oprah Winfrey
Keep a grateful journal. Every night,
list five things you are grateful for.
- Oprah Winfrey
Understand that the right to
choose your own path
is a sacred privilege.
Use it.
Dwell in possibility.
- Oprah Winfrey
Don't live your life to please other people.
- Oprah Winfrey
Everyone is the keeper of a dream
- Oprah Winfrey
Follow your instincts.
That's where true wisdom manifests itself.
- Oprah Winfrey
Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo,
but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you
when the limo breaks down.
- Oprah Winfrey
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living;
the world owes you nothing; it was here first.
- Mark Twain
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
Yesterday is like a dung heap;
you can complain about the smell,
or you can use it to fertilize tomorrow's garden.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
However beautiful the strategy,
you should occasionally look at the results.
- Winston Churchill
It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed)
If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)
If you do what you've always done,
you'll get what you always got.
- Mark Twain
You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog.
- Harry S. Truman
When your friends begin to flatter
you on how young you look,
it's a sure sign you're getting old.
- Mark Twain
A relationship, I think, is like a shark.
You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall (1977)
If at first you don't succeed,
skydiving is not for you.
- Anonymous
The proper office of a friend is to side with you
when you are in the wrong.
Nearly anybody will side with you when you are in the right.
- Mark Twain
No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective
Where did you park the invisible car?
- the movie Megamind (2010)
A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend -
and he's a priest.
- Erma Bombeck
A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
- Erma Bombeck
Thank you, gentlemen. Someday I will repay you,
unless of course I can't find you, or if I forget.
- the movie Shrek 2
If love is the answer,
could you please rephrase the question.
- Lily Tomlin
Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove (1964)
You know, it takes two to get one in trouble.
- the movie She Done Him Wrong (1933)
You'll live to be a hundred if you give up
all the things that make you want to.
- the movie Interiors
You ask me if I keep a notebook
to record my great ideas.
I've only ever had one.
- Albert Einstein
A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next
to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles
You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly,
but I bet you ain't never seen a DONKEY fly!
- the movie Shrek (2001)
When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain
To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories
Always remember the three magic words: You're right dear.
- Anonymous
The worst part of success is to try to find
someone who is happy for you.
- Bette Midler
You have to learn to push the guilt
under the rug and move on,
otherwise it overwhelms you.
- the Woody Allen movie Match Point
Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous
Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
DON'T get officious.
You're not yourself when you're officious -
That is the curse of a government job.
- the movie Harold and Maude (1971)
When you are courting a nice girl
an hour seems like a second.
When you sit on a red-hot cinder
a second seems like an hour.
That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein
(Groom), take (Bride)'s hand and place your hand over hers.
Now, remember this moment and cherish it...
because this will be the last time you ever have the upper hand.
- Anonymous
Be careful about reading health books.
You may die of a misprint.
- Mark Twain
To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the wedding cup,
Whenever you're wrong, admit it;
Whenever you're right, shut up.
- Ogden Nash
Afraid? Me? A man who's licked
his weight in wild caterpillars?
Afraid? You bet I'm afraid!
- Groucho Marx
One great thing about getting old is that
you can get out of all sorts of social obligations
just by saying you're too tired.
- George Carlin
You can put wings on a pig,
but you don't make it an eagle.
- William J. Clinton
Oh no, I can't do anything to the death.
Doctor's orders. You see, I have this ulcer condition,
and death is the worst thing for it.
- the movie Love and Death
When everything comes your way
you're in the wrong lane.
- Anonymous
You want to do mankind a real service?
Tell funnier jokes.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories (1980)
When I first saw you, I thought you were handsome.
Then, of course, you spoke.
- the movie As Good As It Gets (1997)
If you don't know where you are going,
you might wind up someplace else.
- Yogi Berra
Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek
Life's like Vegas. You're up, you're down,
but in the end the house always wins.
Doesn't mean you didn't have fun.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle
Tragedy is when I cut my finger.
Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.
- Mel Brooks
You know what? Maybe there's a good reason
donkeys shouldn't talk.
- the movie Shrek (2001)
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell -
you see, I have friends in both places.
- Mark Twain
I got a good mind to join a club
and beat you over the head with it.
- the Groucho Marx movie Duck Soup
And you just gotta remember, Sparky -
no matter what they tell you - you can NEVER have too much sugar.
- the movie Michael (1996)
Well, you ask a silly question, and you get a silly answer.
- Tom Lehrer
New Yorkers love it when you spill your guts out there.
Spill your guts at Wimbledon and they make you stop and clean it up.
- Jimmy Carter
You can't make an omelet without breaking eggs.
- Anonymous
The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
Of all the things that could frighten you,
you worry about my driving?
- Edward, from Twilight saga by Stephenie Meyer
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.