Enter one or two keywords to search these Funny Quotes.

Hint: keep it simple, like life twain

Funny Quotes about Life
Funny Quotes about Life | Funny Love Quotes | About
Search:   A-   B-   Ca-   Co-   D-   E-   F-   G-   H-    I-    J-K-L   M-   N-O   Pa-   Pr-   Q-R   Sa-   Sk-   T-   U-V-W-X-Y-Z
Follow my Humorous yet Insightful Quote of the Day by Email:

All that glisters is not gold;
by William Shakespeare

All that glisters is not gold;
Often have you heard that told.
Many a man his life hath sold
but my outside to behold.
Gilded tombs do worms enfold.
- William Shakespeare

This above all, to thine own self be true.
- William Shakespeare PHOTO

Love comforteth like sunshine after rain.
- William Shakespeare PHOTO

To climb steep hills requires a slow pace at first.
- William Shakespeare

What's done is done.
- William Shakespeare

The course of true love never did run smooth.
- William Shakespeare

Parting is such sweet sorrow.
- William Shakespeare

Discretion is the better part of valor.
(originally "The better part of valor is discretion")
- William Shakespeare

God has given you one face, and you make yourself another.
- William Shakespeare

In time we hate that which we often fear.
- William Shakespeare

Cowards die many times before their deaths;
The valiant never taste of death but once.
- William Shakespeare

Thou canst not then be false to any man.
- William Shakespeare

There is nothing either good or bad,
but thinking makes it so.
- William Shakespeare

What's in a name? That which we call a rose
by any other name would smell as sweet
- William Shakespeare

Love sought is good,
but given unsought is better.
- William Shakespeare

The quality of mercy is not strained.
It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven
Upon the place beneath. It is twice blest:
It blesseth him that gives and him that takes.
- William Shakespeare

To thine own self be true.
- William Shakespeare

One touch of nature makes the whole world kin.
- William Shakespeare

It is neither good nor bad, but thinking makes it so.
- William Shakespeare

The golden age is before us, not behind us.
- William Shakespeare

It is a wise father that knows his own child.
- William Shakespeare

Expectation is the root of all heartache.
- William Shakespeare

O! beware, my lord, of jealousy;
It is the green-eyed monster which
doth mock the meat it feeds on.
- William Shakespeare

Love is blind.
- William Shakespeare

Be true to thyself.
- William Shakespeare
(paraphrase of Shakespeare's famous quote)

When I saw you I fell in love,
and you smiled because you knew.
- commonly but falsely attributed to William Shakespeare

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.
- William Shakespeare

When a father gives to his son, both laugh;
when a son gives to his father, both cry.
- William Shakespeare

Neither a borrower nor a lender be,
For loan oft loses both itself and friend,
And borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry.
- William Shakespeare

Those friends thou hast, and their adoption tried,
Grapple them to thy soul with hoops of steel;
But do not dull thy palm with entertainment
Of each new- hatch'd, unfledg'd comrade.
- William Shakespeare

All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players:
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts,
His acts being seven ages.
- William Shakespeare

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand

"It's not that important,
don't worry about it" is the answer,
now what was the question?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer

If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)

Live life on the edge, not with an edge.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

It's not the size of the dog in the fight,
it's the size of the fight in the dog.
- Mark Twain

Two things are infinite:
the universe and human stupidity;
and I'm not sure about the universe.
- Albert Einstein

I'm not used to feeling so human.
Is it always like this?
- Edward, from Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer

Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire

Marriage is a fine institution -
but I'm not ready for an institution yet.
- Mae West

DON'T get officious.
You're not yourself when you're officious -
That is the curse of a government job.
- the movie Harold and Maude (1971)

I'm not talking about lust.
A woman in lust wants chocolate.
A woman in love wants diamonds.
- the movie How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days

It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous

It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel

If at first you don't succeed,
skydiving is not for you.
- Anonymous

The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death

Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed.
But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops.
Uh, depending on the breaks.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove

Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
- Albert Einstein

The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln

No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous

Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West

Personally, I'm always ready to learn,
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill

I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
- Anonymous

Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
- Albert Einstein

When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain

Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again.
- Robert A. Heinlein

Yeah I called her up. She gave me a bunch of ...
about me not listening to her, or something.
I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.
- the movie Dumb & Dumber (1994)

Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek

In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland

One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill

Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.
- Will Rogers

Man's nature is not essentially evil.
Brute nature has been known to
yield to the influence of love.
You must never despair of human nature.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

The faith that stands on authority is not faith.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Confused Memories of Childhood:
Hate to my father, cruel hate,
confused with love - a mix not great.
The man I love - the man I hate;
the man I want to emulate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

It is only the poor who pay cash,
and that not from virtue,
but because they are refused credit.
- Anatole France

I do not believe in using women in combat,
because females are too fierce.
- Margaret Mead

If you ask me anything I don't know,
I'm not going to answer.
- Yogi Berra

Silence is not always a Sign of Wisdom,
but Babbling is ever a folly.
- Benjamin Franklin

Belief is not the beginning but the end of all knowledge.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe


Please sign up on the form below to receive
my Free Daily Inspiration - Daily Quotes email.

You can also search my large collection of Funny Quotes.

May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Funny Quotes

 


All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.