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Funny Quotes about Life
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Funny Quotes about Unkind

Forgiveness is the salve that heals
the wounds of unkind words and acts.
Forgive everyone for every hurt you have ever received -
for your own sake, that you may live in peace.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Use heroes as a springboard for inquiry
into the identity and nature of admirably human qualities.
Do not judge heroes -
neither to put them unquestioningly on a pedestal
nor to unkindly probe their flaws.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Sweetest Lord, make me appreciative
of the dignity of my high vocation,
and its many responsibilities.
Never permit me to disgrace it by giving way
to coldness, unkindness, or impatience.
- Mother Teresa

The Sweetest Strawberry:
A man traveling across a field encountered a tiger.
He fled, the tiger after him.
Coming to a precipice,
he caught hold of the root of a wild vine
and swung himself over the edge.
The tiger sniffed at him from above.
Trembling, the man looked down to where,
far below, another tiger was waiting to eat him.
Only the vine sustained him.
Two mice, one white and one black,
little by little started to gnaw away the vine.
The man then saw a luscious strawberry near him.
Grasping the vine with one hand,
he plucked the strawberry with the other.
How sweet it tasted.
- Zen Koan

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
- W. C. Fields

A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle.
- Benjamin Franklin

I am a man of fixed and unbending principles,
the first of which is to be flexible at all times.
- Everett Dirksen

Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy,
the first question I ask myself is:
is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
- Rita Rudner

He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of.
- Mae West

You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

A man is incomplete until he is married.
After that, he is finished.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

Barf: I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!
- the movie Spaceballs (1987)

Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West

One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain

There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman -
before marriage and after marriage.
- Anonymous

Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde

Whenever I date a guy, I think,
"Is this the man I want my children
to spend their weekends with?"
- Rita Rudner

Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous

A man is a fool if he drinks before he reaches the age of 50,
and a fool if he doesn't afterward.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln

Don't marry a man to reform him -
that's what reform schools are for.
- Mae West

It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous

Afraid? Me? A man who's licked
his weight in wild caterpillars?
Afraid? You bet I'm afraid!
- Groucho Marx

One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein

Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx

You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle

One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash

A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler

In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland

A man likes his wife to be
just clever enough to appreciate his cleverness,
and just stupid enough to admire it.
- Israel Zangwill

Confused Memories of Childhood:
Hate to my father, cruel hate,
confused with love - a mix not great.
The man I love - the man I hate;
the man I want to emulate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Man's nature is not essentially evil.
Brute nature has been known to
yield to the influence of love.
You must never despair of human nature.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Man tends to treat all of his opinions as principles.
- Herbert Sebastian Agar

A man can't be too careful in the choice of enemies.
- Oscar Wilde

A conservative is a man who is
too cowardly to fight and too fat to run.
- Elbert Hubbard

I don't advise a haircut, man.
All hairdressers are in the employment of the government.
Hairs are your aerials.
They pick up signals from the cosmos,
and transmit them directly into the brain.
This is the reason bald-headed men are uptight.
- the movie Withnail & I

The man of science is a poor philosopher.
- Albert Einstein

I choose my friends for their good looks,
my acquaintances for their good characters,
and my enemies for their intellects.
A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
- Oscar Wilde

An excellent man;
he has no enemies;
and none of his friends like him.
- Oscar Wilde

A benevolent man should allow a few faults in himself,
to keep his friends in countenance.
- Benjamin Franklin

Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say,
abstains from giving us wordy evidence of the fact.
- George Eliot

I want to be the white man's brother, not his brother-in-law.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

When I hear a man preach,
I like to see him act as if he were fighting bees.
- Abraham Lincoln

If it keeps up, man will atrophy
all his limbs but the push-button finger.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

Beauty is the bait which with delight
allures man to enlarge his kind.
- Socrates

Man's role is uncertain, undefined, and perhaps unnecessary.
- Margaret Mead

An intellectual is a man
who takes more words than necessary
to tell more than he knows.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man,
and I hate people like that!
- Tom Lehrer

I like a man who grins when he fights.
- Winston Churchill

Man can hardly even recognize the devils of his own creation.
- Albert Schweitzer

The power of man has grown in every sphere, except over himself.
- Winston Churchill

Too often the strong, silent man is silent only because
he does not know what to say, and is reputed strong
only because he has remained silent.
- Winston Churchill

The man who does not read good books
has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
- Mark Twain

A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything
and the value of nothing.
- Oscar Wilde

If a man smiles all the time,
he's probably selling something that doesn't work.
- George Carlin

If I knew for a certainty that a man was coming to my house
with the conscious design of doing me good,
I should run for my life.
- Henry David Thoreau

The reason why the world lacks unity,
and lies broken and in heaps,
is, because man is disunited with himself.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

I will far rather see the race of man extinct
than that we should become less than beasts
by making the noblest of God's creation,
woman, the object of our lust.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

The civilized man has built a coach,
but has lost the use of his feet.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

We are born believing.
A man bears beliefs as a tree bears apples.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

A man is usually more careful of his money
than he is of his principles.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Mr. Attlee is a very modest man.
Indeed he has a lot to be modest about.
- Winston Churchill

Man is a credulous animal, and must believe something;
in the absence of good grounds for belief,
he will be satisfied with bad ones.
- Bertrand Russell

The savage in man is never quite eradicated.
- Henry David Thoreau

A clever man commits no minor blunders.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

God must love the common man, he made so many of them.
- Abraham Lincoln

Two things a man should never be angry at:
what he can help,
and what he cannot help.
- Thomas Fuller

Man will occasionally stumble over the truth,
but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on.
- Winston Churchill


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.