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Funny Quotes about Life
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Funny Quotes about Tonight

Tonight, late, when I'm still not done with the day
but must comply with sleep,
I can whisper, "There was done a little good today.
Today I changed myself and the world, just a little.
And yes, I loved." Most days, that is enough.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

I just want to do God's will.
And he's allowed me to go to the mountain.
And I've looked over, and I've seen the promised land!
I may not get there with you,
but I want you to know tonight that
we as a people will get to the promised land.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Well, I don't know what will happen now.
We've got some difficult days ahead.
But it doesn't matter with me now.
Because I've been to the mountaintop.
And I don't mind. Like any man,
I would like to live a long life.
Longevity has its place.
But I'm not concerned about that now.
I just want to do God's will.
And He's allowed me to go up to the mountain.
And I've looked over.
And I've seen the promised land.
I may not get there with you.
But I want you to know tonight, that we,
as a people, will get to the promised land.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

It's never too late -
never too late to start over,
never too late to be happy.
- Jane Fonda

I always arrive late at the office,
but I make up for it by leaving early.
- Charles Lamb

Which form of proverb do you prefer
Better late than never, or Better never than late?
- Lewis Carroll

It's never too late.
- Anonymous

You cannot do a kindness too soon,
for you never know how soon it will be too late.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

It is never too late to give up our prejudices.
- Henry David Thoreau

It is better to learn late than never.
- Publilius Syrus

Better late than never.
- Proverb

It is never too late to become what you might have been.
- George Eliot

So long as you have courage and a sense of humor,
it is never too late to start life afresh.
- Freeman Dyson

Everyone has an opinion on many subjects
and is ready to share those opinions -
labeling them as "truth."
Sometimes it is relatively easy
to filter out these opinions.
Upon hearing an ad for the latest
weight-loss powder on late-night TV,
our skepticism leaps to our defense.
However, if we have heard the same opinion for years
from our parents, friends,
government officials, or religious leaders,
we are more likely to believe without questioning
than to raise our filter of skepticism
and ask the hard questions.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

If you think you are beaten, you are.
If you think you dare not, you don't.
If you'd like to win, but think you can't
It's almost a cinch you won't.
Life's battles don't always go to the stronger or faster man;
But soon or late the man who wins is the one who thinks he can.
- Anonymous

It is too late to be studying Hebrew;
it is more important to understand
even the slang of to-day.
- Henry David Thoreau

The only thing to do with good advice is to pass it on.
It is never of any use to oneself.
- Oscar Wilde

Life is like a ten speed bicycle.
Most of us have gears we never use.
- Charles M. Schulz

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
- Phyllis Diller

We have a great life here in Alaska,
and we're never going back to America again!
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)

I have never developed indigestion from eating my words.
- Winston Churchill

You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

And you just gotta remember, Sparky -
no matter what they tell you - you can NEVER have too much sugar.
- the movie Michael (1996)

Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?
- Edgar Bergen

Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire

I read that you should never go out with someone
if you can think of three reasons why you shouldn't.
- the movie Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason (2004)

Never call an accountant a credit to his profession;
a good accountant is a debit to his profession.
- Charles Lyell

You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly,
but I bet you ain't never seen a DONKEY fly!
- the movie Shrek (2001)

Conscience is a mother-in-law whose visit never ends.
- H. L. Mencken

Eating words has never given me indigestion.
- Winston Churchill

Never give a sword to a man who can't dance.
- Confucius

The pure and simple truth is rarely pure and never simple.
- Oscar Wilde

I never considered a difference of opinion
in politics, in religion, in philosophy,
as cause for withdrawing from a friend.
- Thomas Jefferson

One should never trust a woman who tells her real age.
If she tells that, she'll tell anything.
- Oscar Wilde

I always pass on good advice.
It is the only thing to do with it.
It is never of any use to oneself.
- Oscar Wilde

You are Never Too Old to Give or Get Gold Stars.
Show Your Honest Appreciation - Today.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The way for a young man to rise is
to improve himself in every way he can,
never suspecting that anybody wishes to hinder him.
- Abraham Lincoln

One should never know too precisely
whom one has married
- Friedrich Nietzsche

Do not take life too seriously.
You will never get out of it alive.
- Elbert Hubbard

Never let the fear of striking out get in your way.
- Babe Ruth

One can never consent to creep when one feels the impulse to soar.
- Helen Keller

Never trust spiritual leader who doesn't dance.
- Miyagi: character in the movie The Next Karate Kid

Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves
for they shall never cease to be amused.
- Anonymous

My father always told me that
all businessmen were sons of bitches,
but I never believed it till now.
- John F. Kennedy

Some things will never seem adequate
no matter how hard we try.
- from the movie White Man's Burden

I would never want to be a member of a group
whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
- George Carlin

Never try to teach a pig to sing.
It wastes your time, and it annoys the pig.
- Mark Twain

Life is never fair, and perhaps it is a good thing
for most of us that it is not.
- Oscar Wilde

Things have never been more like the way they are today in history.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

Never stir up litigation.
A worse man can scarcely be found than one who does this.
- Abraham Lincoln

TEAMWORK...means never having to take all the blame yourself.
- Anonymous

I never make stupid mistakes.
Only very, very clever ones.
- John Peel

Until you've lost your reputation,
you never realize what a burden it was.
- Margaret Mitchell

I have great hopes that we shall love each other all our lives
as much as if we had never married at all.
- Lord Byron

A person who never made a mistake
never tried anything new.
- Albert Einstein

You never can tell with bees.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)

Stay Happy, never let anyone get your goat.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

One should always be in love.
That is the reason one should never marry.
- Oscar Wilde

I was wise enough to never grow up
while fooling most people into believing I had.
- Margaret Mead

I never accepted the idea
that I had to be guided by
some pattern or blueprint.
- Little Richard

Man's nature is not essentially evil.
Brute nature has been known to
yield to the influence of love.
You must never despair of human nature.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Never put off till tomorrow
what you can do the day after tomorrow.
- Mark Twain

Two things a man should never be angry at:
what he can help,
and what he cannot help.
- Thomas Fuller

The savage in man is never quite eradicated.
- Henry David Thoreau

People who want to share their religious views with you
almost never want you to share yours with them.
- Dave Barry

You are never too old to set another goal
or to dream a new dream.
- C. S. Lewis

Mind Chatter...
"I'm too fat; I'm too thin; and my hair is a fright;
And I'm never enough; and my world is not right;
I'm not smart; I'm not cute; I'm not strong; I'm a bust
I earn scorn; I earn hate; I'm no good; I disgust."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle,
and the life of the candle will not be shortened.
Happiness never decreases by being shared.
- The Buddha

Hate is never conquered by hate,
Hate is only conquered by love.
- The Buddha

Ignorance more frequently begets confidence than does knowledge:
it is those who know little, and not those who know much,
who so positively assert that this or that problem
will never be solved by science.
- Charles Darwin

Never interrupt someone doing what you said couldn't be done.
- Amelia Earhart


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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