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Funny Quotes about Life
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Funny Quotes about Subject

A fanatic is one who can't change his mind
and won't change the subject.
- Winston Churchill

There is no subject so old that something new cannot be said about it.
- Fyodor Dostoyevsky

I am mortified to be told that, in the United States of America,
the sale of a book can become a subject of inquiry,
and of criminal inquiry too.
- Thomas Jefferson

It is a cursed evil to any man to become as absorbed
in any subject as I am in mine.
- Charles Darwin

My only fear is that I may live too long.
This would be a subject of dread to me.
- Thomas Jefferson

Which beliefs bring out the best in you?
Which beliefs hold you prisoner to yesterday
and limit your options for designing a great future?
Test your beliefs with as much objectivity
as you can bring to the subject.
Be willing to let go of those beliefs
that represent your parents' opinions,
or your communities opinions, rather than your own.
Those beliefs that withstand rigorous testing,
should become the foundation of your being -
your reason for living.
Take action on those beliefs.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

About most subjects, there is not "The Truth;"
there is merely one's personal truth.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Everyone has an opinion on many subjects
and is ready to share those opinions -
labeling them as "truth."
Sometimes it is relatively easy
to filter out these opinions.
Upon hearing an ad for the latest
weight-loss powder on late-night TV,
our skepticism leaps to our defense.
However, if we have heard the same opinion for years
from our parents, friends,
government officials, or religious leaders,
we are more likely to believe without questioning
than to raise our filter of skepticism
and ask the hard questions.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand

It's not the size of the dog in the fight,
it's the size of the fight in the dog.
- Mark Twain

If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)

Live life on the edge, not with an edge.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer

"It's not that important,
don't worry about it" is the answer,
now what was the question?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West

I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
- Anonymous

Two things are infinite:
the universe and human stupidity;
and I'm not sure about the universe.
- Albert Einstein

Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again.
- Robert A. Heinlein

Yeah I called her up. She gave me a bunch of ...
about me not listening to her, or something.
I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.
- the movie Dumb & Dumber (1994)

No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous

Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
- Albert Einstein

I'm not used to feeling so human.
Is it always like this?
- Edward, from Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer

In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland

Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
- Albert Einstein

One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill

Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire

Marriage is a fine institution -
but I'm not ready for an institution yet.
- Mae West

It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel

It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous

The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death

When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain

Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed.
But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops.
Uh, depending on the breaks.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove

Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.
- Will Rogers

I'm not talking about lust.
A woman in lust wants chocolate.
A woman in love wants diamonds.
- the movie How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days

Personally, I'm always ready to learn,
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill

I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln

If at first you don't succeed,
skydiving is not for you.
- Anonymous

DON'T get officious.
You're not yourself when you're officious -
That is the curse of a government job.
- the movie Harold and Maude (1971)

Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek

Science is a wonderful thing
if one does not have to earn one's living at it.
- Albert Einstein

We are finally driven to monogamy
not by morality but by exhaustion.
- Erica Jong

When dealing with people, remember you are
not dealing with creatures of logic,
but creatures of emotion.
- Dale Carnegie

Life is never fair, and perhaps it is a good thing
for most of us that it is not.
- Oscar Wilde

Confused Memories of Childhood:
Hate to my father, cruel hate,
confused with love - a mix not great.
The man I love - the man I hate;
the man I want to emulate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

If you ask me anything I don't know,
I'm not going to answer.
- Yogi Berra

I am not afraid of storms
for I am learning how to sail my ship.
- Louisa May Alcott

The church is always trying to get other people to reform;
it might not be a bad idea to reform itself a little,
by way of example.
- Mark Twain

I once had a rose named after me
and I was very flattered.
But I was not pleased to read
the description in the catalogue:
no good in a bed, but fine up against a wall.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

It's not much of a tail, but I'm sort of attached to it.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)

Do not take life too seriously.
You will never get out of it alive.
- Elbert Hubbard

The existence of an anthropomorphic
"Father-figure" deity is not impossible,
merely exceptionally improbable and illogical.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The person who says it cannot be done
should not interrupt the person who is doing it.
- Chinese proverb

I am not young enough to know everything.
- Oscar Wilde

A ship in harbor is safe -
but that is not what ships are for.
- John A. Shedd

A positive attitude may not solve all your problems,
but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
- Herm Albright

The mind is not a vessel to be filled
but a fire to be kindled.
- Plutarch

I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man,
and I hate people like that!
- Tom Lehrer

My advice to you is get married:
if you find a good wife you'll be happy;
if not, you'll become a philosopher.
- Socrates

Normal is not something to aspire to,
it's something to get away from.
- Jodie Foster

Faith: not wanting to know what is true.
- Friedrich Nietzsche

If you can not answer a man's argument,
all is not lost; you can still call him vile names.
- Elbert Hubbard

There is no use whatsoever trying to help
people who do not help themselves.
You cannot push anyone up a ladder
unless he is willing to climb himself.
- Andrew Carnegie

For those who do not think,
it is best at least to rearrange
their prejudices once in a while.
- Luther Burbank

Am I not destroying my enemies
when I make friends of them?
- Abraham Lincoln

The rich are not born skeptical or cynical.
They are made that way by events, circumstances.
- Paul Getty

The lawyer's truth is not Truth,
but consistency or a consistent expediency.
- Henry David Thoreau

Genius may have its limitations,
but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
- Elbert Hubbard

One minute you're in the lunchroom at Glenwood High
and you ... blink and you're 40,
you blink again and you can see movies
at half price on a senior citizen's pass.
Ask not for whom the bell tolls, or to put it more accurately,
ask not for whom the toilet flushes.
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity

Silence is not always a Sign of Wisdom,
but Babbling is ever a folly.
- Benjamin Franklin

It's not very heroic to slay dragons.
Dragons are generally very peaceful and well behaved.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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