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Funny Quotes about Life
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Funny Quotes about Steerage

If he's first class, I'm traveling steerage.
- the movie Libeled Lady (1936)

See beauty in those unexpected places.
(she asked herself how people could let Bach be background noise.)
See the opportunity in what looks like inconvenience.
(she steered clear of the traffic jam
and went to the bakery she's been meaning to stop at.)
She embraces the undeclared possibility
in what seems like just another ordinary day.
(her friend is scheduled for cancer surgery
and suddenly everything around her seems so very precious.)
- Mary Anne Radmacher

If a man does not know what port he is steering for,
no wind is favorable to him.
- Seneca

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
- W. C. Fields

A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle.
- Benjamin Franklin

Don't marry a man to reform him -
that's what reform schools are for.
- Mae West

I am a man of fixed and unbending principles,
the first of which is to be flexible at all times.
- Everett Dirksen

He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of.
- Mae West

One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain

One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash

I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln

A man likes his wife to be
just clever enough to appreciate his cleverness,
and just stupid enough to admire it.
- Israel Zangwill

It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous

A man is a fool if he drinks before he reaches the age of 50,
and a fool if he doesn't afterward.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

Afraid? Me? A man who's licked
his weight in wild caterpillars?
Afraid? You bet I'm afraid!
- Groucho Marx

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx

One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein

You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle

Barf: I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!
- the movie Spaceballs (1987)

There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman -
before marriage and after marriage.
- Anonymous

No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous

Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde

Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous

You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

Whenever I date a guy, I think,
"Is this the man I want my children
to spend their weekends with?"
- Rita Rudner

Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy,
the first question I ask myself is:
is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
- Rita Rudner

A man is incomplete until he is married.
After that, he is finished.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland

A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler

Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West

Two things a man should never be angry at:
what he can help,
and what he cannot help.
- Thomas Fuller

Clothes make the man.
Naked people have little or no influence on society.
- Mark Twain

An intellectual is a man
who takes more words than necessary
to tell more than he knows.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

You can always tell when a man's well informed.
His views are pretty much like your own.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
- Albert Schweitzer

Give the right man two fishes and some bread,
and he will feed the world;
give the wrong man two fishes and some bread
and he will invent the fast-food fish sandwich.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

If you can not answer a man's argument,
all is not lost; you can still call him vile names.
- Elbert Hubbard

Mr. Attlee is a very modest man.
Indeed he has a lot to be modest about.
- Winston Churchill

Every man thinks God is on his side.
- Jean Anouilh

We are born believing.
A man bears beliefs as a tree bears apples.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

A conservative is a man who is
too cowardly to fight and too fat to run.
- Elbert Hubbard

You know your god is man-made when he
hates all the same people you do.
- Anonymous

I will far rather see the race of man extinct
than that we should become less than beasts
by making the noblest of God's creation,
woman, the object of our lust.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

The man who says he is willing to meet you halfway
is usually a poor judge of distance.
- Laurence J. Peter

Man is a credulous animal, and must believe something;
in the absence of good grounds for belief,
he will be satisfied with bad ones.
- Bertrand Russell

If it keeps up, man will atrophy
all his limbs but the push-button finger.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

It is sad but unfortunately true that
man learns nothing from history.
- Carl Jung

Show me a sane man, and I will cure him for you.
- Carl Jung

Man can hardly even recognize the devils of his own creation.
- Albert Schweitzer

A man is usually more careful of his money
than he is of his principles.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

The man of science is a poor philosopher.
- Albert Einstein

Man's role is uncertain, undefined, and perhaps unnecessary.
- Margaret Mead

Man tends to treat all of his opinions as principles.
- Herbert Sebastian Agar

A benevolent man should allow a few faults in himself,
to keep his friends in countenance.
- Benjamin Franklin

I choose my friends for their good looks,
my acquaintances for their good characters,
and my enemies for their intellects.
A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
- Oscar Wilde

The savage in man is never quite eradicated.
- Henry David Thoreau

Morality which depends upon the helplessness
of a man or woman has not much to recommend it.
Morality is rooted in the purity of our hearts.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

The man who reads nothing at all
is better educated than the man who reads nothing but newspapers.
- Thomas Jefferson

An excellent man;
he has no enemies;
and none of his friends like him.
- Oscar Wilde

God must love the common man, he made so many of them.
- Abraham Lincoln

The man who can smile when things go wrong
has thought of someone else he can blame it on.
- Robert Bloch

Man's nature is not essentially evil.
Brute nature has been known to
yield to the influence of love.
You must never despair of human nature.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Too often the strong, silent man is silent only because
he does not know what to say, and is reputed strong
only because he has remained silent.
- Winston Churchill

The way for a young man to rise is
to improve himself in every way he can,
never suspecting that anybody wishes to hinder him.
- Abraham Lincoln

The man who does not read good books
has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
- Mark Twain

Never stir up litigation.
A worse man can scarcely be found than one who does this.
- Abraham Lincoln

It appears to be a law that you cannot have
a deep sympathy with both man and nature.
- Henry David Thoreau

Beauty is the bait which with delight
allures man to enlarge his kind.
- Socrates

I want to be the white man's brother, not his brother-in-law.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.