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Funny Quotes about Life
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Funny Quotes about Standstill

Every optimist moves along with progress and hastens it,
while every pessimist would keep the worlds at a standstill.
The consequence of pessimism in the life of a nation
is the same as in the life of the individual.
Pessimism kills the instinct that
urges men to struggle against poverty,
ignorance and crime, and dries up
all the fountains of joy in the world.
- Helen Keller

I am an optimist.
It does not seem too much use being anything else.
- Winston Churchill

An optimist is a person who sees a green light everywhere,
while the pessimist sees only the red stoplight.
The truly wise person is colorblind.
- Albert Schweitzer

If I am happy in spite of my deprivations,
if my happiness is so deep that it is a faith,
so thoughtful that it becomes a philosophy of life.
If, in short, I am an optimist,
my testimony to the creed of optimism is worth hearing.
- Helen Keller
...
Helen Keller (1880-1968) overcame being both deaf and blind
to become a famous author, lecturer, and activist
for women's suffrage, workers' rights, and ending war.

An optimist is one who makes the best
of what he gets the worst of.
- Anonymous

A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity;
an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
- Winston Churchill

I have become my own version of an optimist.
If I can't make it through one door,
I'll go through another door - or I'll make a door.
Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present.
- Rabindranath Tagore

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand

Live life on the edge, not with an edge.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)

"It's not that important,
don't worry about it" is the answer,
now what was the question?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

It's not the size of the dog in the fight,
it's the size of the fight in the dog.
- Mark Twain

Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer

I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln

It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel

The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death

Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
- Albert Einstein

Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek

I'm not used to feeling so human.
Is it always like this?
- Edward, from Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer

Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed.
But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops.
Uh, depending on the breaks.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove

One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill

Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again.
- Robert A. Heinlein

Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West

If at first you don't succeed,
skydiving is not for you.
- Anonymous

Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
- Albert Einstein

I'm not talking about lust.
A woman in lust wants chocolate.
A woman in love wants diamonds.
- the movie How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days

Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.
- Will Rogers

In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland

Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire

Yeah I called her up. She gave me a bunch of ...
about me not listening to her, or something.
I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.
- the movie Dumb & Dumber (1994)

Marriage is a fine institution -
but I'm not ready for an institution yet.
- Mae West

It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous

Personally, I'm always ready to learn,
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill

No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous

DON'T get officious.
You're not yourself when you're officious -
That is the curse of a government job.
- the movie Harold and Maude (1971)

The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
- Anonymous

When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain

Two things are infinite:
the universe and human stupidity;
and I'm not sure about the universe.
- Albert Einstein

Only two things are infinite,
the universe and human stupidity,
and I'm not sure about the former.
- Albert Einstein

The mind is not a vessel to be filled
but a fire to be kindled.
- Plutarch

The rich are not born skeptical or cynical.
They are made that way by events, circumstances.
- Paul Getty

Faith: not wanting to know what is true.
- Friedrich Nietzsche

The church is always trying to get other people to reform;
it might not be a bad idea to reform itself a little,
by way of example.
- Mark Twain

I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man,
and I hate people like that!
- Tom Lehrer

Man's nature is not essentially evil.
Brute nature has been known to
yield to the influence of love.
You must never despair of human nature.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Time you enjoy wasting, was not wasted.
- John Lennon

The existence of an anthropomorphic
"Father-figure" deity is not impossible,
merely exceptionally improbable and illogical.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Morality which depends upon the helplessness
of a man or woman has not much to recommend it.
Morality is rooted in the purity of our hearts.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

It's not a mess.
It's a physical manifestation of
a wonderfully complex ability to
assess and compartmentalize information.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

The man who does not read good books
has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
- Mark Twain

Silence is not always a Sign of Wisdom,
but Babbling is ever a folly.
- Benjamin Franklin

It's not clutter, it's my unique filing system.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

A ship in harbor is safe -
but that is not what ships are for.
- John A. Shedd

It's not very heroic to slay dragons.
Dragons are generally very peaceful and well behaved.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Normal is not something to aspire to,
it's something to get away from.
- Jodie Foster

Adventure is not outside man; it is within.
- George Eliot

People who say it cannot be done should not
interrupt those who are doing it.
- George Bernard Shaw

The objection to Puritans is not that
they try to make us think as they do,
but that they try to make us do as they think.
- H. L. Mencken

If Christ were here now there is one thing
he would not be - a Christian.
- Mark Twain

The wine of youth does not always
clear with advancing years;
sometimes it grows turbid.
- Carl Jung

I am not afraid of storms
for I am learning how to sail my ship.
- Louisa May Alcott

Do not use a hatchet to remove
a fly from your friend's forehead.
- Chinese Proverb

What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?
- Ursula K. Le Guin

I am not young enough to know everything.
- Oscar Wilde

I once had a rose named after me
and I was very flattered.
But I was not pleased to read
the description in the catalogue:
no good in a bed, but fine up against a wall.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

Though I am a servant, I am not your servant.
- Ursula K. Le Guin

The most difficult phase of life
is not when no one understands you,
it is when you don't understand yourself.
- Anonymous

One minute you're in the lunchroom at Glenwood High
and you ... blink and you're 40,
you blink again and you can see movies
at half price on a senior citizen's pass.
Ask not for whom the bell tolls, or to put it more accurately,
ask not for whom the toilet flushes.
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity

I want to be the white man's brother, not his brother-in-law.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Contrary to general belief,
I do not believe that friends are necessarily
the people you like best,
they are merely the people who got there first.
- Peter Ustinov


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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