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Funny Quotes about Life
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Funny Quotes about Spouse

Love your spouse as they are,
and forgive them everything.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

For a happy marriage,
love and accept your spouse just the way they are.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Not everyone is always going to like what you do.
Your job application, your book proposal,
your offer of marriage is going to
get rejected sometimes - perhaps often.
Your boss, your spouse, even the person
behind you in the supermarket checkout line
is occasionally going to think that you are doing it all wrong.
Don't take it personally.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

When one gets angry, it is always angry AT someone -
perhaps a friend or spouse, perhaps a stranger,
perhaps the nameless "they" - "those people at the bank wronged me,"
perhaps God, or perhaps oneself.
In any case, when one gets angry,
they want to find someone to be "responsible" for what happened.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Choose love. Choose to release all resentments.
Forgive everyone. Choose to release all regrets.
Forgive yourself for all decisions that you have ever made
that didn't work out as you hoped.
Forgive yourself for any financial decisions
that didn't meet your expectations.
Release your regrets if you choose
the "wrong" spouse or the "wrong" career.
Today, choose love.
Choose to love yourself.
Choose to love your life.
Choose to love all the friends, family, co-workers,
acquaintances, and others who share your life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

It's YOUR time - it's YOUR life -
YOU get to choose how you use it. T
here is no way that your life is "supposed" to be.
Your parents had their vision for your life.
Your boss, your spouse, your church, your friends,
and even the family next door have their ideas
of how you should live your life.
What about YOUR vision for your life?
What do YOU want?
YES, it matters what you want.
YES you can have what you want.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The first sigh of love is the last breath of wisdom.
- Anonymous

Love is an irresistible desire
to be irresistibly desired.
- Robert Frost

Love conquers all things except poverty and a toothache.
- Mae West

Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
- H. L. Mencken

Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
- Albert Einstein

Love is like an hourglass,
with the heart filling up as the brain empties.
- Jules Renard

I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner

Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.
- H. L. Mencken

Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter
quite like unrequited love.
- Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts comic

In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland

Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
- H. L. Mencken

Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde

True love is like ghosts,
which everyone talks about and few have seen.
- Francois de La Rochefoucauld

The only true love is love at first sight;
second sight dispels it.
- Israel Zangwill

My wife ran off with my best friend, and I sure do miss him.
- Anonymous

When you are courting a nice girl
an hour seems like a second.
When you sit on a red-hot cinder
a second seems like an hour.
That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein

I love to shop after a bad relationship.
I don't know. I buy a new outfit
and it makes me feel better. It just does.
Sometimes I see a really great outfit,
I'll break up with someone on purpose.
- Rita Rudner

True love comes quietly,
without banners or flashing lights.
If you hear bells, get your ears checked.
- Erich Segal

Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
- Albert Einstein

Love is a grave mental disease.
- Plato

One's first love is always perfect
until one meets one's second love.
- Elizabeth Aston

A relationship, I think, is like a shark.
You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall (1977)

Love is metaphysical gravity.
- R. Buckminster Fuller

Oh, come on, Shrek, wake up and smell the pheromones!
- the movie Shrek (2001)

Love is loving what your lover loves.
- Anonymous

My boyfriend and I broke up.
He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.
- Rita Rudner

Love looks through a telescope;
envy, through a microscope.
- Josh Billings

A woman in love can't be reasonable -
or she probably wouldn't be in love.
- Mae West

A honeymoon should be like a table:
four bare legs and no drawers.
- Anonymous

I'd like to kiss ya, but I just washed ma hair.
- the movie The Cabin in the Cotton

Love is only a dirty trick played on us
to achieve continuation of the species.
- W. Somerset Maugham

The feeling of friendship is like that
of being comfortably filled with roast beef;
love, like being enlivened with champagne.
- Samuel Johnson

Love thy neighbor -
and if he happens to be tall,
debonair and devastating,
it will be that much easier.
- Mae West

Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth
until the hour of separation.
- Khalil Gibran

Save a boyfriend for a rainy day -
and another, in case it doesn't rain.
- Mae West

Love is what makes two people
sit in the middle of a park bench
when there is plenty of room at both ends.
- Anonymous

The Wedding March always reminds me of the music
played when soldiers go into battle.
- Heinrich Heine

Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

Life is a reflection of intent.
Love reflects love.
Hate reflects hate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Love does not claim possession, but gives freedom.
- Rabindranath Tagore

We are not held back by the love we didn't receive in the past,
but by the love we're not extending in the present.
- Marianne Williamson

Lord, grant that I might not so much
seek to be loved as to love.
- St. Francis of Assisi

Love comforteth like sunshine after rain.
- William Shakespeare

I want a girl just like good old mom,
who is different in every way.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Beauty without grace is the hook without the bait.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Where There is Love, Nothing is Missing.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

To the people who love you,
you are beautiful already.
This is not because they're
blind to your shortcomings
but because they so clearly see your soul.
- Victoria Moran

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
- Anonymous

Do you feel stuck?
Whether in a project, a job, a relationship,
or some other situation,
there is a time for perseverance,
and a time for letting go and moving on.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

All discarded lovers should be given a second chance,
but with somebody else.
- Mae West

If love is the answer,
could you please rephrase the question.
- Lily Tomlin

Love is the flower you've got to let grow.
- John Lennon

This is my ultimate fantasy:
watching QVC with a credit card
while making love and eating at the same time.
- Yasmine Bleeth

Love me when I least deserve it,
because that's when I really need it.
- Swedish Proverb

We are finally driven to monogamy
not by morality but by exhaustion.
- Erica Jong

This day I will marry my friend,
the one I laugh with, live for, dream with, love.
- Anonymous

Where There is Love,
Nothing is Missing.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I have found that if you love life,
life will love you back.
- Arthur Rubinstein

Look your best - who said love is blind?
- Mae West

Love means not ever having to say you're sorry.
- Erich Segal

True love is a process of co-creation
in which neither feels ownership or superiority.
Jealousy is a highly destructive force
for love and relationships.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain

Beauty is the bait which with delight
allures man to enlarge his kind.
- Socrates

New Yorkers love it when you spill your guts out there.
Spill your guts at Wimbledon and they make you stop and clean it up.
- Jimmy Carter

Jealousy is all the fun you think they had.
- Erica Jong


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.