Funny Quotes about Second Chances

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
- Samuel Johnson [also attributed to Oscar Wilde]

All discarded lovers should be given a second chance,
but with somebody else.
- Mae West

In religion and politics, people's belief's and convictions
are in almost every case gotten at second hand,
and without examination
- Mark Twain

Many a man owes his success to his first wife
and his second wife to his success.
- Jim Backus

One's first love is always perfect
until one meets one's second love.
- Elizabeth Aston

The only true love is love at first sight;
second sight dispels it.
- Israel Zangwill

Honesty may be the best policy,
but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination,
dishonesty is the second-best policy.
- George Carlin

If we were to do the Second Coming of Christ
in color for a full hour,
there would be a considerable number of stations
which would decline to carry it on the grounds
that a Western or a quiz show would be more profitable.
- Edward R. Murrow

Always be a first-rate version of yourself,
instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.
- Judy Garland

Tradition is like a second-hand store.
It is best to sort carefully
between the treasures and the trash.
See everything with new eyes.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Once you say you're going to settle for second,
that's what happens to you in life.
- John F. Kennedy

The most terrible job in warfare is to be a second lieutenant
leading a platoon when you are on the battlefield.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

Shrinking away from death
is something unhealthy and abnormal -
which robs the second half of life of its purpose.
- Carl Jung

All truth passes through three stages:
First, it is ridiculed;
Second, it is violently opposed;
Third, it is accepted as self-evident.
- Arthur Schopenhauer

How you respond to the challenge in the second half
will determine what you become after the game,
whether you are a winner or a loser.
- Lou Holtz

The second office in the government is honorable and easy;
the first is but a splendid misery.
- Thomas Jefferson

It is the first law of friendship
that it has to be cultivated.
The second is to be indulgent
when the first law is neglected.
- Voltaire

I have treated many hundreds of patients.
Among those in the second half of life -
that is to say, over 35 -
there has not been one whose problem in the last resort
was not that of finding a religious outlook on life.
- Carl Jung

Looking at a sunset, just for a second
you forget your separateness:
you are the sunset.
That is the moment when you feel the beauty of it.
But the moment you say that it is a beautiful sunset,
you are no longer feeling it;
you have come back to your separate,
enclosed entity of the ego.
Now the mind is speaking.
- Osho

I have three precious things which I hold fast and prize.
The first is gentleness;
the second is frugality;
the third is humility, which keeps me from putting myself before others.
Be gentle and you can be bold;
be frugal and you can be generous;
avoid putting yourself before others
and you can become a leader among men.
- Lao Tzu

"Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?"
Jesus replied:
"'Love the Lord your God with all your heart
and with all your soul and with all your mind.'
This is the first and greatest commandment.
And the second is like it:
'Love your neighbor as yourself.'
All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments."
- Matthew 22:36-40

Meddling:
Everything that happens in the world, or doesn't happen,
is NOT my responsibility.
There are more than enough things that are my responsibility.
I am responsible for my thoughts, my beliefs, and my actions -
and that is enough.
It does not serve me to mind anyone else's business.
I can only make myself unhappy by trying to second guess
what anyone else thinks or does.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Love bravely, live bravely, be courageous;
there's really nothing to lose.
There's no wrong you can't make right again,
so be kinder to yourself;
have fun, take chances. There are no bounds.
- Jewel

We may not always be aware of it, but we all create
and repeat affirmations constantly.
The problem is, we typically don't pay attention
to exactly what those affirmations are saying.
Often we go through the day giving ourselves
all sorts of contradictory, or even negative messages.
We may project confidence to the world around us,
while our inner dialogue says...
I hope this works.
I am so nervous about this.
I hope I don't blow it.
Affirmations are self fulfilling prophecies.
If we say, This is never going to work
... then chances are excellent it never will.
- John Assaraf

Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde

I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner

Love is like an hourglass,
with the heart filling up as the brain empties.
- Jules Renard

Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter
quite like unrequited love.
- Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts comic

In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland

A relationship, I think, is like a shark.
You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall (1977)

The Wedding March always reminds me of the music
played when soldiers go into battle.
- Heinrich Heine

A woman in love can't be reasonable -
or she probably wouldn't be in love.
- Mae West

My boyfriend and I broke up.
He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.
- Rita Rudner

Love thy neighbor -
and if he happens to be tall,
debonair and devastating,
it will be that much easier.
- Mae West

Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth
until the hour of separation.
- Khalil Gibran

The feeling of friendship is like that
of being comfortably filled with roast beef;
love, like being enlivened with champagne.
- Samuel Johnson

I'd like to kiss ya, but I just washed ma hair.
- the movie The Cabin in the Cotton

True love is like ghosts,
which everyone talks about and few have seen.
- Francois de La Rochefoucauld

Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
- Albert Einstein

Save a boyfriend for a rainy day -
and another, in case it doesn't rain.
- Mae West

Love is only a dirty trick played on us
to achieve continuation of the species.
- W. Somerset Maugham

I love to shop after a bad relationship.
I don't know. I buy a new outfit
and it makes me feel better. It just does.
Sometimes I see a really great outfit,
I'll break up with someone on purpose.
- Rita Rudner

True love comes quietly,
without banners or flashing lights.
If you hear bells, get your ears checked.
- Erich Segal

Love is what makes two people
sit in the middle of a park bench
when there is plenty of room at both ends.
- Anonymous

Beauty is an outward gift,
which is seldom despised,
except by those to whom it has been refused.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

I Dream This Day of Wondrous Things,
of Peace and Hope and Pride.
I Dance My Dance with Life Today,
I'm Filled with Love Inside.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

We are not held back by the love we didn't receive in the past,
but by the love we're not extending in the present.
- Marianne Williamson

Do you feel stuck?
Whether in a project, a job, a relationship,
or some other situation,
there is a time for perseverance,
and a time for letting go and moving on.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

We are finally driven to monogamy
not by morality but by exhaustion.
- Erica Jong

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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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Funny Quotes about Second Chances

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