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Funny Quotes about Life
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Funny Quotes about Retained

Moral authority is never retained by
any attempt to hold on to it.
It comes without seeking and
is retained without effort.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

It is an interesting question how far men
would retain their relative rank
if they were divested of their clothes.
- Henry David Thoreau

The very nature of the world is constant change.
You set a goal and create a plan to achieve it;
then the assumptions on which you
based your plan change - they always do.
The challenge is to retain your goals
while adapting your tactics.
Relax and stay flexible in order to reach
your goals and maintain your happiness.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The strongest reason for the people
to retain the right to keep and bear arms is,
as a last resort, to protect themselves
against tyranny in government.
- Thomas Jefferson

That you may retain your self-respect, it is better
to displease the people by doing what you know is right,
than to temporarily please them by doing what you know is wrong.
- William J. H. Boetcker

I wanted to see exotic Vietnam, the jewel of Southeast Asia.
I, uh, I wanted to meet interesting
and stimulating people of an ancient culture,
and kill them.
- the movie Full Metal Jacket

Interesting.
You Earth people glorify organized violence for 40 centuries,
but you imprison those who employ it privately.
- the character Spock in the television series Star Trek

A lot of presidential memoirs, they say, are dull and self-serving.
I hope mine is interesting and self-serving.
- William J. Clinton

The only interesting answers are those that destroy the questions.
- Susan Sontag

Success is never so interesting as struggle
- Willa Cather

The most interesting information comes from children,
for they tell all they know and then stop.
- Mark Twain

I have often wanted to drown my troubles,
but I can't get my wife to go swimming.
- Anonymous

My boyfriend and I broke up.
He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.
- Rita Rudner

After fifteen minutes I wanted to marry her,
and after half an hour
I completely gave up the idea of stealing her purse.
- the movie Take the Money and Run (1969)

Today is the right day to do
what you have long wanted to do.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

In all our contacts, it is probably the sense
of being really needed and wanted
which gives us the greatest satisfaction
and creates the most lasting bond.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind. "Pooh?" he whispered.
"Yes, Piglet?"
"Nothing," said Piglet, taking Pooh's hand.
"I just wanted to be sure of you."
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)

In my prayers I never said I needed a home.
I said I wanted a sanctuary.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

A somebody was once a nobody who wanted to and did.
- John Burroughs

Some people wanted champagne and caviar
when they should have had beer and hot dogs.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

Even the rich are hungry for love,
for being cared for, for being wanted,
for having someone to call their own.
- Mother Teresa

Sometimes you get the results you wanted,
sometimes you don't.
What matters is that you did your best.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I wanted to know the name of every stone
and flower and insect and bird and beast.
I wanted to know where it got its color, where it got its life -
but there was no one to tell me.
- George Washington Carver

I wanted to be a doctor that I might be able to work
without having to talk
because for years I had been giving myself out in words.
- Albert Schweitzer

The worst government is often the most moral.
One composed of cynics is often very tolerant and humane.
But when fanatics are on top there is no limit to oppression.
- H. L. Mencken

Happiness is often the result of being too busy to be miserable.
- Anonymous

In the course of my life, I have often had to eat my words,
and I must confess that I have always found it a wholesome diet.
- Winston Churchill

Money often costs too much.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Do not laugh much or often or unrestrainedly.
- Epictetus

Too often we... enjoy the comfort of opinion
without the discomfort of thought.
- John F. Kennedy

If you refuse to accept anything but the best,
you very often get it.
- Somerset Maugham

Rules are mostly made to be broken
and are too often for the lazy to hide behind.
- Douglas MacArthur

People say conversation is a lost art;
how often I have wished it were.
- Edward R. Murrow

Too often the strong, silent man is silent only because
he does not know what to say, and is reputed strong
only because he has remained silent.
- Winston Churchill

Worry often gives a small thing a big shadow.
- Swedish Proverb

One of the annoying things about believing in free will
and individual responsibility is the difficulty
of finding somebody to blame your problems on.
And when you do find somebody, it's remarkable
how often his picture turns up on your driver's license.
- P. J. O'Rourke

The price of freedom for a nation is lives and money.
Often, the price of freedom for an individual
is challenging the closed minds of family and friend.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The darkest night is often the bridge to the brightest tomorrow.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Today is your day to laugh at life,
laugh at what's funny - laugh at what's sad,
laugh loud - laugh often,
laugh at me - laugh at you - laugh at life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Live Well, Love Much, Laugh Often.
- Anonymous

It is better to light a candle than to curse the darkness.
- Chinese proverb often quoted by Eleanor Roosevelt

From the deepest desires often come the deadliest hate.
- Socrates

To laugh often and much;
to win the respect of intelligent people
and the affection of children,
to leave the world a better place,
to know even one life has breathed easier
because you have lived,
this is to have succeeded.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Mostly, it is human to dislike surprises -
often with great intensity.
Be open to new ways;
sometimes newness just knocks on our door;
welcome it.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Live boldly. Laugh Loudly. Love Truly.
Play as often as you can
Work as smart as you are able.
Share your heart as deeply as you can reach.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

No man stands so tall as when he stoops to help a child.
- Anonymous (often attributed to Abraham Lincoln)

Avoiding danger is no safer
in the long run than outright exposure.
The fearful are caught as often as the bold.
- Helen Keller

It's a funny thing about life;
if you refuse to accept anything but the best,
you very often get it.
- W. Somerset Maugham

Often the hands will solve a mystery
that the intellect has struggled with in vain.
- Carl Jung

It is often easier to ask for forgiveness
than to ask for permission.
- Grace Hopper

Intense feeling too often obscures the truth.
- Harry S. Truman

In time we hate that which we often fear.
- William Shakespeare

Know the best and highest choices for health
and more often choose those things.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Indifference and neglect often
do much more damage than outright dislike.
- J. K. Rowling

Play as often as you can.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Know that the darkest night is often
the bridge to the brightest tomorrow.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Being defeated is often a temporary condition.
Giving up is what makes it permanent.
- Marilyn vos Savant

People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered; ...
Forgive them anyway.
- Kent Keith
(often attributed to Mother Teresa, who kept a copy
on the wall of her orphanage)

The courage of life is often a less dramatic spectacle
than the courage of a final moment;
but it is no less a magnificent mixture of triumph and tragedy.
- John F. Kennedy

A widespread belief is more often likely
to be foolish than sensible.
- Bertrand Russell

Small opportunities are often
the beginning of great enterprises.
- Demosthenes

Honest disagreement is often a good sign of progress.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Jealousy is a disease, love is a healthy condition.
The immature mind often mistakes one for the other,
or assumes that the greater the love, the greater the jealousy -
in fact, they're almost incompatible;
one emotion hardly leaves room for the other.
Both at once can produce unbearable turmoil.
- Robert Heinlein

The best cure for our own self-inflicted suffering
is often service to others.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Friendship often ends in love; but love in friendship - never.
- Charles Caleb Colton

Success often grows best in the fertile soil of failure.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

People often say that motivation doesn't last.
Well, neither does bathing - that's why we recommend it daily.
- Zig Ziglar

What people often mean by getting rid of conflict
is getting rid of diversity,
and it is of the utmost importance
that these should not be considered the same.
- M. P. Follett

I've learned that mistakes can often be
as good a teacher as success.
- Jack Welch

The willow which bends to the tempest,
often escapes better than the oak which resists it;
and so in great calamities,
it sometimes happens that light and frivolous spirits
recover their elasticity and presence of mind sooner
than those of a loftier character.
- Albert Schweitzer

Watch what people are cynical about,
and one can often discover what they lack.
- George S. Patton


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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