Man is descended from a hairy, tailed quadruped,
probably arboreal in its habits.
- Charles Darwin
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand 
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
- W. C. Fields
A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle.
- Benjamin Franklin
Whenever I date a guy, I think,
"Is this the man I want my children
to spend their weekends with?"
- Rita Rudner
Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous
One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein
He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of.
- Mae West
Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy,
the first question I ask myself is:
is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
- Rita Rudner
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx
No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous
A man likes his wife to be
just clever enough to appreciate his cleverness,
and just stupid enough to admire it.
- Israel Zangwill
There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman -
before marriage and after marriage.
- Anonymous
Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde
It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous
I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln
One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain
A man is incomplete until he is married.
After that, he is finished.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Don't marry a man to reform him -
that's what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
Afraid? Me? A man who's licked
his weight in wild caterpillars?
Afraid? You bet I'm afraid!
- Groucho Marx
You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle
A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
I am a man of fixed and unbending principles,
the first of which is to be flexible at all times.
- Everett Dirksen
Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Barf: I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!
- the movie Spaceballs (1987)
You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
A man is a fool if he drinks before he reaches the age of 50,
and a fool if he doesn't afterward.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash
Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
Man's nature is not essentially evil.
Brute nature has been known to
yield to the influence of love.
You must never despair of human nature.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
I would never want to be a member of a group
whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
- George Carlin
The man who can smile when things go wrong
has thought of someone else he can blame it on.
- Robert Bloch
Every man prefers belief to the exercise of judgment.
- Lucius Annaeus Seneca
If I knew for a certainty that a man was coming to my house
with the conscious design of doing me good,
I should run for my life.
- Henry David Thoreau
The power of man has grown in every sphere, except over himself.
- Winston Churchill
A conservative is a man who is
too cowardly to fight and too fat to run.
- Elbert Hubbard
Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
- Albert Schweitzer
The reason why the world lacks unity,
and lies broken and in heaps,
is, because man is disunited with himself.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
When I hear a man preach,
I like to see him act as if he were fighting bees.
- Abraham Lincoln
The civilized man has built a coach,
but has lost the use of his feet.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Too often the strong, silent man is silent only because
he does not know what to say, and is reputed strong
only because he has remained silent.
- Winston Churchill
A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers,
looks around for a coffin.
- H. L. Mencken
It is sad but unfortunately true that
man learns nothing from history.
- Carl Jung
If a man smiles all the time,
he's probably selling something that doesn't work.
- George Carlin
A benevolent man should allow a few faults in himself,
to keep his friends in countenance.
- Benjamin Franklin
Never give a sword to a man who can't dance.
- Confucius
Every man thinks God is on his side.
- Jean Anouilh
I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man,
and I hate people like that!
- Tom Lehrer
Books serve to show a man
that those original thoughts of his
aren't very new at all.
- Abraham Lincoln
The way for a young man to rise is
to improve himself in every way he can,
never suspecting that anybody wishes to hinder him.
- Abraham Lincoln
The savage in man is never quite eradicated.
- Henry David Thoreau
I would rather trust a woman's instinct than a man's reason.
- Stanley Baldwin
Show me a sane man, and I will cure him for you.
- Carl Jung
Man's role is uncertain, undefined, and perhaps unnecessary.
- Margaret Mead
A little girl at the wedding afterwards asked her mother
why the bride changed her mind.
What do you mean? responded her mother.
Well, she went down the aisle with one man,
and came back with another.
- Anonymous
One man's "magic" is another man's engineering.
"Supernatural" is a null word.
- Robert A. Heinlein
I like a man who grins when he fights.
- Winston Churchill
I don't advise a haircut, man.
All hairdressers are in the employment of the government.
Hairs are your aerials.
They pick up signals from the cosmos,
and transmit them directly into the brain.
This is the reason bald-headed men are uptight.
- the movie Withnail & I
God must love the common man, he made so many of them.
- Abraham Lincoln
I will far rather see the race of man extinct
than that we should become less than beasts
by making the noblest of God's creation,
woman, the object of our lust.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
If you can not answer a man's argument,
all is not lost; you can still call him vile names.
- Elbert Hubbard
I want to be the white man's brother, not his brother-in-law.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
Morality which depends upon the helplessness
of a man or woman has not much to recommend it.
Morality is rooted in the purity of our hearts.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
An intellectual is a man
who takes more words than necessary
to tell more than he knows.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
It appears to be a law that you cannot have
a deep sympathy with both man and nature.
- Henry David Thoreau
The man of science is a poor philosopher.
- Albert Einstein
Man tends to treat all of his opinions as principles.
- Herbert Sebastian Agar
Adventure is not outside man; it is within.
- George Eliot
A man is usually more careful of his money
than he is of his principles.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
The man who does not read good books
has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
- Mark Twain
Please sign up on the form below to receive
my Free Daily Inspiration - Daily Quotes email.
You can also search my large collection of Funny Quotes.
May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.