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Funny Quotes about Life
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Funny Quotes about Punished

You will not be punished for your anger,
you will be punished by your anger.
- The Buddha

It is more dangerous that even
a guilty person should be punished
without the forms of law
than that he should escape.
- Thomas Jefferson

I do not believe that God has
imposed suffering upon anyone
to punish them or to teach them a lesson.
- Ernest Holmes

The only way to store information is by agreement.
The belief system is like a Book of Law that rules our mind.
Our biggest fear is taking the risk to be alive.
Humans punish themselves endlessly
for not being what they believe they should be.
We have the need to be accepted and to be loved by others,
but we cannot accept and love ourselves.
- don Miguel Ruiz

I do not believe in the God of theology
who rewards good and punishes evil.
- Albert Einstein

I cannot imagine a God who rewards and punishes
the objects of his creation
and is but a reflection of human frailty.
- Albert Einstein

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand

"It's not that important,
don't worry about it" is the answer,
now what was the question?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer

If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)

It's not the size of the dog in the fight,
it's the size of the fight in the dog.
- Mark Twain

Live life on the edge, not with an edge.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death

Personally, I'm always ready to learn,
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill

I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
- Anonymous

Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again.
- Robert A. Heinlein

Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.
- Will Rogers

I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln

Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
- Albert Einstein

Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed.
But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops.
Uh, depending on the breaks.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove

When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain

It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous

Marriage is a fine institution -
but I'm not ready for an institution yet.
- Mae West

I'm not talking about lust.
A woman in lust wants chocolate.
A woman in love wants diamonds.
- the movie How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days

The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel

I'm not used to feeling so human.
Is it always like this?
- Edward, from Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer

Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek

Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire

One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill

Yeah I called her up. She gave me a bunch of ...
about me not listening to her, or something.
I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.
- the movie Dumb & Dumber (1994)

If at first you don't succeed,
skydiving is not for you.
- Anonymous

Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West

Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
- Albert Einstein

DON'T get officious.
You're not yourself when you're officious -
That is the curse of a government job.
- the movie Harold and Maude (1971)

In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland

Two things are infinite:
the universe and human stupidity;
and I'm not sure about the universe.
- Albert Einstein

No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous

One minute you're in the lunchroom at Glenwood High
and you ... blink and you're 40,
you blink again and you can see movies
at half price on a senior citizen's pass.
Ask not for whom the bell tolls, or to put it more accurately,
ask not for whom the toilet flushes.
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity

Faith: not wanting to know what is true.
- Friedrich Nietzsche

It is only the poor who pay cash,
and that not from virtue,
but because they are refused credit.
- Anatole France

I do not fear death.
I had been dead for billions and billions
of years before I was born,
and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.
- Mark Twain

Contrary to general belief,
I do not believe that friends are necessarily
the people you like best,
they are merely the people who got there first.
- Peter Ustinov

Science is a wonderful thing
if one does not have to earn one's living at it.
- Albert Einstein

For centuries, theologians have been explaining
the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
- H. L. Mencken

When dealing with people, remember you are
not dealing with creatures of logic,
but creatures of emotion.
- Dale Carnegie

One does not discover new lands without consenting
to lose sight of the shore for a very long time.
- Andre Gide

Do not use a hatchet to remove
a fly from your friend's forehead.
- Chinese Proverb

I'm sure we all agree that we ought to love one another
and I know there are people in the world
that do not love their fellow human beings
and I HATE people like that.
- Tom Lehrer

If you ask me anything I don't know,
I'm not going to answer.
- Yogi Berra

We are finally driven to monogamy
not by morality but by exhaustion.
- Erica Jong

I am not young enough to know everything.
- Oscar Wilde

The person who says it cannot be done
should not interrupt the person who is doing it.
- Chinese proverb

Belief is not the beginning but the end of all knowledge.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

If you can not answer a man's argument,
all is not lost; you can still call him vile names.
- Elbert Hubbard

Do not speak to me of rules.
This is war! This is not a game of cricket!
- from the movie The Bridge On The River Kwai

Although personally I am quite content with existing explosives,
I feel we must not stand in the path of improvement.
- Winston Churchill

I am not afraid of storms
for I am learning how to sail my ship.
- Louisa May Alcott

I once had a rose named after me
and I was very flattered.
But I was not pleased to read
the description in the catalogue:
no good in a bed, but fine up against a wall.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

The church is always trying to get other people to reform;
it might not be a bad idea to reform itself a little,
by way of example.
- Mark Twain

It's not much of a tail, but I'm sort of attached to it.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)

For those who do not think,
it is best at least to rearrange
their prejudices once in a while.
- Luther Burbank

It's not clutter, it's my unique filing system.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

If Christ were here now there is one thing
he would not be - a Christian.
- Mark Twain

The wine of youth does not always
clear with advancing years;
sometimes it grows turbid.
- Carl Jung

Only two things are infinite,
the universe and human stupidity,
and I'm not sure about the former.
- Albert Einstein

I want to be the white man's brother, not his brother-in-law.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Though I am a servant, I am not your servant.
- Ursula K. Le Guin

I think that there is nothing, not even crime,
more opposed to poetry, to philosophy, ay, to life itself
than this incessant business.
- Henry David Thoreau

The faith that stands on authority is not faith.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Delusion: belief said to be false by someone who does not share it.
- Thomas Szasz


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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