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Funny Quotes about Life
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Funny Quotes about Pressure

I hear many people talk about their longing for a balanced life.
What I think they are really expressing
is a desire for a life with less pressure.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

It seems that we have it backward in our society.
We tend to look up to people
who are under a great deal of stress,
who can handle loads of stress,
and those who are under a great deal of pressure.
- Richard Carlson

When we hate our enemies, we are
giving them power over us:
power over our sleep, our appetites,
our blood pressure, our health, and our happiness.
Our enemies would dance with joy if only
they knew how they were worrying us,
lacerating us, and getting even with us!
Our hate is not hurting them at all,
but our hate is turning our own days
and nights into a hellish turmoil.
- Dale Carnegie

Pick up a stone that feels good to you
and is small enough to hold in one hand.
Consider how long that stone has been around
and what enormous pressure it has experienced.
Draw strength from its long history.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

A man does what he must - in spite of personal consequences,
in spite of obstacles and dangers and pressures -
and that is the basis of all human morality.
- John F. Kennedy

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
- W. C. Fields

A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle.
- Benjamin Franklin

Barf: I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!
- the movie Spaceballs (1987)

A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler

A man is a fool if he drinks before he reaches the age of 50,
and a fool if he doesn't afterward.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman -
before marriage and after marriage.
- Anonymous

You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle

One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash

Whenever I date a guy, I think,
"Is this the man I want my children
to spend their weekends with?"
- Rita Rudner

One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain

He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of.
- Mae West

Afraid? Me? A man who's licked
his weight in wild caterpillars?
Afraid? You bet I'm afraid!
- Groucho Marx

I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln

I am a man of fixed and unbending principles,
the first of which is to be flexible at all times.
- Everett Dirksen

Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx

You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland

Don't marry a man to reform him -
that's what reform schools are for.
- Mae West

Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West

A man likes his wife to be
just clever enough to appreciate his cleverness,
and just stupid enough to admire it.
- Israel Zangwill

It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous

Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous

Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy,
the first question I ask myself is:
is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
- Rita Rudner

Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde

No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous

A man is incomplete until he is married.
After that, he is finished.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein

An intellectual is a man
who takes more words than necessary
to tell more than he knows.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

Clothes make the man.
Naked people have little or no influence on society.
- Mark Twain

A benevolent man should allow a few faults in himself,
to keep his friends in countenance.
- Benjamin Franklin

When I hear a man preach,
I like to see him act as if he were fighting bees.
- Abraham Lincoln

The reason why the world lacks unity,
and lies broken and in heaps,
is, because man is disunited with himself.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything
and the value of nothing.
- Oscar Wilde

The power of man has grown in every sphere, except over himself.
- Winston Churchill

Man's nature is not essentially evil.
Brute nature has been known to
yield to the influence of love.
You must never despair of human nature.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Every man prefers belief to the exercise of judgment.
- Lucius Annaeus Seneca

Too often the strong, silent man is silent only because
he does not know what to say, and is reputed strong
only because he has remained silent.
- Winston Churchill

A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers,
looks around for a coffin.
- H. L. Mencken

A little girl at the wedding afterwards asked her mother
why the bride changed her mind.
What do you mean? responded her mother.
Well, she went down the aisle with one man,
and came back with another.
- Anonymous

Man tends to treat all of his opinions as principles.
- Herbert Sebastian Agar

The man of science is a poor philosopher.
- Albert Einstein

Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say,
abstains from giving us wordy evidence of the fact.
- George Eliot

I choose my friends for their good looks,
my acquaintances for their good characters,
and my enemies for their intellects.
A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
- Oscar Wilde

The civilized man has built a coach,
but has lost the use of his feet.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Two things a man should never be angry at:
what he can help,
and what he cannot help.
- Thomas Fuller

The man who says he is willing to meet you halfway
is usually a poor judge of distance.
- Laurence J. Peter

An excellent man;
he has no enemies;
and none of his friends like him.
- Oscar Wilde

We are born believing.
A man bears beliefs as a tree bears apples.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

A man is usually more careful of his money
than he is of his principles.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Beauty is the bait which with delight
allures man to enlarge his kind.
- Socrates

I don't advise a haircut, man.
All hairdressers are in the employment of the government.
Hairs are your aerials.
They pick up signals from the cosmos,
and transmit them directly into the brain.
This is the reason bald-headed men are uptight.
- the movie Withnail & I

If a man smiles all the time,
he's probably selling something that doesn't work.
- George Carlin

A conservative is a man who is
too cowardly to fight and too fat to run.
- Elbert Hubbard

The man who does not read good books
has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
- Mark Twain

Give the right man two fishes and some bread,
and he will feed the world;
give the wrong man two fishes and some bread
and he will invent the fast-food fish sandwich.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The savage in man is never quite eradicated.
- Henry David Thoreau

Show me a sane man, and I will cure him for you.
- Carl Jung

Adventure is not outside man; it is within.
- George Eliot

Books serve to show a man
that those original thoughts of his
aren't very new at all.
- Abraham Lincoln

Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
- Albert Schweitzer

The man who can smile when things go wrong
has thought of someone else he can blame it on.
- Robert Bloch

The way for a young man to rise is
to improve himself in every way he can,
never suspecting that anybody wishes to hinder him.
- Abraham Lincoln

Never give a sword to a man who can't dance.
- Confucius

Confused Memories of Childhood:
Hate to my father, cruel hate,
confused with love - a mix not great.
The man I love - the man I hate;
the man I want to emulate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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