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Funny Quotes about Life
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Funny Quotes about Possessions

If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need
but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him?
- 1 John 3:17

Wealth consists not in having great possessions,
but in having few wants.
- Epictetus

You give but little when you give of your possessions.
It is when you give of yourself that you truly give.
- Khalil Gibran

I am ME.
I am not my attachments.
I am not my possessions.
I am not the people in my life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Service which is rendered without joy
helps neither the servant nor the served.
But all other pleasures and possessions
pale into nothingness before service
which is rendered in a spirit of joy.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

The Four Stages of Public Opinion
I (Just after publication): The novelty is absurd
and subversive of Religion and Morality.
The propounder both fool and knave.
II (Twenty years later): The Novelty is absolute Truth
and will yield a full and satisfactory
explanation of things in general -
The propounder a man of sublime genius and perfect virtue.
III (Forty years later): The Novelty won't explain
things in general after all, and therefore is a wretched failure.
The propounder a very ordinary person advertised by a clique.
IV (A century later): The Novelty a mixture of truth and error.
Explains as much as could reasonably be expected.
The propounder worthy of all honor
in spite of his share of human frailties,
as one who has added to the permanent possessions of science.
- Thomas Henry [T. H.] Huxley

Possession isn't nine-tenths of the law.
It's nine-tenths of the problem.
- John Lennon

The possession of knowledge does not
kill the sense of wonder and mystery.
There is always more mystery.
- Anais Nin

Love does not claim possession, but gives freedom.
- Rabindranath Tagore

Riches do not exhilarate us so much with their possession
as they torment us with their loss.
- Epicurus

Every increased possession
loads us with a new weariness.
- John Ruskin

Who hears me, who understands me, becomes mine,
a possession for all time.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Gentleness, self-sacrifice and generosity
are the exclusive possession of no one race or religion.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Health is the greatest possession.
Contentment is the greatest treasure.
Confidence is the greatest friend.
Non-being is the greatest joy.
- Lao Tzu

The search for truth is more precious than its possession.
- Albert Einstein

Music is everybody's possession.
It's only publishers who think that people own it.
- John Lennon

Ninety-nine percent of who you are
is invisible and untouchable.
- R. Buckminster Fuller

Genius is one percent inspiration
and ninety-nine percent perspiration.
- Thomas Edison

I think and think for months and years.
Ninety-nine times, the conclusion is false.
The hundredth time I am right.
- Albert Einstein

Nine-tenths of the people were created
so you would want to be with the other tenth.
- Horace Walpole

A democracy is nothing more than mob rule,
where fifty-one percent of the people
may take away the rights of the other forty-nine.
- attributed to Thomas Jefferson

Ninety-nine percent of the failures
come from people who have the habit of making excuses.
- George Washington Carver

There are nine requisites for contented living:
HEALTH enough to make work a pleasure;
WEALTH enough to support your needs;
STRENGTH enough to battle with difficulties and forsake them;
GRACE enough to confess your sins and overcome them;
PATIENCE enough to toil until some good is accomplished;
CHARITY enough to see some good in your neighbor;
LOVE enough to move you to be useful and helpful to others;
FAITH enough to make real the things of God;
HOPE enough to remove all anxious fears concerning the future.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Life is ten percent what happens to you
and ninety percent how you respond to it.
- Lou Holtz

Life is like a ten speed bicycle.
Most of us have gears we never use.
- Charles M. Schulz

Life is like jumping out of an airplane without a parachute -
only the last couple seconds are fatal,
but most people are scared to death the whole way down.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Life ... full of loneliness, and misery,
and suffering, and unhappiness,
and it's all over much too quickly.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall

The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all
is the person who argues with him.
- Stanislaw Jerszy Lec

I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner

Life's like Vegas. You're up, you're down,
but in the end the house always wins.
Doesn't mean you didn't have fun.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

The trick is growing up without growing old.
- Casey Stengel

It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed)

Morality is simply the attitude we adopt
towards people whom we personally dislike.
- Oscar Wilde

One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill

The most difficult phase of life
is not when no one understands you,
it is when you don't understand yourself.
- Anonymous

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
- Oscar Wilde

The difference between school and life?
In school, you're taught a lesson and then given a test.
In life, you're given a test that teaches you a lesson.
- Tom Bodett

Life only
appears to be
rushing toward us
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Life is serious, get out your magic wand.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Old age is fifteen years older than I am.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

Life is defined more by its contrasts than its samenesses;
Life is defined more by its risks than the many securities.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Live life on the edge, not with an edge.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash

No matter how much cats fight,
there always seem to be plenty of kittens.
- Abraham Lincoln

You can't make an omelet without breaking eggs.
- Anonymous

Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.
- Mark Twain

In the book of life, the answers aren't in the back.
- Charles M. Schulz in his Peanuts cartoon

Life is a journey - enjoy the journey.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

If life is a trial, who is the judge and jury?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.
- John Lennon

Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born
at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.
- Mark Twain

To the young child, all life is a great adventure -
when did we grow so dull and brittle.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Life is always lived in the eye-of-the-storm
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Do you feel stuck?
Whether in a project, a job, a relationship,
or some other situation,
there is a time for perseverance,
and a time for letting go and moving on.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Stay Happy, never let anyone get your goat.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Life's burdens are lighter when I laugh at myself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

She generally gave herself very good advice,
(though she very seldom followed it).
- Lewis Carroll

Only a fool tests the depth of the water with both feet.
- African Proverb

The true meaning of life is to plant trees,
under whose shade you do not expect to sit.
- Nelson Henderson

You can observe a lot by just watching.
- Yogi Berra

Iron rusts from disuse;
water loses its purity from stagnation...
even so does inaction sap the vigor of the mind.
- Leonardo da Vinci

It is a truth universally acknowledged that
when one part of your life starts going okay,
another falls spectacularly to pieces.
- the movie Bridget Jones Diary

I don't believe in the after life,
although I am bringing a change of underwear.
- Woody Allen

Take time to play!
Ask for what you want.
Laugh.
Live loudly.
Be avid.
Learn a new thing.
Be Yourself!
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Any idiot can face a crisis.
It's the day-to-day living that wears you out.
- Anton Chekhov

Time, like life itself, has no inherent meaning.
We give our own meaning to time as to life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Today is your day to laugh at life,
laugh at what's funny - laugh at what's sad,
laugh loud - laugh often,
laugh at me - laugh at you - laugh at life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Man is a credulous animal, and must believe something;
in the absence of good grounds for belief,
he will be satisfied with bad ones.
- Bertrand Russell

The most powerful force in the universe is: gossip.
- Dave Barry

I love and treasure individuals as I meet them;
I loathe and despise the groups
they identify with and belong to.
- George Carlin

All people know the same truth.
Our lives consist of how we chose to distort it.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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