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Funny Quotes about Life
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Funny Quotes about Not

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand

Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer PHOTO

If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999) PHOTO

It's not the size of the dog in the fight,
it's the size of the fight in the dog.
- Mark Twain

"It's not that important,
don't worry about it" is the answer,
now what was the question?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Live life on the edge, not with an edge.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous

I'm not used to feeling so human.
Is it always like this?
- Edward, from Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer

When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain

It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel

DON'T get officious.
You're not yourself when you're officious -
That is the curse of a government job.
- the movie Harold and Maude (1971)

Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed.
But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops.
Uh, depending on the breaks.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove

Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek

It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous

I'm not talking about lust.
A woman in lust wants chocolate.
A woman in love wants diamonds.
- the movie How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days

The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire

Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West

Yeah I called her up. She gave me a bunch of ...
about me not listening to her, or something.
I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.
- the movie Dumb & Dumber (1994)

One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill

Two things are infinite:
the universe and human stupidity;
and I'm not sure about the universe.
- Albert Einstein

The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death

Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.
- Will Rogers

In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland

Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
- Albert Einstein

Marriage is a fine institution -
but I'm not ready for an institution yet.
- Mae West

Personally, I'm always ready to learn,
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill

I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln

I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
- Anonymous

Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again.
- Robert A. Heinlein

If at first you don't succeed,
skydiving is not for you.
- Anonymous

Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
- Albert Einstein

The trouble with the world is not
that people know too little,
but that they know so many things that ain't so.
- Mark Twain

I once had a rose named after me
and I was very flattered.
But I was not pleased to read
the description in the catalogue:
no good in a bed, but fine up against a wall.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

It's not a mess.
It's a physical manifestation of
a wonderfully complex ability to
assess and compartmentalize information.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Science is a wonderful thing
if one does not have to earn one's living at it.
- Albert Einstein

If you can not answer a man's argument,
all is not lost; you can still call him vile names.
- Elbert Hubbard

The objection to Puritans is not that
they try to make us think as they do,
but that they try to make us do as they think.
- H. L. Mencken

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us.
- Marianne Williamson

Only two things are infinite,
the universe and human stupidity,
and I'm not sure about the former.
- Albert Einstein

We are finally driven to monogamy
not by morality but by exhaustion.
- Erica Jong

As far as the laws of mathematics
refer to reality, they are not certain,
and as far as they are certain,
they do not refer to reality.
- Albert Einstein

The only advantage of not being too good a housekeeper
is that your guests are so pleased
to feel how very much better they are.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

The rich are not born skeptical or cynical.
They are made that way by events, circumstances.
- Paul Getty

Delusion: belief said to be false by someone who does not share it.
- Thomas Szasz

Do not use a hatchet to remove
a fly from your friend's forehead.
- Chinese Proverb

Too often the strong, silent man is silent only because
he does not know what to say, and is reputed strong
only because he has remained silent.
- Winston Churchill

Silence is not always a Sign of Wisdom,
but Babbling is ever a folly.
- Benjamin Franklin

Do not take life too seriously.
You will never get out of it alive.
- Elbert Hubbard

Do not laugh much or often or unrestrainedly.
- Epictetus

It's not clutter, it's my unique filing system.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Time you enjoy wasting, was not wasted.
- John Lennon

I do not fear death.
I had been dead for billions and billions
of years before I was born,
and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.
- Mark Twain

Though I am a servant, I am not your servant.
- Ursula K. Le Guin

Belief is not the beginning but the end of all knowledge.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

One minute you're in the lunchroom at Glenwood High
and you ... blink and you're 40,
you blink again and you can see movies
at half price on a senior citizen's pass.
Ask not for whom the bell tolls, or to put it more accurately,
ask not for whom the toilet flushes.
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity

For centuries, theologians have been explaining
the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
- H. L. Mencken

One does not discover new lands without consenting
to lose sight of the shore for a very long time.
- Andre Gide

My advice to you is get married:
if you find a good wife you'll be happy;
if not, you'll become a philosopher.
- Socrates

What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?
- Ursula K. Le Guin

If you ask me anything I don't know,
I'm not going to answer.
- Yogi Berra

Normal is not something to aspire to,
it's something to get away from.
- Jodie Foster

Do not speak to me of rules.
This is war! This is not a game of cricket!
- from the movie The Bridge On The River Kwai

Contrary to general belief,
I do not believe that friends are necessarily
the people you like best,
they are merely the people who got there first.
- Peter Ustinov

Am I not destroying my enemies
when I make friends of them?
- Abraham Lincoln

The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet
and steady and loyal and enduring a nature
that it will last through a whole lifetime,
if not asked to lend money.
- Mark Twain

I'm sure we all agree that we ought to love one another
and I know there are people in the world
that do not love their fellow human beings
and I HATE people like that.
- Tom Lehrer

People who say it cannot be done should not
interrupt those who are doing it.
- George Bernard Shaw

The faith that stands on authority is not faith.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

The man who does not read good books
has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
- Mark Twain

Although personally I am quite content with existing explosives,
I feel we must not stand in the path of improvement.
- Winston Churchill


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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