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Funny Quotes about Life
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Funny Quotes about Movies

One minute you're in the lunchroom at Glenwood High
and you ... blink and you're 40,
you blink again and you can see movies
at half price on a senior citizen's pass.
Ask not for whom the bell tolls, or to put it more accurately,
ask not for whom the toilet flushes.
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity

Humans make illogical decisions.
- Spock (character in Star Trek movies and TV shows)

It is a mark of soulfulness to be present in the here and now.
When we are present, we are not fabricating inner movies.
We are seeing what is before us.
- John Bradshaw

What exactly is the function of a rubber duck?
- the movie Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (2002)

Sucking the marrow out of life
doesn't mean choking on the bone.
- Robin Williams as John Keating
in the 1989 movie Dead Poets Society

Life ... full of loneliness, and misery,
and suffering, and unhappiness,
and it's all over much too quickly.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall

If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)

Thank you, gentlemen. Someday I will repay you,
unless of course I can't find you, or if I forget.
- the movie Shrek 2

I don't care whose fault this was, just get it sorted!
And could someone please bring me something deep fat fried
and smothered in chocolate.
- the movie Shrek 2

Still, things could be a lot worse.
Oh, that's right... I'm falling to my death. Guess they can't.
- the movie Megamind (2010)

If he's first class, I'm traveling steerage.
- the movie Libeled Lady (1936)

I've always believed that if done properly,
armed robbery doesn't have to be an unpleasant experience.
- the movie Thelma & Louise

I didn't make it all the way through third grade for nothing.
- the movie The Rescuers Down Under

Don't threaten me with a dead fish.
- the movie Withnail & I (1987)

Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.
- the movie Arsenic and Old Lace (1944)

What we've got here is failure to communicate.
- the movie Cool Hand Luke

The seaweed is always greener in somebody else's lake.
- the movie The Little Mermaid (1989)

You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly,
but I bet you ain't never seen a DONKEY fly!
- the movie Shrek (2001)

It is a truth universally acknowledged that
when one part of your life starts going okay,
another falls spectacularly to pieces.
- the movie Bridget Jones Diary

When I first saw you, I thought you were handsome.
Then, of course, you spoke.
- the movie As Good As It Gets (1997)

Stay hopeless and confused. Keep polishing those skills.
- the movie When a Man Loves a Woman (1994)

Fear of death ... That's funny. I have that too.
My dog has it. It's very common with living creatures.
- the movie Anything Else (2003)

I'm awash in self-contempt!
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity

Go ahead, make my day.
- the movie Sudden Impact (1983)

The food at this place is really terrible ...
and such small portions.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall

Don't expect me to get excited over
another damn thing we need to find.
- Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1 (2010)

I'd like to kiss ya, but I just washed ma hair.
- the movie The Cabin in the Cotton

After fifteen minutes I wanted to marry her,
and after half an hour
I completely gave up the idea of stealing her purse.
- the movie Take the Money and Run (1969)

You're already a bastard.
Might as well be an enlightened one.
- the movie Simon Birch

Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove (1964)

You have to learn to push the guilt
under the rug and move on,
otherwise it overwhelms you.
- the Woody Allen movie Match Point

Hey, Marge. Isn't it great being married
to someone who's recklessly impulsive?
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)

The world's mental.
- the movie Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

The time-traveling is just too dangerous.
Better that I devote myself to study
the other great mystery of the universe - women!
- the movie Back to the Future II

I've become the person I've always hated, but I'm happier.
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity

Where did you park the invisible car?
- the movie Megamind (2010)

To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories

Are we there yet? are we there yet? are we there yet?
- said by Donkey in the movie Shrek 2

I have a very low threshold of death.
My doctor says I can't have bullets enter my body at any time.
- the Woody Allen movie Casino Royale

Fasten your safety belts, clench your buttocks!
It's going be a bumpy ride!
- the movie Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (2004)

You know, it takes two to get one in trouble.
- the movie She Done Him Wrong (1933)

Oh, come on, Shrek, wake up and smell the pheromones!
- the movie Shrek (2001)

Crazy is walking down the street
with half a cantaloupe on your head,
muttering; "I'm a hamster, I'm a hamster."
- the movie Spy Hard (1996)

I have no fear of the gallows ... They're going to shoot me.
- the movie Love and Death

It happens - Sometimes.
- the movie Forrest Gump

I think you're the opposite of a paranoid.
I think you go around with the insane delusion that people like you.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel

My plan was to kiss her with every lip on my face.
- the movie Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid

Frankly, I'm too scared to ask about the frog.
- the movie Tangled (2010)

DON'T get officious.
You're not yourself when you're officious -
That is the curse of a government job.
- the movie Harold and Maude (1971)

It's cookies, he smells like cookies,
and the smell gets stronger when he's in heat.
- the movie Michael

EVERYONE has the right to make an ass out of themselves.
- Harold and Maude (The movie )

There's a couple of things they don't teach you
in Harvard Business School,
one is how to cope with defeat,
the other is how to handle a shotgun.
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)

It looks like we're up chocolate creek without a Popsicle stick!
- the movie Shrek 2 (2004)

I read that you should never go out with someone
if you can think of three reasons why you shouldn't.
- the movie Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason (2004)

Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed.
But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops.
Uh, depending on the breaks.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove

Husbands should be like Kleenex:
soft, strong, and disposable.
- the movie Clue (1985)

Greetings, cosmic children of the universe.
Welcome to my serenity circle.
Please leave all bad vibes outside the healing vortex.
- the movie Shrek the Third (2007)

Now, if you don't mind, I'd appreciate it if you could lower your wand.
- the movie Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death

There's nothing wrong with being afraid.
We were meant to be afraid.
- the Woody Allen movie Anything Else

You want to do mankind a real service?
Tell funnier jokes.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories (1980)

I have faith. I just need proof to back it up.
- the movie Simon Birch

Yeah I called her up. She gave me a bunch of ...
about me not listening to her, or something.
I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.
- the movie Dumb & Dumber (1994)

Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.
- the movie National Lampoon's Animal House (1978)

I feel the need to express something,
but I don't know what it is I want to express.
- the movie Interiors

Clear? Huh. Why a four-year-old child
could understand this report.
Run out and find me a four-year-old child,
I can't make head or tail of it.
- the Groucho Marx movie Duck Soup

The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

This is an occasion for genuinely tiny knickers.
- the movie Bridget Jones Diary (2001)

I can't stand a naked light bulb.
- the movie A Streetcar Named Desire

Oh, Shrek. Don't worry.
Things just seem bad because it's dark and rainy
and Fiona's father hired a sleazy hitman to whack you.
- the movie Shrek 2


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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