
One minute you're in the lunchroom at Glenwood High
and you ... blink and you're 40,
you blink again and you can see movies
at half price on a senior citizen's pass.
Ask not for whom the bell tolls, or to put it more accurately,
ask not for whom the toilet flushes.
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity
Humans make illogical decisions.
- Spock (character in Star Trek movies and TV shows)
It is a mark of soulfulness to be present in the here and now.
When we are present, we are not fabricating inner movies.
We are seeing what is before us.
- John Bradshaw
What exactly is the function of a rubber duck?
- the movie Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (2002)
Sucking the marrow out of life
doesn't mean choking on the bone.
- Robin Williams as John Keating
in the 1989 movie Dead Poets Society
Life ... full of loneliness, and misery,
and suffering, and unhappiness,
and it's all over much too quickly.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall
If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)
Thank you, gentlemen. Someday I will repay you,
unless of course I can't find you, or if I forget.
- the movie Shrek 2
I don't care whose fault this was, just get it sorted!
And could someone please bring me something deep fat fried
and smothered in chocolate.
- the movie Shrek 2
Still, things could be a lot worse.
Oh, that's right... I'm falling to my death. Guess they can't.
- the movie Megamind (2010)
If he's first class, I'm traveling steerage.
- the movie Libeled Lady (1936)
I've always believed that if done properly,
armed robbery doesn't have to be an unpleasant experience.
- the movie Thelma & Louise
I didn't make it all the way through third grade for nothing.
- the movie The Rescuers Down Under
Don't threaten me with a dead fish.
- the movie Withnail & I (1987)
Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.
- the movie Arsenic and Old Lace (1944)
What we've got here is failure to communicate.
- the movie Cool Hand Luke
The seaweed is always greener in somebody else's lake.
- the movie The Little Mermaid (1989)
You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly,
but I bet you ain't never seen a DONKEY fly!
- the movie Shrek (2001)
It is a truth universally acknowledged that
when one part of your life starts going okay,
another falls spectacularly to pieces.
- the movie Bridget Jones Diary
When I first saw you, I thought you were handsome.
Then, of course, you spoke.
- the movie As Good As It Gets (1997)
Stay hopeless and confused. Keep polishing those skills.
- the movie When a Man Loves a Woman (1994)
Fear of death ... That's funny. I have that too.
My dog has it. It's very common with living creatures.
- the movie Anything Else (2003)
I'm awash in self-contempt!
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity
Go ahead, make my day.
- the movie Sudden Impact (1983)
The food at this place is really terrible ...
and such small portions.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall
Don't expect me to get excited over
another damn thing we need to find.
- Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1 (2010)
I'd like to kiss ya, but I just washed ma hair.
- the movie The Cabin in the Cotton
After fifteen minutes I wanted to marry her,
and after half an hour
I completely gave up the idea of stealing her purse.
- the movie Take the Money and Run (1969)
You're already a bastard.
Might as well be an enlightened one.
- the movie Simon Birch
Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove (1964)
You have to learn to push the guilt
under the rug and move on,
otherwise it overwhelms you.
- the Woody Allen movie Match Point
Hey, Marge. Isn't it great being married
to someone who's recklessly impulsive?
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)
The world's mental.
- the movie Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
The time-traveling is just too dangerous.
Better that I devote myself to study
the other great mystery of the universe - women!
- the movie Back to the Future II
I've become the person I've always hated, but I'm happier.
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity
Where did you park the invisible car?
- the movie Megamind (2010)
To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories
Are we there yet? are we there yet? are we there yet?
- said by Donkey in the movie Shrek 2
I have a very low threshold of death.
My doctor says I can't have bullets enter my body at any time.
- the Woody Allen movie Casino Royale
Fasten your safety belts, clench your buttocks!
It's going be a bumpy ride!
- the movie Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (2004)
You know, it takes two to get one in trouble.
- the movie She Done Him Wrong (1933)
Oh, come on, Shrek, wake up and smell the pheromones!
- the movie Shrek (2001)
Crazy is walking down the street
with half a cantaloupe on your head,
muttering; "I'm a hamster, I'm a hamster."
- the movie Spy Hard (1996)
I have no fear of the gallows ... They're going to shoot me.
- the movie Love and Death
It happens - Sometimes.
- the movie Forrest Gump
I think you're the opposite of a paranoid.
I think you go around with the insane delusion that people like you.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel
My plan was to kiss her with every lip on my face.
- the movie Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid
Frankly, I'm too scared to ask about the frog.
- the movie Tangled (2010)
DON'T get officious.
You're not yourself when you're officious -
That is the curse of a government job.
- the movie Harold and Maude (1971)
It's cookies, he smells like cookies,
and the smell gets stronger when he's in heat.
- the movie Michael
EVERYONE has the right to make an ass out of themselves.
- Harold and Maude (The movie )
There's a couple of things they don't teach you
in Harvard Business School,
one is how to cope with defeat,
the other is how to handle a shotgun.
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)
It looks like we're up chocolate creek without a Popsicle stick!
- the movie Shrek 2 (2004)
I read that you should never go out with someone
if you can think of three reasons why you shouldn't.
- the movie Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason (2004)
Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed.
But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops.
Uh, depending on the breaks.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove
Husbands should be like Kleenex:
soft, strong, and disposable.
- the movie Clue (1985)
Greetings, cosmic children of the universe.
Welcome to my serenity circle.
Please leave all bad vibes outside the healing vortex.
- the movie Shrek the Third (2007)
Now, if you don't mind, I'd appreciate it if you could lower your wand.
- the movie Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death
There's nothing wrong with being afraid.
We were meant to be afraid.
- the Woody Allen movie Anything Else
You want to do mankind a real service?
Tell funnier jokes.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories (1980)
I have faith. I just need proof to back it up.
- the movie Simon Birch
Yeah I called her up. She gave me a bunch of ...
about me not listening to her, or something.
I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.
- the movie Dumb & Dumber (1994)
Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.
- the movie National Lampoon's Animal House (1978)
I feel the need to express something,
but I don't know what it is I want to express.
- the movie Interiors
Clear? Huh. Why a four-year-old child
could understand this report.
Run out and find me a four-year-old child,
I can't make head or tail of it.
- the Groucho Marx movie Duck Soup
The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
This is an occasion for genuinely tiny knickers.
- the movie Bridget Jones Diary (2001)
I can't stand a naked light bulb.
- the movie A Streetcar Named Desire
Oh, Shrek. Don't worry.
Things just seem bad because it's dark and rainy
and Fiona's father hired a sleazy hitman to whack you.
- the movie Shrek 2
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.