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Funny Quotes about Male

Many societies have educated their male children
on the simple device of teaching them not to be women.
- Margaret Mead

You shall not covet your neighbor's house;
you shall not covet your neighbor's wife,
nor his male servant, nor his female servant,
nor his ox, nor his donkey, nor anything that is your neighbor's.
- Exodus 20:17

Never ascribe to malice that which is
adequately explained by incompetence.
- Napoleon

The truth is incontrovertible,
malice may attack it, ignorance may deride it,
but in the end; there it is.
- Winston Churchill

With Malice toward none, with charity for all,
with firmness in the right,
as God gives us to see the right,
let us strive on to finish the work we are in,
to bind up the nation's wounds.
- Abraham Lincoln

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
- W. C. Fields

A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle.
- Benjamin Franklin

You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous

He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of.
- Mae West

Afraid? Me? A man who's licked
his weight in wild caterpillars?
Afraid? You bet I'm afraid!
- Groucho Marx

Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West

A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler

One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein

One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain

Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle

A man likes his wife to be
just clever enough to appreciate his cleverness,
and just stupid enough to admire it.
- Israel Zangwill

Whenever I date a guy, I think,
"Is this the man I want my children
to spend their weekends with?"
- Rita Rudner

I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln

It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous

Barf: I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!
- the movie Spaceballs (1987)

One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash

In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland

There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman -
before marriage and after marriage.
- Anonymous

Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde

No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx

I am a man of fixed and unbending principles,
the first of which is to be flexible at all times.
- Everett Dirksen

Don't marry a man to reform him -
that's what reform schools are for.
- Mae West

A man is a fool if he drinks before he reaches the age of 50,
and a fool if he doesn't afterward.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy,
the first question I ask myself is:
is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
- Rita Rudner

A man is incomplete until he is married.
After that, he is finished.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

A benevolent man should allow a few faults in himself,
to keep his friends in countenance.
- Benjamin Franklin

Never stir up litigation.
A worse man can scarcely be found than one who does this.
- Abraham Lincoln

I would never want to be a member of a group
whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
- George Carlin

A little girl at the wedding afterwards asked her mother
why the bride changed her mind.
What do you mean? responded her mother.
Well, she went down the aisle with one man,
and came back with another.
- Anonymous

Never give a sword to a man who can't dance.
- Confucius

An excellent man;
he has no enemies;
and none of his friends like him.
- Oscar Wilde

I will far rather see the race of man extinct
than that we should become less than beasts
by making the noblest of God's creation,
woman, the object of our lust.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Morality which depends upon the helplessness
of a man or woman has not much to recommend it.
Morality is rooted in the purity of our hearts.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

I would rather trust a woman's instinct than a man's reason.
- Stanley Baldwin

A man can't be too careful in the choice of enemies.
- Oscar Wilde

Every man prefers belief to the exercise of judgment.
- Lucius Annaeus Seneca

The man who says he is willing to meet you halfway
is usually a poor judge of distance.
- Laurence J. Peter

A conservative is a man who is
too cowardly to fight and too fat to run.
- Elbert Hubbard

We are born believing.
A man bears beliefs as a tree bears apples.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Man can hardly even recognize the devils of his own creation.
- Albert Schweitzer

You can always tell when a man's well informed.
His views are pretty much like your own.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

Man will occasionally stumble over the truth,
but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on.
- Winston Churchill

Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say,
abstains from giving us wordy evidence of the fact.
- George Eliot

I want to be the white man's brother, not his brother-in-law.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Every man thinks God is on his side.
- Jean Anouilh

God must love the common man, he made so many of them.
- Abraham Lincoln

I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man,
and I hate people like that!
- Tom Lehrer

A clever man commits no minor blunders.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

You know your god is man-made when he
hates all the same people you do.
- Anonymous

Man tends to treat all of his opinions as principles.
- Herbert Sebastian Agar

Beauty is the bait which with delight
allures man to enlarge his kind.
- Socrates

If it keeps up, man will atrophy
all his limbs but the push-button finger.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

If I knew for a certainty that a man was coming to my house
with the conscious design of doing me good,
I should run for my life.
- Henry David Thoreau

Books serve to show a man
that those original thoughts of his
aren't very new at all.
- Abraham Lincoln

It appears to be a law that you cannot have
a deep sympathy with both man and nature.
- Henry David Thoreau

Man is a credulous animal, and must believe something;
in the absence of good grounds for belief,
he will be satisfied with bad ones.
- Bertrand Russell

Man's nature is not essentially evil.
Brute nature has been known to
yield to the influence of love.
You must never despair of human nature.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

The man of science is a poor philosopher.
- Albert Einstein

The way for a young man to rise is
to improve himself in every way he can,
never suspecting that anybody wishes to hinder him.
- Abraham Lincoln

Give the right man two fishes and some bread,
and he will feed the world;
give the wrong man two fishes and some bread
and he will invent the fast-food fish sandwich.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

When I hear a man preach,
I like to see him act as if he were fighting bees.
- Abraham Lincoln

Stay hopeless and confused. Keep polishing those skills.
- the movie When a Man Loves a Woman (1994)


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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