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Funny Quotes about Life
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Funny Quotes about Libel

Too many of us look upon Americans as dollar chasers.
This is a cruel libel, even if it is reiterated
thoughtlessly by the Americans themselves.
- Albert Einstein

If he's first class, I'm traveling steerage.
- the movie Libeled Lady (1936)

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living;
the world owes you nothing; it was here first.
- Mark Twain PHOTO

The first sigh of love is the last breath of wisdom.
- Anonymous

Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy,
the first question I ask myself is:
is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
- Rita Rudner

When I eventually met Mr. Right
I had no idea that his first name was Always.
- Rita Rudner

If at first you don't succeed,
skydiving is not for you.
- Anonymous

Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde

When I first saw you, I thought you were handsome.
Then, of course, you spoke.
- the movie As Good As It Gets (1997)

I am a man of fixed and unbending principles,
the first of which is to be flexible at all times.
- Everett Dirksen

Contrary to general belief,
I do not believe that friends are necessarily
the people you like best,
they are merely the people who got there first.
- Peter Ustinov

Those who have free seats at a play hiss first.
- Chinese Proverb

Life is uncertain; always eat dessert first.
- Anonymous

I don't know which will go first - rock 'n' roll or Christianity.
- John Lennon

Get the facts first.
You can distort them later.
- Mark Twain

We're more popular than Jesus now;
I don't know which will go first, rock 'n' roll or Christianity.
- John Lennon

The physician can bury his mistakes,
but the architect can only advise his client to plant vines -
so they should go as far as possible from home
to build their first buildings.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

Getting fired is nature's way to telling you
that you had the wrong job in the first place.
- Hal Lancaster

There are four stages in a marriage.
First there's the affair,
then the marriage,
then children
and finally the fourth stage,
without which you cannot know a woman, the divorce.
- Norman Mailer

One's first love is always perfect
until one meets one's second love.
- Elizabeth Aston

Many a man owes his success to his first wife
and his second wife to his success.
- Jim Backus

After the first blush of sin, comes its indifference.
- Henry David Thoreau

Smile first thing in the morning. Get it over with.
- W. C. Fields

The only true love is love at first sight;
second sight dispels it.
- Israel Zangwill

There are two kinds of people,
those who do the work,
and those who take the credit.
Try to be in the first group;
there is less competition there.
- Indira Gandhi

If at first you don't succeed,
try, try, and try again.
Then give up.
There's no use being a damned fool about it.
- W. C. Fields

Today is the first day of the rest of your life.
- Anonymous

To climb steep hills requires a slow pace at first.
- William Shakespeare

Christianity will go. It will vanish and shrink.
I needn't argue with that; I'm right and I will be proved right.
We're more popular than Jesus now;
I don't know which will go first - rock and roll or Christianity.
- John Lennon

Faith is taking the first step,
even when you don't see the whole staircase.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Tolerance is the first principle of community;
it is the spirit which conserves
the best that all men think.
- Helen Keller

Always be a first-rate version of yourself,
instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.
- Judy Garland

All things at first appear difficult.
- Chinese proverb

Apathy, indifference, not caring...
It may sound insensitive for me to say, "I don't care,"
but ask first to what I am indifferent.
I choose to be caring, compassionate
and kind toward all people,
and I also choose to be indifferent to gossip,
petty complaints, and idle chatter.
About those, I just don't care.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

When we step on the battlefield, I will be
The First Boots On and the Last Boots Off.
- LtG. Hal Moore

Belief is a virus, and once it gets into you,
its first order of business is to preserve itself,
and the way it preserves itself
is to keep you from having any doubts,
and the way it keeps you from doubting
is to blind you to the way things really are.
- Philip Caputo

Seek first to understand,
then to be understood.
- Stephen Covey

During the first period of a man's life
the greatest danger is not to take the risk.
- Soren Kierkegaard

Okay, here's your first lesson: how to take a FALL!
- the movie Karate Kid

First they ignore you, then they laugh at you,
then they fight you, then you win.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Experience is a hard teacher.
She gives the test first
and the lessons afterwards.
- Anonymous

Give thanks for the rainbows, for the butterflies,
for all God's creatures - large and small,
for the bright blue sky and the soft fog and the gentle rain,
for the tree veiled in the season's first frost,
for the baby's laugh, for the touch of a hand
and the whispered "I love you."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The first quality that is needed is audacity.
- Winston Churchill

Lovers who have been left, lose confidence and become afraid.
They learn to leave relationships first.
The broken hearted become the heart breakers.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Take a deep breath and do the difficult thing first.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

BERLIN: PROCLAMATION TO THE GERMAN NATION FEBRUARY 1, 1933
The National Government will regard it as its first and foremost duty
to revive in the nation the spirit of unity and co-operation.
It will preserve and defend those basic principles
on which our nation has been built.
It regards Christianity as the foundation of our national morality,
and the family as the basis of national life....
- Adolf Hitler

Today is the first and last day of forever.
- Edward, from Twilight saga by Stephenie Meyer

Every really new idea looks crazy at first.
- Alfred North Whitehead

The first step towards the solution
of any problem is optimism.
- John Baines

Courage is rightly esteemed the first of human qualities...
because it is the quality which guarantees all others.
- Winston Churchill

If there is anything that we wish to change in the child,
we should first examine it and see whether it is
not something that could better be changed in ourselves.
- Carl Jung

Self-confidence is the first requisite to great undertakings.
- Samuel Johnson

Do first things first, and second things not at all.
- Peter F. Drucker

Habits are cobwebs at first, cables at last.
- Chinese proverb

You have a row of dominoes set up;
you knock over the first one,
and what will happen to the last one
is that it will go over very quickly.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

If we could first know where we are,
and whither we are tending,
we could then better judge what to do,
and how to do it.
- Abraham Lincoln

Life ... is like a parachute jump:
you have to get it right the first time.
- Margaret Mead

A little simplification would be
the first step toward rational living.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

A leader is not one who says, "Follow me."
A leader is one who says, "I'll go first."
- Neale Donald Walsch

Whatever America hopes to bring to pass in the world
must first come to pass in the heart of America.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

The first principle is that you must not fool yourself -
and you are the easiest person to fool.
- Richard Feynman

My reaction to porno films is as follows; After the first ten minutes,
I want to go home and screw; After the first twenty minutes,
I never want to screw again as long as I live
- Erica Jong

In order to succeed, you must first be willing to fail.
- Anonymous

First learn the meaning of what you say, and then speak.
- Epictetus

Let him that would move the world first move himself.
- Socrates

Put on your own oxygen mask first.
- Airline companies

We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all of our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time
- T. S. Eliot

You grow up the day you have
your first real laugh - at yourself.
- Ethel Barrymore

For the very first time the young are
seeing history being made
before it is censored by their elders.
- Margaret Mead

The awareness that health is dependent
upon habits that we control
makes us the first generation in history
that to a large extent determines its own destiny.
- Jimmy Carter

There are two things to aim at in life:
first, to get what you want,
and after that to to enjoy it.
- Logan Pearsall Smith


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.