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Funny Quotes about Life
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Funny Quotes about Kissing

There are two things that are more difficult
than making an after-dinner speech:
climbing a wall which is leaning toward you
and kissing a girl who is leaning away from you.
- Winston Churchill

Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl
is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.
- Albert Einstein

My plan was to kiss her with every lip on my face.
- the movie Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid

I'd like to kiss ya, but I just washed ma hair.
- the movie The Cabin in the Cotton

Life is short,
Break the Rules.
Forgive quickly,
Kiss SLOWLY.
Love truly.
Laugh uncontrollably
And never regret
ANYTHING
That makes you smile
- Mark Twain

Love begins with a smile,
grows with a kiss,
and ends with a teardrop.
- Anonymous

This is my wish for you:
Comfort on difficult days,
Smiles when sadness intrudes,
Rainbows to follow the clouds,
Laughter to kiss your lips,
Sunsets to warm your heart,
Hugs when spirits sag,
Beauty for your eyes to see,
Friendships to brighten your being,
Faith so that you can believe,
Confidence for when you doubt,
Courage to know yourself,
Patience to accept the truth,
Love to complete your life.
- Anonymous

Today, like every other day, we wake up empty
and frightened. Don't open the door to the study
and begin reading. Take down a musical instrument.
Let the beauty we love be what we do.
There are hundreds of ways to kneel and kiss the ground.
- Rumi (Persian poet 1207-1273)

Gather yourself by the sea shore and I will love you there.
Assemble yourself with wild things,
with songs of the sparrow and sea-foam.
Let mad beauty collect itself in your eyes
and it will shine - Calling me.
For I long for a man with nests of wild things in his hair.
A man who will Kiss the Flame.
- Jewel

Rock 'n' roll is ridiculous. It's absurd.
In the past, U2 was trying to duck that.
Now we're wrapping our arms around it and giving it a great big kiss.
- Bono

Accept everything about yourself - I mean everything.
You are you and that is the beginning and the end -
no apologies, no regrets.
- Henry Kissinger

A wise girl kisses but doesn't love,
listens but doesn't believe,
and leaves before she is left.
- Marilyn Monroe

For it was not into my ear you whispered,
but into my heart.
It was not my lips you kissed,
but my soul.
- Judy Garland

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand

If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)

It's not the size of the dog in the fight,
it's the size of the fight in the dog.
- Mark Twain

Live life on the edge, not with an edge.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer

"It's not that important,
don't worry about it" is the answer,
now what was the question?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

DON'T get officious.
You're not yourself when you're officious -
That is the curse of a government job.
- the movie Harold and Maude (1971)

Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
- Albert Einstein

Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West

No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous

In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland

I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
- Anonymous

It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous

When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain

Personally, I'm always ready to learn,
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill

The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death

I'm not used to feeling so human.
Is it always like this?
- Edward, from Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer

Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire

If at first you don't succeed,
skydiving is not for you.
- Anonymous

I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln

I'm not talking about lust.
A woman in lust wants chocolate.
A woman in love wants diamonds.
- the movie How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days

Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
- Albert Einstein

Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed.
But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops.
Uh, depending on the breaks.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove

Two things are infinite:
the universe and human stupidity;
and I'm not sure about the universe.
- Albert Einstein

One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill

Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again.
- Robert A. Heinlein

Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.
- Will Rogers

Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek

It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel

Marriage is a fine institution -
but I'm not ready for an institution yet.
- Mae West

Yeah I called her up. She gave me a bunch of ...
about me not listening to her, or something.
I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.
- the movie Dumb & Dumber (1994)

Too often the strong, silent man is silent only because
he does not know what to say, and is reputed strong
only because he has remained silent.
- Winston Churchill

The objection to Puritans is not that
they try to make us think as they do,
but that they try to make us do as they think.
- H. L. Mencken

The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet
and steady and loyal and enduring a nature
that it will last through a whole lifetime,
if not asked to lend money.
- Mark Twain

Science is a wonderful thing
if one does not have to earn one's living at it.
- Albert Einstein

Contrary to general belief,
I do not believe that friends are necessarily
the people you like best,
they are merely the people who got there first.
- Peter Ustinov

The only advantage of not being too good a housekeeper
is that your guests are so pleased
to feel how very much better they are.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

When I want to be bold about my movement ...
I for sure do not call it exercise!
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Only two things are infinite,
the universe and human stupidity,
and I'm not sure about the former.
- Albert Einstein

Time you enjoy wasting, was not wasted.
- John Lennon

The mind is not a vessel to be filled
but a fire to be kindled.
- Plutarch

The function of muscle is to pull and not to push,
except in the case of the genitals and the tongue.
- Leonardo da Vinci

I think that there is nothing, not even crime,
more opposed to poetry, to philosophy, ay, to life itself
than this incessant business.
- Henry David Thoreau

The man who does not read good books
has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
- Mark Twain

Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth
until the hour of separation.
- Khalil Gibran

Confused Memories of Childhood:
Hate to my father, cruel hate,
confused with love - a mix not great.
The man I love - the man I hate;
the man I want to emulate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I am always ready to learn
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill

Silence is not always a Sign of Wisdom,
but Babbling is ever a folly.
- Benjamin Franklin

The faith that stands on authority is not faith.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

The person who says it cannot be done
should not interrupt the person who is doing it.
- Chinese proverb

I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man,
and I hate people like that!
- Tom Lehrer

Do not use a hatchet to remove
a fly from your friend's forehead.
- Chinese Proverb

I do not believe that civilization will be wiped out
in a war fought with the atomic bomb.
Perhaps two-thirds of the people of the earth will be killed.
- Albert Einstein

Though I am a servant, I am not your servant.
- Ursula K. Le Guin

Man's nature is not essentially evil.
Brute nature has been known to
yield to the influence of love.
You must never despair of human nature.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

The wine of youth does not always
clear with advancing years;
sometimes it grows turbid.
- Carl Jung

Am I not destroying my enemies
when I make friends of them?
- Abraham Lincoln


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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