Funny Quotes about Jesus

Christianity will go. It will vanish and shrink.
I needn't argue with that; I'm right and I will be proved right.
We're more popular than Jesus now;
I don't know which will go first - rock and roll or Christianity.
- John Lennon

(Jesus on Love)
You have heard that it was said,
"Love your neighbor and hate your enemy."
But I tell you: Love your enemies
and pray for those who persecute you.
- Matthew 5:43-44

"Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?"
Jesus replied:
"'Love the Lord your God with all your heart
and with all your soul and with all your mind.'
This is the first and greatest commandment.
And the second is like it:
'Love your neighbor as yourself.'
All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments."
- Matthew 22:36-40

You have heard that it was said,
"Love your neighbor and hate your enemy."
But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.
- Matthew 5:43-44

Ask and it will be given to you;
seek and you will find;
knock and the door will be opened to you.
- Matthew 7:7

(Jesus on Anger and Revenge)
You have heard that it was said,
"Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth."
But I tell you, Do not resist an evil person.
If someone strikes you on the right cheek,
turn to him the other also.
- Matthew 5:38-39

Then came Peter to him, and said,
Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me,
and I forgive him? till seven times?
Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee,
Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.
- Matthew 18:21-22

Love your enemies, bless them that curse you,
do good to them that hate you, and pray for them
which despitefully use you and persecute you.
- Matthew 5:44

Jesus preached more and taught more
about helping the poor and the sick and the hungry
than he did about heaven and hell.
Shouldn't that tell us something?
- John Grisham

Day by day we should weigh what we have
granted to the spirit of the world
against what we have denied to the spirit of Jesus,
in thought and especially in deed.
- Albert Schweitzer

Many people mistake our work for our vocation.
Our vocation is the love of Jesus.
- Mother Teresa

Love Your Enemies
Ye have heard that it hath been said,
Thou shalt love thy neighbor, and hate thine enemy.
But I say unto you, Love your enemies,
bless them that curse you,
do good to them that hate you,
and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you.
- Jesus of Nazareth (Matthew 5:43-44)

Everywhere I look, I see the evidence of a creator.
But I don't see it as religion,
which has cut Irish people in two.
I don't see Jesus Christ as being
in any part of a religion.
Religion to me is almost like when God leaves -
and people devise a set of rules to fill the space.
- Bono

I believe in God, but not as one thing,
not as an old man in the sky.
I believe that what people call God
is something in all of us.
I believe that what Jesus and Mohammed and Buddha
and all the rest said was right.
It's just that the translations have gone wrong.
- John Lennon

Jesus said: "A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho,
when he fell into the hands of robbers.
They stripped him of his clothes, beat him
and went away, leaving him half dead.
A priest happened to be going down the same road,
and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side.
So too, a Levite [religious leader],
when he came to the place and saw him,
passed by on the other side.
But a Samaritan [Samaritans and Jews generally disliked
and were suspicious of each other] came where the man was;
and when he saw him, he took pity on him.
He went to him and bandaged his wounds ... and ...
took him to an inn and took care of him. ...
Jesus [said] "Go and do likewise."
- Luke 10:25-37 (The Parable of the Good Samaritan)

The proper office of a friend is to side with you
when you are in the wrong.
Nearly anybody will side with you when you are in the right.
- Mark Twain

He early on let her know who is the boss.
He looked her right in the eye and clearly said, "You're the boss."
- Anonymous humor

To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the wedding cup,
Whenever you're wrong, admit it;
Whenever you're right, shut up.
- Ogden Nash

When I eventually met Mr. Right
I had no idea that his first name was Always.
- Rita Rudner

I don't want to move to a city where the only cultural advantage
is being able to make a right turn on a red light.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall

Still, things could be a lot worse.
Oh, that's right... I'm falling to my death. Guess they can't.
- the movie Megamind (2010)

EVERYONE has the right to make an ass out of themselves.
- Harold and Maude (The movie )

It is dangerous to be right in matters
on which the established authorities are wrong.
- Voltaire

Donkey, you HAVE the right to remain silent.
What you lack, is the capacity.
- said by Shrek in the movie Shrek 2

Always do the right thing.
It will gratify some people and astonish the rest.
- Mark Twain

Even if you're on the right track,
you'll get run over if you just sit there.
- Will Rogers

Lord, where we are wrong,
make us willing to change;
where we are right,
make us easy to live with.
- Peter Marshall

Why wait until you're dead,
when you can create your own Hell right here and now.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Morality is the theory that every human act
must be either right or wrong,
and that 99 % of them are wrong.
- H. L. Mencken

Give the right man two fishes and some bread,
and he will feed the world;
give the wrong man two fishes and some bread
and he will invent the fast-food fish sandwich.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Customs do not concern themselves
with right or wrong or reason.
But they have to be obeyed;
one reasons all around them until he is tired,
but he must not transgress them, it is sternly forbidden.
- Mark Twain

Those who believe they can do something
and those who believe they can't
are both right.
- Henry Ford

I believe that everything happens for a reason.
People change so that you can learn to let go,
things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right,
you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself,
and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.
- Marilyn Monroe

"Hurry up" ranks right up there with "you need to"
as a destroyer of our humanity.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Mind Chatter...
"I'm too fat; I'm too thin; and my hair is a fright;
And I'm never enough; and my world is not right;
I'm not smart; I'm not cute; I'm not strong; I'm a bust
I earn scorn; I earn hate; I'm no good; I disgust."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Do what you feel in your heart to be right.
You'll be criticized anyway.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

To be one, to be united is a great thing.
But to respect the right to be different is maybe even greater.
- Bono

Confidence comes not from always being right
but from not fearing to be wrong.
- Peter T. Mcintyre

Being divorced is like being hit by a Mack truck.
If you live through it, you start looking
very carefully to the right and to the left.
- Jean Kerr

Everyone believes that their beliefs are the right ones -
that is why they are called beliefs.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

No matter how dull, or how mean, or how wise a man is,
he feels that happiness is his indisputable right.
- Helen Keller

The pendulum of the mind alternates
between sense and nonsense,
not between right and wrong.
- Carl Jung

Whatever you do, you need courage.
Whatever course you decide upon,
there is always someone to tell you
that you are wrong.
There are always difficulties arising
that tempt you to believe your critics are right.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Nothing can stop the man with the right
mental attitude from achieving his goal;
nothing on earth can help the man
with the wrong mental attitude.
- Thomas Jefferson

Do what you feel in your heart to be right -
for you'll be criticized anyway.
You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

Remember always that you have not only the right to be an individual,
you have an obligation to be one.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

Parents can only give good advice or put them on the right paths,
but the final forming of a person's character lies in their own hands.
- Anne Frank

Mankind are more disposed to suffer,
while evils are sufferable,
than to right themselves by abolishing
the forms to which they are accustomed.
- Thomas Jefferson

When you are winning a war
almost everything that happens
can be claimed to be right and wise.
- Winston Churchill

I am not interested in power for power's sake,
but I'm interested in power that is moral,
that is right and that is good.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

If you would convince a man that he does wrong, do right.
Men will believe what they see.
- Henry David Thoreau

I have the right to love many people at once
and to change my prince often.
- Anais Nin

Like a Cat, I am Independent, Patient, Alert, and Decisive.
When the time is right, I pounce on opportunity.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

You can always count on Americans to do the right thing -
after they've tried everything else.
- Winston Churchill

One of the surest ways to cause
yourself great suffering
is to insist upon being right -
to demand that all others view life
exactly as you view it.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Stand with anybody that stands right,
stand with him while he is right
and part with him when he goes wrong.
- Abraham Lincoln

I never will, by any word or act, bow to the shrine of intolerance
or admit a right of inquiry into the religious opinions of others.
- Thomas Jefferson

When you are right you cannot be too radical;
when you are wrong, you cannot be too conservative.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

No duty the Executive had to perform was so trying
as to put the right man in the right place.
- Thomas Jefferson

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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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