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Funny Quotes about Life
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Funny Quotes about Hairs

I don't advise a haircut, man.
All hairdressers are in the employment of the government.
Hairs are your aerials.
They pick up signals from the cosmos,
and transmit them directly into the brain.
This is the reason bald-headed men are uptight.
- the movie Withnail & I

I'd like to kiss ya, but I just washed ma hair.
- the movie The Cabin in the Cotton

Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed.
But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops.
Uh, depending on the breaks.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove

Too bad all the people who know how to run this country
are busy running taxicabs or cutting hair.
- George Burns

Mind Chatter...
"I'm too fat; I'm too thin; and my hair is a fright;
And I'm never enough; and my world is not right;
I'm not smart; I'm not cute; I'm not strong; I'm a bust
I earn scorn; I earn hate; I'm no good; I disgust."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

It doesn't matter how long my hair is
or what color my skin is
or whether I'm a woman or a man.
- John Lennon

We all have our thorns. We, and Life, have our moments.
Life occurs before our morning coffee.
Life occurs in our bathrobe with our hair uncombed.
Bless and give thanks for All of Life - the bloom and the thorns.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Judgment is discernment on a bad hair day.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Gather yourself by the sea shore and I will love you there.
Assemble yourself with wild things,
with songs of the sparrow and sea-foam.
Let mad beauty collect itself in your eyes
and it will shine - Calling me.
For I long for a man with nests of wild things in his hair.
A man who will Kiss the Flame.
- Jewel

Ever had a bad hair day -
a day when everything seemed to be going wrong?
Perhaps today is a day to soothe your ruffled feathers,
take a deep breath, and reaffirm that
the weight of the world is really not on your shoulders,
unless you choose to assume that burden.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

It really does matter when we tell even the slightest untruth.
Even something as well intentioned as
telling someone their ill-finished
hair style looks wonderful will backfire -
certainly karmically, and usually practically.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Man is descended from a hairy, tailed quadruped,
probably arboreal in its habits.
- Charles Darwin

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
- W. C. Fields

A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle.
- Benjamin Franklin

Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde

A man is incomplete until he is married.
After that, he is finished.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln

Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West

One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein

Don't marry a man to reform him -
that's what reform schools are for.
- Mae West

Afraid? Me? A man who's licked
his weight in wild caterpillars?
Afraid? You bet I'm afraid!
- Groucho Marx

He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of.
- Mae West

Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy,
the first question I ask myself is:
is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
- Rita Rudner

It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous

There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman -
before marriage and after marriage.
- Anonymous

You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle

A man is a fool if he drinks before he reaches the age of 50,
and a fool if he doesn't afterward.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

Whenever I date a guy, I think,
"Is this the man I want my children
to spend their weekends with?"
- Rita Rudner

In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland

One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash

You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain

Barf: I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!
- the movie Spaceballs (1987)

A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler

Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous

A man likes his wife to be
just clever enough to appreciate his cleverness,
and just stupid enough to admire it.
- Israel Zangwill

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx

No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous

I am a man of fixed and unbending principles,
the first of which is to be flexible at all times.
- Everett Dirksen

Man's nature is not essentially evil.
Brute nature has been known to
yield to the influence of love.
You must never despair of human nature.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Man will occasionally stumble over the truth,
but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on.
- Winston Churchill

A little girl at the wedding afterwards asked her mother
why the bride changed her mind.
What do you mean? responded her mother.
Well, she went down the aisle with one man,
and came back with another.
- Anonymous

It is sad but unfortunately true that
man learns nothing from history.
- Carl Jung

The man of science is a poor philosopher.
- Albert Einstein

The reason why the world lacks unity,
and lies broken and in heaps,
is, because man is disunited with himself.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

I want to be the white man's brother, not his brother-in-law.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
- Albert Schweitzer

God must love the common man, he made so many of them.
- Abraham Lincoln

I would rather trust a woman's instinct than a man's reason.
- Stanley Baldwin

Mr. Attlee is a very modest man.
Indeed he has a lot to be modest about.
- Winston Churchill

When I hear a man preach,
I like to see him act as if he were fighting bees.
- Abraham Lincoln

Show me a sane man, and I will cure him for you.
- Carl Jung

If it keeps up, man will atrophy
all his limbs but the push-button finger.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

The man who reads nothing at all
is better educated than the man who reads nothing but newspapers.
- Thomas Jefferson

Never give a sword to a man who can't dance.
- Confucius

Stay hopeless and confused. Keep polishing those skills.
- the movie When a Man Loves a Woman (1994)

The man who says he is willing to meet you halfway
is usually a poor judge of distance.
- Laurence J. Peter

If a man smiles all the time,
he's probably selling something that doesn't work.
- George Carlin

Too often the strong, silent man is silent only because
he does not know what to say, and is reputed strong
only because he has remained silent.
- Winston Churchill

The way for a young man to rise is
to improve himself in every way he can,
never suspecting that anybody wishes to hinder him.
- Abraham Lincoln

Confused Memories of Childhood:
Hate to my father, cruel hate,
confused with love - a mix not great.
The man I love - the man I hate;
the man I want to emulate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

An intellectual is a man
who takes more words than necessary
to tell more than he knows.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

It appears to be a law that you cannot have
a deep sympathy with both man and nature.
- Henry David Thoreau

The power of man has grown in every sphere, except over himself.
- Winston Churchill

Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say,
abstains from giving us wordy evidence of the fact.
- George Eliot

One man's "magic" is another man's engineering.
"Supernatural" is a null word.
- Robert A. Heinlein

Never stir up litigation.
A worse man can scarcely be found than one who does this.
- Abraham Lincoln

Every man thinks God is on his side.
- Jean Anouilh

The man who can smile when things go wrong
has thought of someone else he can blame it on.
- Robert Bloch


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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