Funny Quotes about Femaleness

I'm actually starting to like more and more people
who have convictions that are unpopular.
Now at what point does an unpopular conviction
interfere with your own human rights?
Forced female circumcision, for instance.
The Catholic Church's stance on contraception.
The list goes on. You know, God has some really weird kids,
and I find it hard to be in their company most of the time.
- Bono

I do not believe in using women in combat,
because females are too fierce.
- Margaret Mead

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand

It's not the size of the dog in the fight,
it's the size of the fight in the dog.
- Mark Twain

"It's not that important,
don't worry about it" is the answer,
now what was the question?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer

Two things are infinite:
the universe and human stupidity;
and I'm not sure about the universe.
- Albert Einstein

It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous

Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.
- Will Rogers

Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed.
But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops.
Uh, depending on the breaks.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove

It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel

Personally, I'm always ready to learn,
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill

The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death

I'm not used to feeling so human.
Is it always like this?
- Edward, from Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer

In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland

Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
- Albert Einstein

Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek

The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

DON'T get officious.
You're not yourself when you're officious -
That is the curse of a government job.
- the movie Harold and Maude (1971)

I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln

Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West

Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire

No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous

Yeah I called her up. She gave me a bunch of ...
about me not listening to her, or something.
I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.
- the movie Dumb & Dumber (1994)

Marriage is a fine institution -
but I'm not ready for an institution yet.
- Mae West

I'm not talking about lust.
A woman in lust wants chocolate.
A woman in love wants diamonds.
- the movie How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days

It is only the poor who pay cash,
and that not from virtue,
but because they are refused credit.
- Anatole France

The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet
and steady and loyal and enduring a nature
that it will last through a whole lifetime,
if not asked to lend money.
- Mark Twain

We are finally driven to monogamy
not by morality but by exhaustion.
- Erica Jong

One minute you're in the lunchroom at Glenwood High
and you ... blink and you're 40,
you blink again and you can see movies
at half price on a senior citizen's pass.
Ask not for whom the bell tolls, or to put it more accurately,
ask not for whom the toilet flushes.
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity

I am always ready to learn
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill

Ending a sentence with a preposition is
something up with which I will not put.
- Winston Churchill

Life is never fair, and perhaps it is a good thing
for most of us that it is not.
- Oscar Wilde

Morality which depends upon the helplessness
of a man or woman has not much to recommend it.
Morality is rooted in the purity of our hearts.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

A positive attitude may not solve all your problems,
but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
- Herm Albright

Confused Memories of Childhood:
Hate to my father, cruel hate,
confused with love - a mix not great.
The man I love - the man I hate;
the man I want to emulate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The person who says it cannot be done
should not interrupt the person who is doing it.
- Chinese proverb

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us.
- Marianne Williamson

The objection to Puritans is not that
they try to make us think as they do,
but that they try to make us do as they think.
- H. L. Mencken

Contrary to general belief,
I do not believe that friends are necessarily
the people you like best,
they are merely the people who got there first.
- Peter Ustinov

Do not speak to me of rules.
This is war! This is not a game of cricket!
- from the movie The Bridge On The River Kwai

The most difficult phase of life
is not when no one understands you,
it is when you don't understand yourself.
- Anonymous

I want to be the white man's brother, not his brother-in-law.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Politics is such a torment that I advise everyone
I love not to mix with it.
- Thomas Jefferson

Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth
until the hour of separation.
- Khalil Gibran

Do not bite at the bait of pleasure,
till you know there is no hook beneath it.
- Thomas Jefferson

Delusion: belief said to be false by someone who does not share it.
- Thomas Szasz

I'm sure we all agree that we ought to love one another
and I know there are people in the world
that do not love their fellow human beings
and I HATE people like that.
- Tom Lehrer

I once had a rose named after me
and I was very flattered.
But I was not pleased to read
the description in the catalogue:
no good in a bed, but fine up against a wall.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

There is no pleasure in having nothing to do;
the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it.
- Mary Wilson Little

When dealing with people, remember you are
not dealing with creatures of logic,
but creatures of emotion.
- Dale Carnegie

For those who do not think,
it is best at least to rearrange
their prejudices once in a while.
- Luther Burbank

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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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Funny Quotes about Femaleness

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