Funny Quotes about Efficiency

Washington, where an insignificant individual
may trespass on a nation's time.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

There are a number of things wrong with Washington.
One of them is that everyone is too far from home.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

I love to think of nature as an unlimited broadcasting station,
through which God speaks to us every hour, if we will only tune in.
- George Washington Carver

Nothing is more beautiful than the loveliness
of the woods before sunrise.
- George Washington Carver

Since new developments are
the products of a creative mind,
we must therefore stimulate and encourage
that type of mind in every way possible.
- George Washington Carver

There is no short cut to achievement.
Life requires thorough preparation -
veneer isn't worth anything.
- George Washington Carver

Ninety-nine percent of the failures
come from people who have the habit of making excuses.
- George Washington Carver

Our happiness or misery depends on our dispositions
and not on our circumstances.
- Martha Washington

No individual has any right to come into the world
and go out of it without leaving something behind.
- George Washington Carver

When you can do the common things of life in an uncommon way,
you will command the attention of the world.
- George Washington Carver

Education is the key to unlock the golden door of freedom.
- George Washington Carver

There is a sacredness in tears.
They are not the mark of weakness, but of power.
They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues.
They are messengers of overwhelming grief ...
and unspeakable love.
- Washington Irving

Reading about nature is fine, but if a person
walks in the woods and listens carefully,
he can learn more than what is in books,
for they speak with the voice of God.
- George Washington Carver

The greater part of our happiness or misery
depends on our dispositions and not on our circumstances.
- Martha Washington

When our thoughts - which bring actions -
are filled with hate against anyone, Negro or white,
we are in a living hell.
That is as real as hell will ever be.
- George Washington Carver

Love is never lost. If not reciprocated,
it will flow back and soften and purify the heart.
- Washington Irving

Success is to be measured not so much
by the position that one has reached in life
as by the obstacles which he has overcome.
- Booker T. Washington

Learn to do common things uncommonly well;
we must always keep in mind that anything
that helps fill the dinner pail is valuable.
- George Washington Carver

True friendship is a plant of slow growth,
and must undergo and withstand the shocks of adversity
before it is entitled to the appellation.
- George Washington

Anything will give up its secrets if you love it enough.
Not only have I found that when I talk to the little flower
or to the little peanut they will give up their secrets,
but I have found that when I silently commune with people
they give up their secrets also - if you love them enough.
- George Washington Carver

I am determined to be cheerful and happy
in whatever situation I may find myself.
For I have learned that the greater part of our misery or unhappiness
is determined not by our circumstance but by our disposition.
- Martha Washington

I wanted to know the name of every stone
and flower and insect and bird and beast.
I wanted to know where it got its color, where it got its life -
but there was no one to tell me.
- George Washington Carver

How far you go in life depends on you being
tender with the young,
compassionate with the aged,
sympathetic with the striving
and tolerant of the weak and the strong.
Because someday in life you will have been all of these.
- George Washington Carver

Our creator is the same and never changes
despite the names given Him by people here
and in all parts of the world.
Even if we gave Him no name at all,
He would still be there, within us,
waiting to give us good on this earth.
- George Washington Carver

I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living;
the world owes you nothing; it was here first.
- Mark Twain

However beautiful the strategy,
you should occasionally look at the results.
- Winston Churchill

Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer

It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed)

Yesterday is like a dung heap;
you can complain about the smell,
or you can use it to fertilize tomorrow's garden.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

New Yorkers love it when you spill your guts out there.
Spill your guts at Wimbledon and they make you stop and clean it up.
- Jimmy Carter

There's no reason to become alarmed,
and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight.
By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?
- the movie Airplane!

Life's like Vegas. You're up, you're down,
but in the end the house always wins.
Doesn't mean you didn't have fun.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

Oh no, I can't do anything to the death.
Doctor's orders. You see, I have this ulcer condition,
and death is the worst thing for it.
- the movie Love and Death

A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next
to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles

The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

You know, it takes two to get one in trouble.
- the movie She Done Him Wrong (1933)

I read that you should never go out with someone
if you can think of three reasons why you shouldn't.
- the movie Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason (2004)

Thank you, gentlemen. Someday I will repay you,
unless of course I can't find you, or if I forget.
- the movie Shrek 2

He early on let her know who is the boss.
He looked her right in the eye and clearly said, "You're the boss."
- Anonymous humor

When you are courting a nice girl
an hour seems like a second.
When you sit on a red-hot cinder
a second seems like an hour.
That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein

Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove (1964)

(Groom), take (Bride)'s hand and place your hand over hers.
Now, remember this moment and cherish it...
because this will be the last time you ever have the upper hand.
- Anonymous

To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories

Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek

Marriage has no guarantees.
If that's what you're looking for,
go live with a car battery.
- Erma Bombeck

Afraid? Me? A man who's licked
his weight in wild caterpillars?
Afraid? You bet I'm afraid!
- Groucho Marx

I got a good mind to join a club
and beat you over the head with it.
- the Groucho Marx movie Duck Soup

One great thing about getting old is that
you can get out of all sorts of social obligations
just by saying you're too tired.
- George Carlin

Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous

If you don't know where you are going,
you might wind up someplace else.
- Yogi Berra

You can put wings on a pig,
but you don't make it an eagle.
- William J. Clinton

You have to learn to push the guilt
under the rug and move on,
otherwise it overwhelms you.
- the Woody Allen movie Match Point

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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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Funny Quotes about Efficiency

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