Funny Quotes about Divorced

When people get married because they think
it's a long-time love affair,
they'll be divorced very soon,
because all love affairs end in disappointment.
But marriage is a recognition of a spiritual identity.
- Joseph Campbell

If you have been divorced, you know it hurts -
especially if your marriage had lasted many years.
Whatever the circumstances of your relationship,
and whatever the nature of its ending,
there is always grief and regret -
perhaps regret over the ending,
or perhaps regret over not ending the relationship sooner -
or perhaps both.
Nonetheless, move past the grief and regret.
No matter how painful, divorce, like all endings,
opens the door to new beginnings.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Spiritual relationship is far more precious than physical.
Physical relationship divorced from spiritual
is body without soul.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

When two people decide to get a divorce,
it isn't a sign that they "don't understand" one another,
but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.
- Helen Rowland

There are four stages in a marriage.
First there's the affair,
then the marriage,
then children
and finally the fourth stage,
without which you cannot know a woman, the divorce.
- Norman Mailer

A divorce is like an amputation:
you survive it, but there's less of you.
- Margaret Atwood

You cannot divorce religious belief and public service.
I've never detected any conflict between
God's will and my political duty.
If you violate one, you violate the other.
- Jimmy Carter

Do real life people actually fall in love
with the idea of being in love?
Unfortunately, it is actually quite common.
Someone wants desperately to have
the husband or wife of their dreams.
They visualize the vine-covered cottage
with the white picket fence.
They choose the colors for the nursery.
They design all the aspects of their married life.
A real person stands no chance of measuring up to those fantasies.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

You can learn how to let go of the past.
Whether you have experienced a break up
with someone you cared for deeply,
whether death has taken a loved one,
whether you have had a feud with a friend or family member,
whether you have lost a job.
Move on and let go.
Life can be joyful and rewarding again.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Everyone should have at least two friends -
one to talk to and one to talk about.
- Anonymous

Two things are infinite:
the universe and human stupidity;
and I'm not sure about the universe.
- Albert Einstein

There are two things that are more difficult
than making an after-dinner speech:
climbing a wall which is leaning toward you
and kissing a girl who is leaning away from you.
- Winston Churchill

There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman -
before marriage and after marriage.
- Anonymous

One good Husband is worth two good Wives;
for the scarcer things are, the more they're valued.
- Benjamin Franklin

You know, it takes two to get one in trouble.
- the movie She Done Him Wrong (1933)

Oh, if only God would give me some sign.
If He would just speak to me once. Anything.
One sentence. Two words. If He would just cough.
- the movie Love and Death

Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous

My wife and I tried two or three times in the last 40 years
to have breakfast together,
but it was so disagreeable we had to stop.
- Winston Churchill

Only two things are infinite,
the universe and human stupidity,
and I'm not sure about the former.
- Albert Einstein

I would never want to be a member of a group
whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
- George Carlin

There are two kinds of people,
those who do the work,
and those who take the credit.
Try to be in the first group;
there is less competition there.
- Indira Gandhi

Two things a man should never be angry at:
what he can help,
and what he cannot help.
- Thomas Fuller

Praying is important when you wake up
at two o'clock in the morning
feeling sick from eating something dumb the day before.
- Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts

I do not believe that civilization will be wiped out
in a war fought with the atomic bomb.
Perhaps two-thirds of the people of the earth will be killed.
- Albert Einstein

Give the right man two fishes and some bread,
and he will feed the world;
give the wrong man two fishes and some bread
and he will invent the fast-food fish sandwich.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Love is what makes two people
sit in the middle of a park bench
when there is plenty of room at both ends.
- Anonymous

In life you are given two ends;
one to think with and the other to sit on.
Your success in life depends on which end you use most.
Heads you win, tails you lose.
- Conrad Burns

The will to believe chases out the rational mind,
whenever and wherever the two come into conflict.
- Philip K. Dick

The rite of the rings appeals yet appalls:
a cutting, a joining, a losing, a gaining.
One becomes half, as two become one.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I truly believe that happiness is possible...
even when you're thirty-three
and have a bottom the size of two bowling balls.
- the movie Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason

When written in Chinese, the word "crisis"
is composed of two characters.
One represents danger and the other represents opportunity.
- John F. Kennedy

There are only two or three human stories,
and they go on repeating themselves as fiercely
as if they had never happened before.
- Willa Cather

Every tomorrow has two handles.
We can take hold of it with the handle of anxiety
or the handle of faith.
- Henry Ward Beecher

There are only two ways to live your life.
One is as though nothing is a miracle.
The other is as though everything is a miracle.
- Albert Einstein

Prejudice is a two-edged sword.
Like the steel sort of sword, it's very sharp, very useful,
and very dangerous if not properly mastered.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Don't be afraid to take a big step if one is indicated;
you can't cross a chasm in two small jumps.
- David Lloyd George

There are two mistakes one can make along the road to truth
- not going all the way and not starting.
- The Buddha

To live a satisfying life requires two steps...
1. Plan your life goals.
2. Act on your plan - every day.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I ...
I took the one less traveled by,
and that has made all the difference.
- Robert Frost

The two powers which in my opinion constitute a wise man
are those of bearing and forbearing.
- Epictetus

The Two Great Lessons of Life: Choose Love & Trust God.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Falling in love and having a relationship
are two different things.
- Keanu Reeves

There are two lasting bequests we can give our children
One is roots, the other is wings.
- Hodding Carter

People sort themselves into groups
of happy people and unhappy people
through two different, but complementary mechanisms,
influence and affinity.
I influence those around me
with my emotional state, either happy or unhappy.
At the same time, I feel an affinity
for others who are like me in some way -
in this case by sharing my emotional outlook on life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

As a rock star, I have two instincts,
I want to have fun, and I want to change the world.
I have a chance to do both.
- Bono

You can close more business in two months
by becoming interested in other people
than you can in two years by trying
to get people interested in you.
- Dale Carnegie

This communicating of a man's self to his friend
works two contrary effects;
for it redoubleth joys, and cutteth griefs in half.
- Francis Bacon

At the beginning and at the end of love,
the two lovers are embarrassed to find themselves alone.
- Jean de la Bruyere

We have two ears and one mouth so that
we can listen twice as much as we speak.
- Epictetus

There are two things to aim at in life:
first, to get what you want,
and after that to to enjoy it.
- Logan Pearsall Smith

We were given:
Two hands to hold.
Two legs to walk.
Two eyes to see.
Two ears to listen.
But why only one heart?
Because the other was given to someone else.
For us to find.
- Anonymous

There are two means of refuge
from the miseries of life:
music and cats.
- Albert Schweitzer

When I am getting ready to reason with a man,
I spend one-third of my time thinking about myself
and what I am going to say
and two-thirds about him and what he is going to say.
- Abraham Lincoln

People generally complain about only two things:
when they have less than yesterday,
and when they have less than their neighbor.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Friendship is not possible between two women
one of whom is very well dressed.
- Laurie Colwin

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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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