Enter one or two keywords to search these Funny Quotes.

Hint: keep it simple, like life twain

Funny Quotes about Life
Funny Quotes about Life | Funny Love Quotes | About
Search:   A-   B-   Ca-   Co-   D-   E-   F-   G-   H-    I-    J-K-L   M-   N-O   Pa-   Pr-   Q-R   Sa-   Sk-   T-   U-V-W-X-Y-Z
Follow my Humorous yet Insightful Quote of the Day by Email:

Funny Quotes about Dissemination

The goal of education is the advancement of knowledge
and the dissemination of truth.
- John F. Kennedy

You are never too old to set another goal
or to dream a new dream.
- C. S. Lewis PHOTO

Peace is not merely a distant goal that we seek,
but a means by which we arrive at that goal.
- Martin Luther King, Jr. PHOTO

The goal of life is
to make your heartbeat match the beat of the universe,
to match your nature with Nature.
- Joseph Campbell

We must walk consciously only part way toward our goal,
and then leap in the dark to our success.
- Henry David Thoreau

The fastest way to destroy love
is to make a goal out of it,
because people who are trying to be loved
come from a place that they're not loved.
- Werner Erhard

Happiness is not a goal; it is a by-product.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

You know that you have fully experienced love
when you turn into love -
that is the spiritual goal of life.
- Deepak Chopra

What are you committed to?
Have you started, or are you still thinking about it -
and making excuses?
Do you work toward your goal each day?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Nothing can stop the man with the right
mental attitude from achieving his goal;
nothing on earth can help the man
with the wrong mental attitude.
- Thomas Jefferson

The function of education is to teach one
to think intensively and to think critically.
Intelligence plus character - that is the goal of true education.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Let me tell you the secret that has led me to my goal.
My strength lies solely in my tenacity.
- Louis Pasteur

If there are dreams about a beautiful South Africa,
there are also roads that lead to their goal.
Two of these roads could be named Goodness and Forgiveness.
- Nelson Mandela

We may never be strong enough to be entirely
nonviolent in thought, word and deed.
But we must keep nonviolence as our goal
and make strong progress towards it.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Glory lies in the attempt to reach one's goal,
and not in reaching it.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

The very nature of the world is constant change.
You set a goal and create a plan to achieve it;
then the assumptions on which you
based your plan change - they always do.
The challenge is to retain your goals
while adapting your tactics.
Relax and stay flexible in order to reach
your goals and maintain your happiness.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

If you know what to do to reach your goal,
it's not a big enough goal.
- Bob Proctor

Human progress is neither automatic nor inevitable...
Every step toward the goal of justice
requires sacrifice, suffering, and struggle;
the tireless exertions and
passionate concern of dedicated individuals.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Success... A goal is a dream with a deadline.
- Napoleon Hill

The tragedy of life doesn't lie in not reaching your goal.
The tragedy lies in having no goal to reach.
- Benjamin E. Mays

My whole goal is to keep my spirit intact.
If that doesn't happen, none of this is worth it.
- Jewel

A goal is a dream with a deadline.
- Napoleon Hill

Beating an opponent is not a goal,
but a by-product of success.
- John Wooden

Life is a continuity always and always.
There is no final destination it is going towards.
Just the pilgrimage, just the journey in itself is life,
not reaching to some point,
no goal - just dancing and being in pilgrimage,
moving joyously, without bothering about any destination.
- Osho

If you paint in your mind a picture of
bright and happy expectations,
you put yourself into a condition conducive to your goal.
- Norman Vincent Peale

It's one of life's great paradoxes ...
Accepting with gratitude whatever life throws at us
is critical to happiness.
Yet without a goal and commitment, life lose much of its value.
The best we can do in the face of this paradox
is to play to win, but be cheerful in defeat
and ready to play again.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

From the way most people live,
one would never guess that humans are beings of free will.
Repetition can be a choice, but often it isn't.
The athlete or pianist who practices the same routine
day after day, year after year, has their eye on a goal.
The unending repetition is a conscious choice
in the pursuit of a life dream.
But what about the sameness of most lives?
Observe the morning commute, the after-work drink,
the Sunday football game or religious service -
how many of those people are consciously following their dream,
training their mind, body, and spirit through that daily repetition?
And how many are mindlessly slogging through each day
out of habit and boredom?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Choose your goal and keep your eye on it. Never give up.
Perhaps you will need to change your plan
and approach you goal from a different direction, but don't quit.
Keep thinking. Keep re-planning. Keep going.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

All successful people men and women are big dreamers.
They imagine what their future could be,
ideal in every respect,
and then they work every day toward
their distant vision,
that goal or purpose.
- Brian Tracy

Every day is a new day -
a day for new beginnings, new dreams, new action -
a day for challenge, adventure, and discovery.
TODAY, what is your goal?
What is your dream?
What action are you taking to further your goals and dreams?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Can you achieve your goals?
You can't reach your goal if you haven't
defined your goals.
And you can't succeed if you don't try -
and then pick yourself up
and try again each time you fail.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

It is for us to pray not for tasks equal to our powers,
but for powers equal to our tasks,
to go forward with a great desire forever beating at the door
of our hearts as we travel toward our distant goal.
- Helen Keller

Leaders aren't born they are made.
And they are made just like anything else, through hard work.
And that's the price we'll have to pay
to achieve that goal, or any goal.
- Vince Lombardi

I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living;
the world owes you nothing; it was here first.
- Mark Twain

However beautiful the strategy,
you should occasionally look at the results.
- Winston Churchill

Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer

If you do what you've always done,
you'll get what you always got.
- Mark Twain

If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)

It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed)

Yesterday is like a dung heap;
you can complain about the smell,
or you can use it to fertilize tomorrow's garden.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous

When everything comes your way
you're in the wrong lane.
- Anonymous

You can put wings on a pig,
but you don't make it an eagle.
- William J. Clinton

Always remember the three magic words: You're right dear.
- Anonymous

DON'T get officious.
You're not yourself when you're officious -
That is the curse of a government job.
- the movie Harold and Maude (1971)

Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek

Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

Will the people in the cheaper seats clap your hands?
And the rest of you, if you'll just rattle your jewelry.
- John Lennon

When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain

To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories

You ask me if I keep a notebook
to record my great ideas.
I've only ever had one.
- Albert Einstein

A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next
to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles

You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog.
- Harry S. Truman

And you just gotta remember, Sparky -
no matter what they tell you - you can NEVER have too much sugar.
- the movie Michael (1996)

The worst part of success is to try to find
someone who is happy for you.
- Bette Midler

When you are courting a nice girl
an hour seems like a second.
When you sit on a red-hot cinder
a second seems like an hour.
That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein

When your friends begin to flatter
you on how young you look,
it's a sure sign you're getting old.
- Mark Twain

If love is the answer,
could you please rephrase the question.
- Lily Tomlin

Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove (1964)

You're already a bastard.
Might as well be an enlightened one.
- the movie Simon Birch

Thank you, gentlemen. Someday I will repay you,
unless of course I can't find you, or if I forget.
- the movie Shrek 2

Be careful about reading health books.
You may die of a misprint.
- Mark Twain

New Yorkers love it when you spill your guts out there.
Spill your guts at Wimbledon and they make you stop and clean it up.
- Jimmy Carter

You know what? Maybe there's a good reason
donkeys shouldn't talk.
- the movie Shrek (2001)

You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle

Life's like Vegas. You're up, you're down,
but in the end the house always wins.
Doesn't mean you didn't have fun.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

Oh no, I can't do anything to the death.
Doctor's orders. You see, I have this ulcer condition,
and death is the worst thing for it.
- the movie Love and Death

You'll live to be a hundred if you give up
all the things that make you want to.
- the movie Interiors

If you don't know where you are going,
you might wind up someplace else.
- Yogi Berra

Of all the things that could frighten you,
you worry about my driving?
- Edward, from Twilight saga by Stephenie Meyer


Please sign up on the form below to receive
my Free Daily Inspiration - Daily Quotes email.

You can also search my large collection of Funny Quotes.

May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Funny Quotes

 


All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.