Funny Quotes about Disability

If you are disabled, it is probably not your fault,
but it is no good blaming the world or expecting it to take pity on you.
One has to have a positive attitude
and must make the best of the situation that one finds oneself in.
If one is physically disabled,
one cannot afford to be psychologically disabled as well.
- Stephen Hawking

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand

Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer

"It's not that important,
don't worry about it" is the answer,
now what was the question?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

It's not the size of the dog in the fight,
it's the size of the fight in the dog.
- Mark Twain

Personally, I'm always ready to learn,
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill

It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous

Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire

Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek

DON'T get officious.
You're not yourself when you're officious -
That is the curse of a government job.
- the movie Harold and Maude (1971)

Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West

Two things are infinite:
the universe and human stupidity;
and I'm not sure about the universe.
- Albert Einstein

Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
- Albert Einstein

In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland

I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln

It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel

The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous

Yeah I called her up. She gave me a bunch of ...
about me not listening to her, or something.
I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.
- the movie Dumb & Dumber (1994)

Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.
- Will Rogers

I'm not used to feeling so human.
Is it always like this?
- Edward, from Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer

I'm not talking about lust.
A woman in lust wants chocolate.
A woman in love wants diamonds.
- the movie How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days

The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death

Marriage is a fine institution -
but I'm not ready for an institution yet.
- Mae West

Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed.
But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops.
Uh, depending on the breaks.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove

A loyal friend laughs at your jokes
when they're not so good,
and sympathizes with your problems
when they're not so bad.
- Arnold H. Glasgow

When dealing with people, remember you are
not dealing with creatures of logic,
but creatures of emotion.
- Dale Carnegie

As far as the laws of mathematics
refer to reality, they are not certain,
and as far as they are certain,
they do not refer to reality.
- Albert Einstein

Ending a sentence with a preposition is
something up with which I will not put.
- Winston Churchill

The existence of an anthropomorphic
"Father-figure" deity is not impossible,
merely exceptionally improbable and illogical.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man,
and I hate people like that!
- Tom Lehrer

The trouble with the world is not
that people know too little,
but that they know so many things that ain't so.
- Mark Twain

Do not use a hatchet to remove
a fly from your friend's forehead.
- Chinese Proverb

For those who do not think,
it is best at least to rearrange
their prejudices once in a while.
- Luther Burbank

I once had a rose named after me
and I was very flattered.
But I was not pleased to read
the description in the catalogue:
no good in a bed, but fine up against a wall.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

There is no use whatsoever trying to help
people who do not help themselves.
You cannot push anyone up a ladder
unless he is willing to climb himself.
- Andrew Carnegie

Silence is not always a Sign of Wisdom,
but Babbling is ever a folly.
- Benjamin Franklin

It's not much of a tail, but I'm sort of attached to it.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)

Although personally I am quite content with existing explosives,
I feel we must not stand in the path of improvement.
- Winston Churchill

The lawyer's truth is not Truth,
but consistency or a consistent expediency.
- Henry David Thoreau

The rich are not born skeptical or cynical.
They are made that way by events, circumstances.
- Paul Getty

One minute you're in the lunchroom at Glenwood High
and you ... blink and you're 40,
you blink again and you can see movies
at half price on a senior citizen's pass.
Ask not for whom the bell tolls, or to put it more accurately,
ask not for whom the toilet flushes.
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity

For centuries, theologians have been explaining
the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
- H. L. Mencken

I do not believe that civilization will be wiped out
in a war fought with the atomic bomb.
Perhaps two-thirds of the people of the earth will be killed.
- Albert Einstein

The function of muscle is to pull and not to push,
except in the case of the genitals and the tongue.
- Leonardo da Vinci

Do not speak to me of rules.
This is war! This is not a game of cricket!
- from the movie The Bridge On The River Kwai

I do not fear death.
I had been dead for billions and billions
of years before I was born,
and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.
- Mark Twain

My advice to you is get married:
if you find a good wife you'll be happy;
if not, you'll become a philosopher.
- Socrates

The most difficult phase of life
is not when no one understands you,
it is when you don't understand yourself.
- Anonymous

Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth
until the hour of separation.
- Khalil Gibran

The church is always trying to get other people to reform;
it might not be a bad idea to reform itself a little,
by way of example.
- Mark Twain

The wine of youth does not always
clear with advancing years;
sometimes it grows turbid.
- Carl Jung

I think that there is nothing, not even crime,
more opposed to poetry, to philosophy, ay, to life itself
than this incessant business.
- Henry David Thoreau

Politics is such a torment that I advise everyone
I love not to mix with it.
- Thomas Jefferson

Life is never fair, and perhaps it is a good thing
for most of us that it is not.
- Oscar Wilde

Please sign up on the form below to receive
my Free Daily Inspiration - Daily Quotes email.

May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Funny Quotes

Follow my Humorous yet Insightful Quote of the Day by Email:

Funny Quotes about Disability

Funny Quotes