Funny Quotes about Delusions

It is amazing how complete is the delusion
that beauty is goodness.
- Leo Tolstoy

A person experiences life as
something separated from the rest -
a kind of optical delusion of consciousness.
Our task must be to free ourselves
from this self-imposed prison,
and through compassion,
to find the reality of Oneness.
- Albert Einstein

Religion is the masterpiece of the art of animal training,
for it trains people as to how they should think.
- Arthur Schopenhauer

What we think, we become.
All that we are arises with our thoughts.
With our thoughts, we make the world.
- The Buddha

Whenever I date a guy, I think,
"Is this the man I want my children
to spend their weekends with?"
- Rita Rudner

I read that you should never go out with someone
if you can think of three reasons why you shouldn't.
- the movie Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason (2004)

She's been diagnosed as a paranoid hypochondriac.
Doctors think she may be faking.
- the movie Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid

I personally think we developed language
because of our deep need to complain.
- Lily Tomlin

The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death

No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective

A relationship, I think, is like a shark.
You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall (1977)

Did you ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)

For those who do not think,
it is best at least to rearrange
their prejudices once in a while.
- Luther Burbank

Really I feel less keen about the Army every day.
I think the Church would suit me better.
- Winston Churchill

Human beings are the only creatures on the planet
who tell time and think they have to earn a living.
- Buckminster Fuller

What do I think of Western civilization?
I think it would be a very good idea.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

If you can't annoy somebody with what you write,
I think there's little point in writing.
- Kingsley Amis

I think that there is nothing, not even crime,
more opposed to poetry, to philosophy, ay, to life itself
than this incessant business.
- Henry David Thoreau

People who think they know everything
are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
- Isaac Asimov

Think of how stupid the average person is,
and realize half of them are stupider than that.
- George Carlin

In life you are given two ends;
one to think with and the other to sit on.
Your success in life depends on which end you use most.
Heads you win, tails you lose.
- Conrad Burns

I don't like to think of laws
as rules you have to follow,
but more as suggestions.
- George Carlin

The third certainty of life, after death and taxes,
is that nothing will work out the way you want.
Life is fully as bad as you think it is.
Choose to live joyfully anyway.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out
where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
- George Carlin

Anyone who thinks sitting in church
can make you a Christian must also think
that sitting in a garage can make you a car.
- Garrison Keillor

If it turns out that there IS a God,
I don't think that he's evil.
I think that the worst you can say about him
is that basically he's an underachiever.
- the movie Love and Death

Always speak the truth,
think before you speak,
and write it down afterwards.
- Lewis Carroll

I don't think the intelligence reports are all that hot.
Some days I get more out of the New York Times.
- John F. Kennedy

The objection to Puritans is not that
they try to make us think as they do,
but that they try to make us do as they think.
- H. L. Mencken

I think men who have a pierced ear
are better prepared for marriage.
They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
- Rita Rudner

It isn't what you have, or who you are, or where you are,
or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy.
It is what you think about.
- Dale Carnegie

The most pathetic person in the world
is someone who has sight, but has no vision.
- Helen Keller

Life does not consist mainly,
or even largely, of facts or happenings.
It consist mainly of the storm of thoughts
that is forever flowing through one's head.
- Mark Twain

You know that place between sleeping and awake,
that place where you can still remember dreaming?
That's where I'll always think of you.
- James M. Barrie

People should think things out fresh
and not just accept conventional terms
and the conventional way of doing things.
- R. Buckminster Fuller

Anyone who knows history, particularly
the history of Europe, will, I think,
recognize that the domination
of education or of government
by any one particular religious faith
is never a happy arrangement for the people.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

To know yet to think that one does not know is best;
Not to know yet to think that one knows
will lead to difficulty.
- Lao Tzu

The important thing is not to stop questioning.
Curiosity has its own reason for existing.
- Albert Einstein

No written law has ever been more binding
than unwritten custom supported by popular opinion.
- Carrie Chapman Catt

I don't think of all the misery
but of the beauty that still remains.
- Anne Frank

The function of education is to teach one
to think intensively and to think critically.
Intelligence plus character - that is the goal of true education.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Tolerance is the first principle of community;
it is the spirit which conserves
the best that all men think.
- Helen Keller

Our society is run by insane people for insane objectives.
I think we're being run by maniacs for maniacal ends
and I think I'm liable to be put away as insane for expressing that.
That's what's insane about it.
- John Lennon

Suffering is everywhere. Don't ever think it isn't.
So are miracles. Don't ever think they aren't.
- Jewel

When you keep getting the wrong answers,
try asking better questions.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I seldom think about my limitations,
and they never make me sad.
Perhaps there is just a touch of yearning at times;
but it is vague, like a breeze among flowers.
- Helen Keller

The most incomprehensible thing about the world
is that it is comprehensible.
- Albert Einstein

All truths are easy to understand
once they are discovered;
the point is to discover them.
- Galileo Galilei

We should not pretend to understand the world
only by the intellect.
The judgment of the intellect
is only part of the truth.
- Carl Jung

The great enemy of the truth is very often not the lie,
deliberate, contrived and dishonest,
but the myth, persistent, persuasive and unrealistic.
- John F. Kennedy

If a million people say a foolish thing,
it is still a foolish thing.
- Anatole France

Few is the number of those
who think with their own mind
and feel with their own heart.
- Albert Einstein

We shall require a substantially
new manner of thinking
if mankind is to survive.
- Albert Einstein

I don't know if we each have a destiny,
or if we're all just floatin' around accidental-like on a breeze.
But I, I think maybe it's both.
- the movie Forrest Gump

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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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