Funny Quotes about Complaining

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand

Yesterday is like a dung heap;
you can complain about the smell,
or you can use it to fertilize tomorrow's garden.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I personally think we developed language
because of our deep need to complain.
- Lily Tomlin

Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain,
and most fools do.
- Benjamin Franklin

People generally complain about only two things:
when they have less than yesterday,
and when they have less than their neighbor.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Determine never to be idle.
No person will have occasion to complain
of the want of time who never loses any.
It is wonderful how much may be done if we are always doing.
- Thomas Jefferson

"Fair" is not a useful concept.
Life is not "fair."
You can't make life "fair."
You can get angry.
You can complain about life not being "fair."
You can attempt revenge - perhaps violently.
You can inflict great suffering upon yourself
in the name of life being "unfair."
And Life is still not "fair."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell -
you see, I have friends in both places.
- Mark Twain

Why wait until you're dead,
when you can create your own Hell right here and now.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

If Hitler invaded hell
I would make at least a favorable reference
to the devil in the House of Commons.
- Winston Churchill

Being angry is as close as a human being
can come to experiencing hell on earth.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

When our thoughts - which bring actions -
are filled with hate against anyone, Negro or white,
we are in a living hell.
That is as real as hell will ever be.
- George Washington Carver

An "enemy" is a mirage -
an image of self reflected on the sands of Hell.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The hottest place in Hell is reserved for those
who remain neutral in times of great moral conflict.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

It is better to conquer yourself
than to win a thousand battles.
Then the victory is yours.
It cannot be taken from you,
not by angels or by demons, heaven or hell.
- The Buddha

I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure.
I make mistakes, I am out of control
and at times hard to handle.
But if you can't handle me at my worst,
then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.
- Marilyn Monroe

Jesus preached more and taught more
about helping the poor and the sick and the hungry
than he did about heaven and hell.
Shouldn't that tell us something?
- John Grisham

My God, this is a hell of a job. I have no trouble with my enemies.
I can take care of my enemies all right.
But my damn friends, my goddamn friends.
They're the ones that keep me walking the floor at night.
- Warren G. Harding

Drop guilt! - because to be guilty is to live in hell.
Not being guilty, you will have the freshness
of dewdrops in the early morning sun,
you will have the freshness of lotus petals in the lake,
you will have the freshness of the stars in the night.
Once guilt disappears you will have
a totally different kind of life, luminous and radiant.
You will have a dance to your feet
and your heart will be singing a thousand and one songs.
- Osho

Life is like jumping out of an airplane without a parachute -
only the last couple seconds are fatal,
but most people are scared to death the whole way down.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Life is like a ten speed bicycle.
Most of us have gears we never use.
- Charles M. Schulz

Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek

It looks like we're up chocolate creek without a Popsicle stick!
- the movie Shrek 2 (2004)

I'm not used to feeling so human.
Is it always like this?
- Edward, from Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer

One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain

Husbands should be like Kleenex:
soft, strong, and disposable.
- the movie Clue (1985)

A relationship, I think, is like a shark.
You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall (1977)

Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes
in the hope of pulling out an eel.
- Leonardo da Vinci

Life's like Vegas. You're up, you're down,
but in the end the house always wins.
Doesn't mean you didn't have fun.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde

I'd like to kiss ya, but I just washed ma hair.
- the movie The Cabin in the Cotton

Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter
quite like unrequited love.
- Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts comic

It's cookies, he smells like cookies,
and the smell gets stronger when he's in heat.
- the movie Michael

A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler

Love is like an hourglass,
with the heart filling up as the brain empties.
- Jules Renard

When you are courting a nice girl
an hour seems like a second.
When you sit on a red-hot cinder
a second seems like an hour.
That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein

If I had known what it would be like to have it all -
I might have been willing to settle for less.
- Lily Tomlin

I think you're the opposite of a paranoid.
I think you go around with the insane delusion that people like you.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

Personally, I'm always ready to learn,
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill

Politics is like football; if you see daylight, go through the hole.
- John F. Kennedy

Advice is seldom welcome,
and those who need it the most, like it the least.
- Lord Chesterfield

I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man,
and I hate people like that!
- Tom Lehrer

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute and it
seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour
and it seems like a minute. That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein

True love is like ghosts,
which everyone talks about and few have seen.
- Francois de La Rochefoucauld

You can always tell when a man's well informed.
His views are pretty much like your own.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

Too many people spend money they haven't earned,
to buy things they don't want,
to impress people they don't like.
- Will Rogers

I have spent many years of my life in opposition,
and I rather like the role.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

When life is like a slippery downhill slope,
go skiing and scream Whee... all the way down.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Technological progress is like an axe
in the hands of a pathological criminal.
- Albert Einstein

I want a girl just like good old mom,
who is different in every way.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Procrastination is like a credit card:
it's a lot of fun until you get the bill.
- Christopher Parker

Being a leader is like being a lady,
if you have to go around telling people you are one, you aren't.
- Margaret Thatcher

I don't like to think of laws
as rules you have to follow,
but more as suggestions.
- George Carlin

I'm sure we all agree that we ought to love one another
and I know there are people in the world
that do not love their fellow human beings
and I HATE people like that.
- Tom Lehrer

Computers are like Old Testament gods;
lots of rules and no mercy.
- Joseph Campbell

Please sign up on the form below to receive
my Free Daily Inspiration - Daily Quotes email.

May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Funny Quotes

Follow my Humorous yet Insightful Quote of the Day by Email:

Funny Quotes about Complaining

Funny Quotes