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Funny Quotes about Life
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Funny Quotes about Clinging

What is the appropriate behavior for a man or a woman
in the midst of this world,
where each person is clinging to his piece of debris?
What's the proper salutation between people
as they pass each other in this flood?
- The Buddha

The moment you become miserly you are closed
to the basic phenomenon of life: expansion, sharing.
The moment you start clinging to things,
you have missed the target.
Because things are not the target,
you, your innermost being, is the target -
not a beautiful house, but a beautiful you;
not much money, but a rich you;
not many things, but an open being,
available to millions of things.
- Osho

When one has nothing to lose, one becomes courageous.
We are timid only when
there is something we can still cling to.
- Carlos Castaneda

We cling to our own point of view,
as though everything depended on it.
Yet our opinions have no permanence;
like autumn and winter, they gradually pass away.
- Zhuangzi

I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner

If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)

Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer

No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.
- George Carlin

One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash

There's a couple of things they don't teach you
in Harvard Business School,
one is how to cope with defeat,
the other is how to handle a shotgun.
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)

Everyone should have at least two friends -
one to talk to and one to talk about.
- Anonymous

One great thing about getting old is that
you can get out of all sorts of social obligations
just by saying you're too tired.
- George Carlin

Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek

One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill

When two people decide to get a divorce,
it isn't a sign that they "don't understand" one another,
but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.
- Helen Rowland

One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends
is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin

One good Husband is worth two good Wives;
for the scarcer things are, the more they're valued.
- Benjamin Franklin

You're already a bastard.
Might as well be an enlightened one.
- the movie Simon Birch

Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous

Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire

You know, it takes two to get one in trouble.
- the movie She Done Him Wrong (1933)

No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective

One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain

One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein

Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
- H. L. Mencken

You ask me if I keep a notebook
to record my great ideas.
I've only ever had one.
- Albert Einstein

It is a truth universally acknowledged that
when one part of your life starts going okay,
another falls spectacularly to pieces.
- the movie Bridget Jones Diary

Oh, if only God would give me some sign.
If He would just speak to me once. Anything.
One sentence. Two words. If He would just cough.
- the movie Love and Death

A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next
to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles

The most difficult phase of life
is not when no one understands you,
it is when you don't understand yourself.
- Anonymous

If someone had told me I would be Pope one day,
I would have studied harder.
- Pope John Paul I

There are three hundred and sixty-four days
when you might get un-birthday presents,
and only one for birthday presents, you know.
- Lewis Carroll

If Christ were here now there is one thing
he would not be - a Christian.
- Mark Twain

My father and he had one of those English friendships
which begins by avoiding the intimacies
and eventually eliminates speech altogether.
- Jorge Luis Borges

I've developed a new philosophy...
I only dread one day at a time.
- the character Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts comic

Science is a wonderful thing
if one does not have to earn one's living at it.
- Albert Einstein

She drove me to drink.
That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for.
- the movie Never Give a Sucker an Even Break

That's the secret to life . . .
replace one worry with another.
- Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts

Never stir up litigation.
A worse man can scarcely be found than one who does this.
- Abraham Lincoln

Let your sympathies and your compassion
be always with the under dog in the fight -
this is magnanimity;
but bet on the other one - this is business.
- Mark Twain

A New Year's resolution is something that
goes in one Year and out the other.
- Anonymous

In order to be an immaculate member of a flock of sheep,
one must above all be a sheep oneself.
- Albert Einstein

If God listened to the prayers of men,
all men would quickly have perished:
for they are forever praying for evil against one another.
- Epicurus

A little girl at the wedding afterwards asked her mother
why the bride changed her mind.
What do you mean? responded her mother.
Well, she went down the aisle with one man,
and came back with another.
- Anonymous

Being a leader is like being a lady,
if you have to go around telling people you are one, you aren't.
- Margaret Thatcher

Life is just one damned thing after another.
- Elbert Hubbard (Philistine - A Periodical of Protest, 1896)

A fanatic is one who can't change his mind
and won't change the subject.
- Winston Churchill

A true friend is one who
overlooks your failures
and tolerates your success.
- Doug Larson

In life you are given two ends;
one to think with and the other to sit on.
Your success in life depends on which end you use most.
Heads you win, tails you lose.
- Conrad Burns

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism.
To steal from many is research.
- Anonymous

There is only one thing about which I am certain,
and that is that there is very little
about which one can be certain.
- W. Somerset Maugham

One should never trust a woman who tells her real age.
If she tells that, she'll tell anything.
- Oscar Wilde

When written in Chinese, the word "crisis"
is composed of two characters.
One represents danger and the other represents opportunity.
- John F. Kennedy

Remember, if you ever need a helping hand,
you'll find one at the end of your arm.
- Audrey Hepburn

Principles have no real force except when one is well-fed.
- Mark Twain

I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful,
natural, wholesome things that money can buy.
- Steve Martin

The reason I talk to myself is because
I'm the only one whose answers I accept.
- George Carlin

One does not discover new lands without consenting
to lose sight of the shore for a very long time.
- Andre Gide

I'm sure we all agree that we ought to love one another
and I know there are people in the world
that do not love their fellow human beings
and I HATE people like that.
- Tom Lehrer

When all think alike, no one is thinking very much.
- Walter Lippmann

He who loves 50 people has 50 woes;
he who loves no one has no woes.
- The Buddha

I find that principles have no real force
except when one is well fed.
- Mark Twain

The best thing about the future is
that it comes one day at a time.
- Abraham Lincoln

Tombs are the clothes of the dead.
A grave is a plain suit;
while an expensive monument is one with embroidery.
- R. Buckminster Fuller

One of the greatest pains to human nature is the pain of a new idea.
- Walter Bagehot

Faced with the choice between changing one's mind
and proving that there is no need to do so,
almost everyone gets busy on the proof.
- John Kenneth Galbraith

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.
- Oscar Wilde

The worst government is often the most moral.
One composed of cynics is often very tolerant and humane.
But when fanatics are on top there is no limit to oppression.
- H. L. Mencken

Stories of imagination tend to upset those without one.
- Terry Pratchett

One minute you're in the lunchroom at Glenwood High
and you ... blink and you're 40,
you blink again and you can see movies
at half price on a senior citizen's pass.
Ask not for whom the bell tolls, or to put it more accurately,
ask not for whom the toilet flushes.
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity

A good indignation brings out all one's powers.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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