Funny Quotes about Checkout

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand

Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer

"It's not that important,
don't worry about it" is the answer,
now what was the question?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

It's not the size of the dog in the fight,
it's the size of the fight in the dog.
- Mark Twain

The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death

Two things are infinite:
the universe and human stupidity;
and I'm not sure about the universe.
- Albert Einstein

Yeah I called her up. She gave me a bunch of ...
about me not listening to her, or something.
I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.
- the movie Dumb & Dumber (1994)

Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West

Personally, I'm always ready to learn,
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill

Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek

In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland

It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous

It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel

No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous

The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

DON'T get officious.
You're not yourself when you're officious -
That is the curse of a government job.
- the movie Harold and Maude (1971)

I'm not talking about lust.
A woman in lust wants chocolate.
A woman in love wants diamonds.
- the movie How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days

Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed.
But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops.
Uh, depending on the breaks.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove

I'm not used to feeling so human.
Is it always like this?
- Edward, from Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer

Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire

I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln

Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.
- Will Rogers

Marriage is a fine institution -
but I'm not ready for an institution yet.
- Mae West

Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
- Albert Einstein

Do not speak to me of rules.
This is war! This is not a game of cricket!
- from the movie The Bridge On The River Kwai

Only two things are infinite,
the universe and human stupidity,
and I'm not sure about the former.
- Albert Einstein

When I want to be bold about my movement ...
I for sure do not call it exercise!
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us.
- Marianne Williamson

Too often the strong, silent man is silent only because
he does not know what to say, and is reputed strong
only because he has remained silent.
- Winston Churchill

As far as the laws of mathematics
refer to reality, they are not certain,
and as far as they are certain,
they do not refer to reality.
- Albert Einstein

The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet
and steady and loyal and enduring a nature
that it will last through a whole lifetime,
if not asked to lend money.
- Mark Twain

The man who does not read good books
has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
- Mark Twain

The church is always trying to get other people to reform;
it might not be a bad idea to reform itself a little,
by way of example.
- Mark Twain

Confused Memories of Childhood:
Hate to my father, cruel hate,
confused with love - a mix not great.
The man I love - the man I hate;
the man I want to emulate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

For centuries, theologians have been explaining
the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
- H. L. Mencken

Genius may have its limitations,
but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
- Elbert Hubbard

Normal is not something to aspire to,
it's something to get away from.
- Jodie Foster

The existence of an anthropomorphic
"Father-figure" deity is not impossible,
merely exceptionally improbable and illogical.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

One does not discover new lands without consenting
to lose sight of the shore for a very long time.
- Andre Gide

The only advantage of not being too good a housekeeper
is that your guests are so pleased
to feel how very much better they are.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

I do not believe that civilization will be wiped out
in a war fought with the atomic bomb.
Perhaps two-thirds of the people of the earth will be killed.
- Albert Einstein

If you can not answer a man's argument,
all is not lost; you can still call him vile names.
- Elbert Hubbard

The objection to Puritans is not that
they try to make us think as they do,
but that they try to make us do as they think.
- H. L. Mencken

I want to be the white man's brother, not his brother-in-law.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

A loyal friend laughs at your jokes
when they're not so good,
and sympathizes with your problems
when they're not so bad.
- Arnold H. Glasgow

One minute you're in the lunchroom at Glenwood High
and you ... blink and you're 40,
you blink again and you can see movies
at half price on a senior citizen's pass.
Ask not for whom the bell tolls, or to put it more accurately,
ask not for whom the toilet flushes.
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity

It's not much of a tail, but I'm sort of attached to it.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)

A positive attitude may not solve all your problems,
but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
- Herm Albright

The most difficult phase of life
is not when no one understands you,
it is when you don't understand yourself.
- Anonymous

I do not fear death.
I had been dead for billions and billions
of years before I was born,
and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.
- Mark Twain

Do not take life too seriously.
You will never get out of it alive.
- Elbert Hubbard

I am always ready to learn
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill

My advice to you is get married:
if you find a good wife you'll be happy;
if not, you'll become a philosopher.
- Socrates

For those who do not think,
it is best at least to rearrange
their prejudices once in a while.
- Luther Burbank

Belief is not the beginning but the end of all knowledge.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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