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Funny Quotes about Bells

True love comes quietly,
without banners or flashing lights.
If you hear bells, get your ears checked.
- Erich Segal

Ring out the old, ring in the new,
Ring, happy bells, across the snow:
The year is going, let him go;
Ring out the false, ring in the true.
- Alfred, Lord Tennyson

One minute you're in the lunchroom at Glenwood High
and you ... blink and you're 40,
you blink again and you can see movies
at half price on a senior citizen's pass.
Ask not for whom the bell tolls, or to put it more accurately,
ask not for whom the toilet flushes.
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity

Every time you hear a bell ring,
it means that some angel's just got his wings.
- It's a Wonderful Life (1946 movie)

One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein

It is any day better to stand erect
with a broken and bandaged head
then to crawl on one's belly,
in order to be able to save one's head.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

He didn't come out of my belly, but my God,
I've made his bones, because I've attended to every meal,
and how he sleeps,
and the fact that he swims like a fish
because I took him to the ocean.
I'm so proud of all those things.
But he is my biggest pride.
- John Lennon

I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner

Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer

If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)

When two people decide to get a divorce,
it isn't a sign that they "don't understand" one another,
but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.
- Helen Rowland

One good Husband is worth two good Wives;
for the scarcer things are, the more they're valued.
- Benjamin Franklin

No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.
- George Carlin

One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill

One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash

One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends
is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin

You're already a bastard.
Might as well be an enlightened one.
- the movie Simon Birch

You know, it takes two to get one in trouble.
- the movie She Done Him Wrong (1933)

A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next
to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles

No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective

One great thing about getting old is that
you can get out of all sorts of social obligations
just by saying you're too tired.
- George Carlin

Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous

Everyone should have at least two friends -
one to talk to and one to talk about.
- Anonymous

It is a truth universally acknowledged that
when one part of your life starts going okay,
another falls spectacularly to pieces.
- the movie Bridget Jones Diary

Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek

You ask me if I keep a notebook
to record my great ideas.
I've only ever had one.
- Albert Einstein

Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
- H. L. Mencken

Oh, if only God would give me some sign.
If He would just speak to me once. Anything.
One sentence. Two words. If He would just cough.
- the movie Love and Death

One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain

There's a couple of things they don't teach you
in Harvard Business School,
one is how to cope with defeat,
the other is how to handle a shotgun.
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)

Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire

Remember, if you ever need a helping hand,
you'll find one at the end of your arm.
- Audrey Hepburn

One can never consent to creep when one feels the impulse to soar.
- Helen Keller

Question with boldness even the existence of a God;
because, if there be one, he must more approve of the homage of reason,
than that of blind-folded fear.
- Thomas Jefferson

A good indignation brings out all one's powers.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

You can always do one thing less than you think you can.
- Anonymous

There is only one thing about which I am certain,
and that is that there is very little
about which one can be certain.
- W. Somerset Maugham

My father and he had one of those English friendships
which begins by avoiding the intimacies
and eventually eliminates speech altogether.
- Jorge Luis Borges

If Christ were here now there is one thing
he would not be - a Christian.
- Mark Twain

Life is just one damned thing after another.
- Elbert Hubbard (Philistine - A Periodical of Protest, 1896)

He who loves 50 people has 50 woes;
he who loves no one has no woes.
- The Buddha

There are three hundred and sixty-four days
when you might get un-birthday presents,
and only one for birthday presents, you know.
- Lewis Carroll

Every one desires to live long,
but no one would be old.
- Abraham Lincoln

One man's "magic" is another man's engineering.
"Supernatural" is a null word.
- Robert A. Heinlein

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
- Abraham Lincoln

When all think alike, no one is thinking very much.
- Walter Lippmann

One should always be in love.
That is the reason one should never marry.
- Oscar Wilde

A fanatic is one who can't change his mind
and won't change the subject.
- Winston Churchill

I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful,
natural, wholesome things that money can buy.
- Steve Martin

One should never trust a woman who tells her real age.
If she tells that, she'll tell anything.
- Oscar Wilde

Being a leader is like being a lady,
if you have to go around telling people you are one, you aren't.
- Margaret Thatcher

One of the greatest pains to human nature is the pain of a new idea.
- Walter Bagehot

When written in Chinese, the word "crisis"
is composed of two characters.
One represents danger and the other represents opportunity.
- John F. Kennedy

I find that principles have no real force
except when one is well fed.
- Mark Twain

The rite of the rings appeals yet appalls:
a cutting, a joining, a losing, a gaining.
One becomes half, as two become one.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.
- Oscar Wilde

The best thing about the future is
that it comes one day at a time.
- Abraham Lincoln

The most difficult phase of life
is not when no one understands you,
it is when you don't understand yourself.
- Anonymous

I begin with the principle that all men are bores.
Surely no one will prove himself
so great a bore as to contradict me in this.
- Soren Kierkegaard

A New Year's resolution is something that
goes in one Year and out the other.
- Anonymous

Stories of imagination tend to upset those without one.
- Terry Pratchett

One's first love is always perfect
until one meets one's second love.
- Elizabeth Aston

The best way to appreciate your job
is to imagine yourself without one.
- Oscar Wilde

The worst government is often the most moral.
One composed of cynics is often very tolerant and humane.
But when fanatics are on top there is no limit to oppression.
- H. L. Mencken

If someone had told me I would be Pope one day,
I would have studied harder.
- Pope John Paul I

Science is a wonderful thing
if one does not have to earn one's living at it.
- Albert Einstein

The reason I talk to myself is because
I'm the only one whose answers I accept.
- George Carlin

"Appeasement" is the policy of feeding your friends to a crocodile,
one at a time, in hopes that the crocodile will eat you last.
- Franklin D. Roosevelt

Education is a method whereby
one acquires a higher grade of prejudices.
- Laurence J. Peter

The essence of all religions is one.
Only their approaches are different.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

No one was ever named "Hero" for following the crowd.
Heroes set their own course.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.