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Funny Quotes about Axe

Technological progress is like an axe
in the hands of a pathological criminal.
- Albert Einstein

Give me six hours to chop down a tree
and I will spend the first four sharpening the axe.
- Abraham Lincoln

You can't stop the music, nobody can stop the music.
- Village People PHOTO

He who rejects change is the architect of decay.
- Harold Wilson

Coming together is a beginning;
keeping together is progress;
working together is success.
- Henry Ford

Human progress is neither automatic nor inevitable...
Every step toward the goal of justice
requires sacrifice, suffering, and struggle;
the tireless exertions and
passionate concern of dedicated individuals.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Our progress as a nation can be no swifter
than our progress in education.
The human mind is our fundamental resource.
- John F. Kennedy

Progress is impossible without change,
and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.
- George Bernard Shaw

Honest disagreement is often a good sign of progress.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

The best road to progress is freedom's road.
- John F. Kennedy

The natural progress of things is for liberty
to yield and government to gain ground.
- Thomas Jefferson

We may never be strong enough to be entirely
nonviolent in thought, word and deed.
But we must keep nonviolence as our goal
and make strong progress towards it.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

All progress is precarious, and the solution
of one problem brings us face to face with another problem.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Healthy discontent is the prelude to progress.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

I was taught that the way of progress
is neither swift nor easy.
- Marie Curie

Social progress can be measured
by the social position of the female sex.
- Karl Marx
(German philosopher and political economist
whose ideas are credited as the foundation of modern communism)

If virtue promises happiness, prosperity and peace,
then progress in virtue is progress in each of these
for to whatever point the perfection of anything brings us,
progress is always an approach toward it.
- Epictetus

Every optimist moves along with progress and hastens it,
while every pessimist would keep the worlds at a standstill.
The consequence of pessimism in the life of a nation
is the same as in the life of the individual.
Pessimism kills the instinct that
urges men to struggle against poverty,
ignorance and crime, and dries up
all the fountains of joy in the world.
- Helen Keller

Law and order exist for the purpose of establishing justice
and when they fail in this purpose
they become the dangerously structured dams
that block the flow of social progress.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

I believe in intuition and inspiration.
Imagination is more important than knowledge.
For knowledge is limited,
whereas imagination embraces the entire world,
stimulating progress, giving birth to evolution.
It is, strictly speaking, a real factor in scientific research.
- Albert Einstein

I am not an advocate for frequent changes in laws and constitutions,
but laws and institutions must go hand in hand
with the progress of the human mind.
As that becomes more developed, more enlightened,
as new discoveries are made, new truths discovered
and manners and opinions change, with the change of circumstances,
institutions must advance also to keep pace with the times.
- Thomas Jefferson [inscribed in the Jefferson Memorial]

In my case, Pilgrim's Progress consisted
in my having to climb down a thousand ladders
until I could reach out my hand
to the little clod of earth that I am.
- Carl Jung

False facts are highly injurious to the progress of science,
for they often endure long; but false views,
if supported by some evidence, do little harm,
for every one takes a salutary pleasure in proving their falseness.
- Charles Darwin

I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living;
the world owes you nothing; it was here first.
- Mark Twain

Yesterday is like a dung heap;
you can complain about the smell,
or you can use it to fertilize tomorrow's garden.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

However beautiful the strategy,
you should occasionally look at the results.
- Winston Churchill

If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)

If you do what you've always done,
you'll get what you always got.
- Mark Twain

Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer

It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed)

Now, if you don't mind, I'd appreciate it if you could lower your wand.
- the movie Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

Of all the things that could frighten you,
you worry about my driving?
- Edward, from Twilight saga by Stephenie Meyer

He early on let her know who is the boss.
He looked her right in the eye and clearly said, "You're the boss."
- Anonymous humor

To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the wedding cup,
Whenever you're wrong, admit it;
Whenever you're right, shut up.
- Ogden Nash

If at first you don't succeed,
skydiving is not for you.
- Anonymous

When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain

Will the people in the cheaper seats clap your hands?
And the rest of you, if you'll just rattle your jewelry.
- John Lennon

Always remember the three magic words: You're right dear.
- Anonymous

A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend -
and he's a priest.
- Erma Bombeck

You'll live to be a hundred if you give up
all the things that make you want to.
- the movie Interiors

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell -
you see, I have friends in both places.
- Mark Twain

There's no reason to become alarmed,
and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight.
By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?
- the movie Airplane!

You know, it takes two to get one in trouble.
- the movie She Done Him Wrong (1933)

When your friends begin to flatter
you on how young you look,
it's a sure sign you're getting old.
- Mark Twain

No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective

You're already a bastard.
Might as well be an enlightened one.
- the movie Simon Birch

There's a couple of things they don't teach you
in Harvard Business School,
one is how to cope with defeat,
the other is how to handle a shotgun.
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)

I think you're the opposite of a paranoid.
I think you go around with the insane delusion that people like you.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

When you are courting a nice girl
an hour seems like a second.
When you sit on a red-hot cinder
a second seems like an hour.
That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein

If love is the answer,
could you please rephrase the question.
- Lily Tomlin

A relationship, I think, is like a shark.
You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall (1977)

Life's like Vegas. You're up, you're down,
but in the end the house always wins.
Doesn't mean you didn't have fun.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog.
- Harry S. Truman

The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

(Groom), take (Bride)'s hand and place your hand over hers.
Now, remember this moment and cherish it...
because this will be the last time you ever have the upper hand.
- Anonymous

There are two things that are more difficult
than making an after-dinner speech:
climbing a wall which is leaning toward you
and kissing a girl who is leaning away from you.
- Winston Churchill

Afraid? Me? A man who's licked
his weight in wild caterpillars?
Afraid? You bet I'm afraid!
- Groucho Marx

Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

When everything comes your way
you're in the wrong lane.
- Anonymous

To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
- Erma Bombeck

Where did you park the invisible car?
- the movie Megamind (2010)

You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle

The worst part of success is to try to find
someone who is happy for you.
- Bette Midler

New Yorkers love it when you spill your guts out there.
Spill your guts at Wimbledon and they make you stop and clean it up.
- Jimmy Carter

When I first saw you, I thought you were handsome.
Then, of course, you spoke.
- the movie As Good As It Gets (1997)

You can put wings on a pig,
but you don't make it an eagle.
- William J. Clinton

Oh no, I can't do anything to the death.
Doctor's orders. You see, I have this ulcer condition,
and death is the worst thing for it.
- the movie Love and Death

You know what? Maybe there's a good reason
donkeys shouldn't talk.
- the movie Shrek (2001)

If you don't know where you are going,
you might wind up someplace else.
- Yogi Berra


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.