Enter one or two keywords to search these Funny Quotes.

Hint: keep it simple, like life twain

Funny Quotes about Life
Funny Quotes about Life | Funny Love Quotes | About
Search:   A-   B-   Ca-   Co-   D-   E-   F-   G-   H-    I-    J-K-L   M-   N-O   Pa-   Pr-   Q-R   Sa-   Sk-   T-   U-V-W-X-Y-Z
Follow my Humorous yet Insightful Quote of the Day by Email:

Funny Quotes about Atlantic

I always seem to get inspiration and renewed vitality
by contact with this great novel land of yours
which sticks up out of the Atlantic.
- Winston Churchill

No matter how much cats fight,
there always seem to be plenty of kittens.
- Abraham Lincoln

Nothing makes the earth seem so spacious
as to have friends at a distance;
they make the latitudes and the longitudes.
- Henry David Thoreau

Oh, Shrek. Don't worry.
Things just seem bad because it's dark and rainy
and Fiona's father hired a sleazy hitman to whack you.
- the movie Shrek 2

Some things will never seem adequate
no matter how hard we try.
- from the movie White Man's Burden

As for doing good; that is one of the professions which is full.
Moreover I have tried it fairly and, strange as it may seem,
am satisfied that it does not agree with my constitution.
- Henry David Thoreau

If you would convince others,
seem open to conviction yourself.
- Lord Chesterfield

We are strange beings, we seem
to go free, but we go in chains -
chains of training, custom, convention,
association, environment -
in a word, Circumstance -
and against these bonds
the strongest of us struggle in vain.
- Mark Twain

Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does.
Love is a battle, love is a war; love is a growing up.
- James A. Baldwin

You are braver than you believe,
stronger than you seem,
and smarter than you think.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)

People seem not to see that
their opinion of the world
is also a confession of character.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Things are seldom what they seem.
- William S. Gilbert (Gilbert and Sullivan: HMS Pinafore)

Too many people are thinking of security
instead of opportunity.
They seem more afraid of life than death.
- James F. Bymes

Whatever you do may seem insignificant to you,
but it is most important that you do it.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

What you seem to be, be really.
- Benjamin Franklin

Ordinary people seem not to realize
that those who really apply themselves
in the right way to philosophy
are directly and of their own accord
preparing themselves for dying and death.
- Socrates

Be as you wish to seem.
- Socrates

I am an optimist.
It does not seem too much use being anything else.
- Winston Churchill

People that seem so glorious are all show;
underneath they are like everyone else.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

I find that the harder I work,
the more luck I seem to have.
- Thomas Jefferson

People do not seem to realize that
their opinion of the world
is also a confession of character.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Men kick friendship around like a football,
but it doesn't seem to crack.
Women treat it like glass and it goes to pieces.
- Anne Morrow Lindbergh

If I seem to boast more than is becoming,
my excuse is that I brag
for humanity rather than for myself.
- Henry David Thoreau

Nothing I say can explain to you Divine Love
Yet all of creation cannot seem to stop talking about it.
- Rumi

When I despair, I remember that all through history
the way of truth and love has always won.
There have been tyrants and murderers and
for a time they seem invincible,
but in the end, they always fall ... think of it, always.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Living the Unconcerned Life is living
a life without anxiety or worry -
especially in those situations where anxiety and worry
would seem to be expected and "natural."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

In all things and in all ways,
choice impacts virtually every element of our life.
It bears repeating that even those things
which seem out of reach of our choice
are governed by how we choose to perceive them.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

It's really a wonder that I haven't dropped all my ideals,
because they seem so absurd and impossible to carry out.
Yet I keep them, because in spite of everything
I still believe that people are really good at heart.
- Anne Frank

If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together...
there is something you must always remember.
You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem,
and smarter than you think.
But the most important thing is, even if we're apart...
I'll always be with you.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)

Don't fall for looks, they can deceive.
Don't fall for wealth, in the end it fades away.
Find someone who makes you smile
because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright.
- Anonymous

Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer

When I eventually met Mr. Right
I had no idea that his first name was Always.
- Rita Rudner

Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed.
But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops.
Uh, depending on the breaks.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove

Oh no, I can't do anything to the death.
Doctor's orders. You see, I have this ulcer condition,
and death is the worst thing for it.
- the movie Love and Death

Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.
- the movie National Lampoon's Animal House (1978)

No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective

One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain

I have no fear of the gallows ... They're going to shoot me.
- the movie Love and Death

A honeymoon should be like a table:
four bare legs and no drawers.
- Anonymous

Television has a real problem. They have no page two.
- Art Buchwald

And you just gotta remember, Sparky -
no matter what they tell you - you can NEVER have too much sugar.
- the movie Michael (1996)

There's no reason to become alarmed,
and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight.
By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?
- the movie Airplane!

No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.
- George Carlin

A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler

Marriage has no guarantees.
If that's what you're looking for,
go live with a car battery.
- Erma Bombeck

No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous

The way to silence religious disputes is to take no notice of them.
- Thomas Jefferson

There is no such thing as public opinion.
There is only published opinion.
- Winston Churchill

The man who does not read good books
has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
- Mark Twain

No problem is so formidable that
you can't walk away from it.
- Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts

Less is only more where more is no good.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

An excellent man;
he has no enemies;
and none of his friends like him.
- Oscar Wilde

Science may have found a cure for most evils;
but it has found no remedy for the worst of them all -
the apathy of human beings.
- Helen Keller

The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears,
for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
- Albert Einstein

He who loves 50 people has 50 woes;
he who loves no one has no woes.
- The Buddha

As soon as someone is identified as an unsung hero,
he no longer is.
- George Carlin

Early in life I had to choose between honest arrogance
and hypocritical humility.
I chose the former and have seen no reason to change.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

It is the things for which there is no evidence
that are believed with passion.
- Bertrand Russell

You have no values. With you its all nihilism,
cynicism, sarcasm, and orgasm.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

The most difficult phase of life
is not when no one understands you,
it is when you don't understand yourself.
- Anonymous

Clothes make the man.
Naked people have little or no influence on society.
- Mark Twain

Random chance seems to have operated in our favor ...
there was no deity involved.
- Spock character in the Star Trek television series

The worst government is often the most moral.
One composed of cynics is often very tolerant and humane.
But when fanatics are on top there is no limit to oppression.
- H. L. Mencken

I once had a rose named after me
and I was very flattered.
But I was not pleased to read
the description in the catalogue:
no good in a bed, but fine up against a wall.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.
- Oscar Wilde

I find that principles have no real force
except when one is well fed.
- Mark Twain

Principles have no real force except when one is well-fed.
- Mark Twain

Computers are like Old Testament gods;
lots of rules and no mercy.
- Joseph Campbell

There is no use whatsoever trying to help
people who do not help themselves.
You cannot push anyone up a ladder
unless he is willing to climb himself.
- Andrew Carnegie

I begin with the principle that all men are bores.
Surely no one will prove himself
so great a bore as to contradict me in this.
- Soren Kierkegaard

The universe we observe has precisely
the properties we should expect
if there is, at bottom, no design,
no purpose, no evil, no good,
nothing but blind, pitiless indifference.
- Charles Darwin


Please sign up on the form below to receive
my Free Daily Inspiration - Daily Quotes email.

You can also search my large collection of Funny Quotes.

May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Funny Quotes

 


All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.