Funny Quotes about Americans

The cost of freedom is always high,
but Americans have always paid it.
And one path we shall never choose,
and that is the path of surrender, or submission.
- John F. Kennedy

And so, my fellow Americans,
ask not what your country can do for you;
ask what you can do for your country.
- John F. Kennedy

Let the word go forth from this time and place,
to friend and foe alike,
that the torch has been passed
to a new generation of Americans -
born in this century, tempered by war,
disciplined by a hard and bitter peace.
- John F. Kennedy

The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American
recently passed each other in opposite directions.
- George Carlin

Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public.
- H. L. Mencken

I was born on the prairies where the wind blew free
and there was nothing to break the light of the sun.
I was born where there were no enclosures.
- Geronimo

I hope that no American will waste his franchise
and throw away his vote
by voting either for me or against me solely
on account of my religious affiliation. It is not relevant.
- John F. Kennedy

I can think of nothing more boring for the American people
than to have to sit in their living rooms for a whole half hour
looking at my face on their television screens.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

Treat the earth well.
It was not given to you by your parents,
it was loaned to you by your children.
We do not inherit the Earth from our Ancestors,
we borrow it from our Children.
- Native American traditional

When we make college more affordable,
we make the American dream more achievable.
- William J. Clinton

How does it become a man to behave
towards the American government today?
I answer, that he cannot without disgrace be associated with it.
- Henry David Thoreau

I deplore the need or the use of troops anywhere
to get American citizens to obey
the orders of constituted courts.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

If there is one principle more deeply rooted
in the mind of every American,
it is that we should have nothing to do with conquest.
- Thomas Jefferson

We are not afraid to entrust the American people with unpleasant facts,
foreign ideas, alien philosophies, and competitive values.
For a nation that is afraid to let its people judge
the truth and falsehood in an open market
is a nation that is afraid of its people.
- John F. Kennedy

Treat the earth well,
It was not given to you by your parents,
It was loaned to you by your children.
- Native American Proverb

We do not inherit the Earth from our ancestors,
we borrow it from our children.
- Native American Proverb

What has happened at Guantanamo Bay...
does not represent the will of the American people.
I'm embarrassed about it, I think its wrong.
I think it does give terrorists an unwarranted excuse
to use the despicable means to hurt innocent people.
- Jimmy Carter

I give you this one thought to keep -
I am with you still - I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am the sunlight on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush,
I am the sweet uplifting rush,
of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft starts that shine at night.
Do not think of me as gone -
I am with you still in each new dawn.
- Traditional Native American Prayer

Life ... full of loneliness, and misery,
and suffering, and unhappiness,
and it's all over much too quickly.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall

Life is like jumping out of an airplane without a parachute -
only the last couple seconds are fatal,
but most people are scared to death the whole way down.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Life is like a ten speed bicycle.
Most of us have gears we never use.
- Charles M. Schulz

The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all
is the person who argues with him.
- Stanislaw Jerszy Lec

I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner

Life's like Vegas. You're up, you're down,
but in the end the house always wins.
Doesn't mean you didn't have fun.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

Morality is simply the attitude we adopt
towards people whom we personally dislike.
- Oscar Wilde

It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed)

The difference between school and life?
In school, you're taught a lesson and then given a test.
In life, you're given a test that teaches you a lesson.
- Tom Bodett

To the young child, all life is a great adventure -
when did we grow so dull and brittle.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The most difficult phase of life
is not when no one understands you,
it is when you don't understand yourself.
- Anonymous

No matter how much cats fight,
there always seem to be plenty of kittens.
- Abraham Lincoln

Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born
at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.
- Mark Twain

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
- Oscar Wilde

Life is defined more by its contrasts than its samenesses;
Life is defined more by its risks than the many securities.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

In the book of life, the answers aren't in the back.
- Charles M. Schulz in his Peanuts cartoon

The power of man has grown in every sphere, except over himself.
- Winston Churchill

I have found that if you love life,
life will love you back.
- Arthur Rubinstein

Knowing your own darkness is the best method
for dealing with the darknesses of other people.
- Carl Jung

Life is lived in the living.
Set aside convention, caution,
and arbitrary "rules" about how
life is supposed to be lived.
Choose! Explore! Adventure!
Live life to the fullest.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

You don't have the power to make life "fair,"
but you do have the power to make life joyful.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.
- the movie National Lampoon's Animal House (1978)

Time, like life itself, has no inherent meaning.
We give our own meaning to time as to life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Feeling sorry for yourself, and your present condition,
is not only a waste of energy
but the worst habit you could possibly have.
- Dale Carnegie

Bringing a childlike wonder
and a beginner's mind to life
maximizes both success and joy.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Happiness is a figment of the imagination.
Imagine happiness.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer
but wish we didn't.
- Erica Jong

The essence of life is not in
the great victories and grand failures,
but in the simple joys.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Please sign up on the form below to receive
my Free Daily Inspiration - Daily Quotes email.

May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Funny Quotes

Follow my Humorous yet Insightful Quote of the Day by Email:

Funny Quotes about Americans

Funny Quotes