Funny Quotes about Accordingly

God has no religion.
Each one prays to God according to his own light.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Seriousness is a sickness; your sense of humor
makes you more human, more humble.
The sense of humor - according to me -
is one of the most essential parts of religiousness.
- Osho

You can't move so fast that you try to change
the mores faster than people can accept it.
That doesn't mean you do nothing,
but it means that you do the things that
need to be done according to priority.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

Rightful liberty is unobstructed action according to our will
within limits drawn around us by the equal rights of others.
I do not add "within the limits of the law"
because law is often but the tyrant's will,
and always so when it violates the rights of the individual.
- Thomas Jefferson

Most of us believe that we have
been betrayed by someone outside of us -
in other words someone has done something to hurt us,
been dishonest or broken a promise made:
some trust in some concept was broken.
Indeed someone may have taken an action
that took only their needs into consideration,
they may have not followed through on a promise made,
and they may have not told you the truth.
But their actions have nothing to do with you
and have everything to do with them.
That's why no one can do anything TO you.
They can take actions that involve you that you may not like -
according to your point of view.
But you are not a victim, no way, no how.
- Sheri Rosenthal

Today is the bridge between the past,
regarding which we unconditionally accept that
everything has occurred according to God's plan,
and a future where we place our unconditional trust
in God's omnipotence and His benevolent design for our lives.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The child in me could not die as it should have died,
because according too legends it must find its father again.
The old legends knew, perhaps, that in absence
the father becomes glorified, deified, eroticized,
and this outrage against God the Father has to be atoned for.
The human father has to be confronted and recognized as human,
as man who created a child and then, by his absence,
left the child fatherless and then Godless.
- Anais Nin

I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner

Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer

You're already a bastard.
Might as well be an enlightened one.
- the movie Simon Birch

It is a truth universally acknowledged that
when one part of your life starts going okay,
another falls spectacularly to pieces.
- the movie Bridget Jones Diary

You know, it takes two to get one in trouble.
- the movie She Done Him Wrong (1933)

Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous

When two people decide to get a divorce,
it isn't a sign that they "don't understand" one another,
but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.
- Helen Rowland

Oh, if only God would give me some sign.
If He would just speak to me once. Anything.
One sentence. Two words. If He would just cough.
- the movie Love and Death

No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective

There's a couple of things they don't teach you
in Harvard Business School,
one is how to cope with defeat,
the other is how to handle a shotgun.
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)

One great thing about getting old is that
you can get out of all sorts of social obligations
just by saying you're too tired.
- George Carlin

One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends
is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin

A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next
to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles

One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain

You ask me if I keep a notebook
to record my great ideas.
I've only ever had one.
- Albert Einstein

Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek

One good Husband is worth two good Wives;
for the scarcer things are, the more they're valued.
- Benjamin Franklin

Everyone should have at least two friends -
one to talk to and one to talk about.
- Anonymous

Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire

Thaw with her gentle persuasion is more powerful
than Thor with his hammer.
The one melts, the other breaks into pieces.
- Henry David Thoreau

One can never consent to creep when one feels the impulse to soar.
- Helen Keller

The best way to appreciate your job
is to imagine yourself without one.
- Oscar Wilde

Tombs are the clothes of the dead.
A grave is a plain suit;
while an expensive monument is one with embroidery.
- R. Buckminster Fuller

Life is just one damned thing after another.
- Elbert Hubbard (Philistine - A Periodical of Protest, 1896)

There is only one thing about which I am certain,
and that is that there is very little
about which one can be certain.
- W. Somerset Maugham

Question with boldness even the existence of a God;
because, if there be one, he must more approve of the homage of reason,
than that of blind-folded fear.
- Thomas Jefferson

I find that principles have no real force
except when one is well fed.
- Mark Twain

My father and he had one of those English friendships
which begins by avoiding the intimacies
and eventually eliminates speech altogether.
- Jorge Luis Borges

There are three hundred and sixty-four days
when you might get un-birthday presents,
and only one for birthday presents, you know.
- Lewis Carroll

If Christ were here now there is one thing
he would not be - a Christian.
- Mark Twain

Education is a method whereby
one acquires a higher grade of prejudices.
- Laurence J. Peter

Perhaps one has to be very old before one learns
to be amused rather than shocked.
- Pearl S. Buck

One man's "magic" is another man's engineering.
"Supernatural" is a null word.
- Robert A. Heinlein

I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful,
natural, wholesome things that money can buy.
- Steve Martin

One should always be in love.
That is the reason one should never marry.
- Oscar Wilde

One does not discover new lands without consenting
to lose sight of the shore for a very long time.
- Andre Gide

If God listened to the prayers of men,
all men would quickly have perished:
for they are forever praying for evil against one another.
- Epicurus

Being a leader is like being a lady,
if you have to go around telling people you are one, you aren't.
- Margaret Thatcher

I begin with the principle that all men are bores.
Surely no one will prove himself
so great a bore as to contradict me in this.
- Soren Kierkegaard

Let your sympathies and your compassion
be always with the under dog in the fight -
this is magnanimity;
but bet on the other one - this is business.
- Mark Twain

One of the greatest pains to human nature is the pain of a new idea.
- Walter Bagehot

Remember, if you ever need a helping hand,
you'll find one at the end of your arm.
- Audrey Hepburn

One minute you're in the lunchroom at Glenwood High
and you ... blink and you're 40,
you blink again and you can see movies
at half price on a senior citizen's pass.
Ask not for whom the bell tolls, or to put it more accurately,
ask not for whom the toilet flushes.
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity

One's first love is always perfect
until one meets one's second love.
- Elizabeth Aston

The best thing about the future is
that it comes one day at a time.
- Abraham Lincoln

That's the secret to life . . .
replace one worry with another.
- Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts

I'm sure we all agree that we ought to love one another
and I know there are people in the world
that do not love their fellow human beings
and I HATE people like that.
- Tom Lehrer

When written in Chinese, the word "crisis"
is composed of two characters.
One represents danger and the other represents opportunity.
- John F. Kennedy

He who loves 50 people has 50 woes;
he who loves no one has no woes.
- The Buddha

The reason I talk to myself is because
I'm the only one whose answers I accept.
- George Carlin

In order to be an immaculate member of a flock of sheep,
one must above all be a sheep oneself.
- Albert Einstein

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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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