Enter one or two keywords to search these Funny Quotes.

Hint: keep it simple, like life twain

Funny Quotes about Life
Funny Quotes about Life | Funny Love Quotes | About
Search:   A-   B-   Ca-   Co-   D-   E-   F-   G-   H-    I-    J-K-L   M-   N-O   Pa-   Pr-   Q-R   Sa-   Sk-   T-   U-V-W-X-Y-Z
Follow my Humorous yet Insightful Quote of the Day by Email:

Funny Quotes about Accordance

In great contests, each party claims to act
in accordance with the will of God.
Both may be, and one must be wrong.
- Abraham Lincoln

Do not seek to bring things to pass
in accordance with your wishes,
but wish for them as they are,
and you will find them.
- Epictetus

We each have a sixth sense that is
attuned to the oneness dimension in life,
providing a means for us to guide our lives
in accord with our ideas.
- Henry Reed

Ordinary life does not interest me.
I seek only the high moments.
I am in accord with the surrealists,
searching for the marvelous.
- Anais Nin

Ordinary people seem not to realize
that those who really apply themselves
in the right way to philosophy
are directly and of their own accord
preparing themselves for dying and death.
- Socrates

First meditate, be blissful,
then much love will happen of its own accord.
Then being with others is beautiful
and being alone is also beautiful.
Then it is simple, too.
You dont depend on others
and you dont make others dependent on you.
- Osho

All that is valuable in human society
depends upon the opportunity for development
accorded the individual.
- Albert Einstein

Each one prays to God according to his own light.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

God has no religion.
Each one prays to God according to his own light.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Nothing is evil which is according to nature.
- Marcus Aurelius

Seriousness is a sickness; your sense of humor
makes you more human, more humble.
The sense of humor - according to me -
is one of the most essential parts of religiousness.
- Osho

Let us touch the dying, the poor,
the lonely and the unwanted
according to the graces we have received
and let us not be ashamed
or slow to do the humble work.
- Mother Teresa

You can't move so fast that you try to change
the mores faster than people can accept it.
That doesn't mean you do nothing,
but it means that you do the things that
need to be done according to priority.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

Rightful liberty is unobstructed action according to our will
within limits drawn around us by the equal rights of others.
I do not add "within the limits of the law"
because law is often but the tyrant's will,
and always so when it violates the rights of the individual.
- Thomas Jefferson

Today is the bridge between the past,
regarding which we unconditionally accept that
everything has occurred according to God's plan,
and a future where we place our unconditional trust
in God's omnipotence and His benevolent design for our lives.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Most of us believe that we have
been betrayed by someone outside of us -
in other words someone has done something to hurt us,
been dishonest or broken a promise made:
some trust in some concept was broken.
Indeed someone may have taken an action
that took only their needs into consideration,
they may have not followed through on a promise made,
and they may have not told you the truth.
But their actions have nothing to do with you
and have everything to do with them.
That's why no one can do anything TO you.
They can take actions that involve you that you may not like -
according to your point of view.
But you are not a victim, no way, no how.
- Sheri Rosenthal

The child in me could not die as it should have died,
because according too legends it must find its father again.
The old legends knew, perhaps, that in absence
the father becomes glorified, deified, eroticized,
and this outrage against God the Father has to be atoned for.
The human father has to be confronted and recognized as human,
as man who created a child and then, by his absence,
left the child fatherless and then Godless.
- Anais Nin

I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner

If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)

Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer

You ask me if I keep a notebook
to record my great ideas.
I've only ever had one.
- Albert Einstein

One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash

One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain

When two people decide to get a divorce,
it isn't a sign that they "don't understand" one another,
but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.
- Helen Rowland

There's a couple of things they don't teach you
in Harvard Business School,
one is how to cope with defeat,
the other is how to handle a shotgun.
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)

You know, it takes two to get one in trouble.
- the movie She Done Him Wrong (1933)

One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein

One great thing about getting old is that
you can get out of all sorts of social obligations
just by saying you're too tired.
- George Carlin

Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous

It is a truth universally acknowledged that
when one part of your life starts going okay,
another falls spectacularly to pieces.
- the movie Bridget Jones Diary

One good Husband is worth two good Wives;
for the scarcer things are, the more they're valued.
- Benjamin Franklin

One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill

One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends
is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin

No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective

A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next
to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles

Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek

Oh, if only God would give me some sign.
If He would just speak to me once. Anything.
One sentence. Two words. If He would just cough.
- the movie Love and Death

No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.
- George Carlin

Everyone should have at least two friends -
one to talk to and one to talk about.
- Anonymous

You're already a bastard.
Might as well be an enlightened one.
- the movie Simon Birch

Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire

Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
- H. L. Mencken

One can never consent to creep when one feels the impulse to soar.
- Helen Keller

One of the greatest pains to human nature is the pain of a new idea.
- Walter Bagehot

If God listened to the prayers of men,
all men would quickly have perished:
for they are forever praying for evil against one another.
- Epicurus

Education is a method whereby
one acquires a higher grade of prejudices.
- Laurence J. Peter

The rite of the rings appeals yet appalls:
a cutting, a joining, a losing, a gaining.
One becomes half, as two become one.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

One should never know too precisely
whom one has married
- Friedrich Nietzsche

When written in Chinese, the word "crisis"
is composed of two characters.
One represents danger and the other represents opportunity.
- John F. Kennedy

I find that principles have no real force
except when one is well fed.
- Mark Twain

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.
- Oscar Wilde

A true friend is one who
overlooks your failures
and tolerates your success.
- Doug Larson

In order to be an immaculate member of a flock of sheep,
one must above all be a sheep oneself.
- Albert Einstein

I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful,
natural, wholesome things that money can buy.
- Steve Martin

All diseases run into one - old age.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Remember, if you ever need a helping hand,
you'll find one at the end of your arm.
- Audrey Hepburn

Life is just one damned thing after another.
- Elbert Hubbard (Philistine - A Periodical of Protest, 1896)

One's first love is always perfect
until one meets one's second love.
- Elizabeth Aston

Stories of imagination tend to upset those without one.
- Terry Pratchett

One does not discover new lands without consenting
to lose sight of the shore for a very long time.
- Andre Gide

Science is a wonderful thing
if one does not have to earn one's living at it.
- Albert Einstein

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism.
To steal from many is research.
- Anonymous

The greatest mistake you can make in life
is to be continually fearing you will make one.
- Elbert Hubbard

One minute you're in the lunchroom at Glenwood High
and you ... blink and you're 40,
you blink again and you can see movies
at half price on a senior citizen's pass.
Ask not for whom the bell tolls, or to put it more accurately,
ask not for whom the toilet flushes.
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity

"Appeasement" is the policy of feeding your friends to a crocodile,
one at a time, in hopes that the crocodile will eat you last.
- Franklin D. Roosevelt

Question with boldness even the existence of a God;
because, if there be one, he must more approve of the homage of reason,
than that of blind-folded fear.
- Thomas Jefferson

The reason I talk to myself is because
I'm the only one whose answers I accept.
- George Carlin

A New Year's resolution is something that
goes in one Year and out the other.
- Anonymous

If someone had told me I would be Pope one day,
I would have studied harder.
- Pope John Paul I

I've developed a new philosophy...
I only dread one day at a time.
- the character Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts comic

The best way to appreciate your job
is to imagine yourself without one.
- Oscar Wilde


Please sign up on the form below to receive
my Free Daily Inspiration - Daily Quotes email.

You can also search my large collection of Funny Quotes.

May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Funny Quotes

 


All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.