Your friend is the man who knows all about you,
and still likes you.
- Elbert Hubbard
A conservative is a man who is
too cowardly to fight and too fat to run.
- Elbert Hubbard
Do not take life too seriously.
You will never get out of it alive.
- Elbert Hubbard
If you can not answer a man's argument,
all is not lost; you can still call him vile names.
- Elbert Hubbard
The greatest mistake you can make in life
is to be continually fearing you will make one.
- Elbert Hubbard
Genius may have its limitations,
but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
- Elbert Hubbard
Life is just one damned thing after another.
- Elbert Hubbard (Philistine - A Periodical of Protest, 1896)
A friend is someone who knows all about you,
and loves you just the same.
- Elbert Hubbard
One machine can do the work of fifty ordinary men.
No machine can do the work of one extraordinary man.
- Elbert Hubbard
Our desires always disappoint us;
for though we meet with something that gives us satisfaction,
yet it never thoroughly answers our expectation.
- Elbert Hubbard
Life in abundance comes only through great love.
- Elbert Hubbard
To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, and be nothing.
- Elbert Hubbard
The sculptor produces the beautiful statue
by chipping away such parts of the marble block as are not needed -
it is a process of elimination.
- Elbert Hubbard
Friendship, like credit, is highest when it is not used.
- Elbert Hubbard
If you have health, you probably will be happy,
and if you have health and happiness,
you have all the wealth you need, even if it is not all you want.
- Elbert Hubbard
Dignity is a mask we wear to hide our ignorance.
- Elbert Hubbard
A little more persistence,
a little more effort, and
what seemed hopeless failure
may turn to glorious success.
- Elbert Hubbard
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again.
- Robert A. Heinlein
Always forgive your enemies -
nothing annoys them so much.
- Oscar Wilde
New Yorkers love it when you spill your guts out there.
Spill your guts at Wimbledon and they make you stop and clean it up.
- Jimmy Carter
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
- Albert Einstein
When your friends begin to flatter
you on how young you look,
it's a sure sign you're getting old.
- Mark Twain
A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend -
and he's a priest.
- Erma Bombeck
Here's a toast to your new bride who has everything a girl
could want in her life, except for good taste in men.
- Anonymous
Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes
in the hope of pulling out an eel.
- Leonardo da Vinci
There's no reason to become alarmed,
and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight.
By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?
- the movie Airplane!
Crazy is walking down the street
with half a cantaloupe on your head,
muttering; "I'm a hamster, I'm a hamster."
- the movie Spy Hard (1996)
Now, if you don't mind, I'd appreciate it if you could lower your wand.
- the movie Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel
To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the wedding cup,
Whenever you're wrong, admit it;
Whenever you're right, shut up.
- Ogden Nash
It is a truth universally acknowledged that
when one part of your life starts going okay,
another falls spectacularly to pieces.
- the movie Bridget Jones Diary
Look your best - who said love is blind?
- Mae West
Fasten your safety belts, clench your buttocks!
It's going be a bumpy ride!
- the movie Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (2004)
The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death
(Groom), take (Bride)'s hand and place your hand over hers.
Now, remember this moment and cherish it...
because this will be the last time you ever have the upper hand.
- Anonymous
Will the people in the cheaper seats clap your hands?
And the rest of you, if you'll just rattle your jewelry.
- John Lennon
When everything comes your way
you're in the wrong lane.
- Anonymous
When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain
Choose to soar. Choose to fly your dreams.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The only advantage of not being too good a housekeeper
is that your guests are so pleased
to feel how very much better they are.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
To go against the dominant thinking of your friends,
of most of the people you see every day,
is perhaps the most difficult act of heroism you can perform.
- Theodore H. White
As the evening beckons with the promise of tomorrow...
may your gratitude rise up and with strength answer, "yes."
- Mary Anne Radmacher
The best way to appreciate your job
is to imagine yourself without one.
- Oscar Wilde
It's a recession when your neighbor loses his job:
it's a depression when you lose yours.
- Harry S. Truman
What If Every Day Were Your Day -
Celebrate Whimsey Today.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Never let the fear of striking out get in your way.
- Babe Ruth
Love is loving what your lover loves.
- Anonymous
Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.
- Benjamin Franklin
Just remember, after they foreclose on your mortgage,
you get a lot more sunshine in your life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Stay Happy, never let anyone get your goat.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Oh, you weak, beautiful people
who give up with such grace.
What you need is someone to take hold of you -
gently, with love, and hand your life back to you.
- Tennessee Williams
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute and it
seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour
and it seems like a minute. That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein
Trust your own instinct.
Your mistakes might as well be your own,
instead of someone else's.
- Billy Wilder
A loyal friend laughs at your jokes
when they're not so good,
and sympathizes with your problems
when they're not so bad.
- Arnold H. Glasgow
Don't die with your music still inside you.
Listen to your intuitive inner voice
and find what passion stirs your soul.
- Wayne Dyer
Do not use a hatchet to remove
a fly from your friend's forehead.
- Chinese Proverb
Vengeance: "It's your fault; you must pay; you must bleed."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Though I am a servant, I am not your servant.
- Ursula K. Le Guin
Until you've lost your reputation,
you never realize what a burden it was.
- Margaret Mitchell
It is far more impressive when others
discover your good qualities without your help.
- Judith Martin
Heaven must be an awfully dull place
if your best friends end up elsewhere.
- Anonymous
This is serious, get out your magic wand.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
You are Never Too Old to Give or Get Gold Stars.
Show Your Honest Appreciation - Today.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
You can safely assume that you've
created God in your own image
when it turns out that God hates
all the same people you do.
- Anne Lamott
Knowing your own darkness is the best method
for dealing with the darknesses of other people.
- Carl Jung
"Appeasement" is the policy of feeding your friends to a crocodile,
one at a time, in hopes that the crocodile will eat you last.
- Franklin D. Roosevelt
A true friend is one who
overlooks your failures
and tolerates your success.
- Doug Larson
Except in cases of necessity, which are rare,
leave your friend to learn
unpleasant things from his enemies;
they are ready enough to tell them.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
Never try to teach a pig to sing.
It wastes your time, and it annoys the pig.
- Mark Twain
Please sign up on the form below to receive
my Free Daily Inspiration - Daily Quotes email.
You can also search my large collection of Funny Quotes.
May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.