If you think in terms of a year, plant a seed;
if in terms of ten years, plant trees;
if in terms of 100 years, teach the people.
- Confucius
Never give a sword to a man who can't dance.
- Confucius
Everything has beauty,
but not everyone sees it.
- Confucius 
Life is really simple,
but we insist on making it complicated.
- Confucius
Wherever you go, go with all your heart.
- Confucius
Study the past, if you would divine the future.
- Confucius
Choose a job you love,
and you will never have to work a day in your life.
- Confucius
To know everything is to know nothing,
but to know nothing is to know everything.
- Confucius
Never impose on others what
you would not choose for yourself.
- Confucius (Ancient Chinese)
Our greatest glory is not in never falling,
but in rising every time we fall.
- Confucius
Music produces a kind of pleasure
which human nature cannot do without.
- Confucius
They must often change,
who would be constant in happiness or wisdom.
- Confucius
If you look into your own heart,
and you find nothing wrong there,
what is there to worry about?
What is there to fear?
- Confucius
Success depends upon previous preparation,
and without such preparation there is sure to be failure.
- Confucius
The gem cannot be polished without friction,
nor man perfected without trials.
- Confucius
Remember, no matter where you go, there you are.
- Confucius
Heaven means to be one with God.
- Confucius
"To know" is to know that you know nothing.
That is the meaning of true knowledge.
- Confucius
To be wronged is nothing unless you continue to remember it.
- Confucius
Real knowledge is to know the extent of one's ignorance.
- Confucius
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living;
the world owes you nothing; it was here first.
- Mark Twain
It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed)
Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)
If you do what you've always done,
you'll get what you always got.
- Mark Twain
However beautiful the strategy,
you should occasionally look at the results.
- Winston Churchill
Yesterday is like a dung heap;
you can complain about the smell,
or you can use it to fertilize tomorrow's garden.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
You can put wings on a pig,
but you don't make it an eagle.
- William J. Clinton
You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog.
- Harry S. Truman
(Groom), take (Bride)'s hand and place your hand over hers.
Now, remember this moment and cherish it...
because this will be the last time you ever have the upper hand.
- Anonymous
When you are courting a nice girl
an hour seems like a second.
When you sit on a red-hot cinder
a second seems like an hour.
That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein
To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the wedding cup,
Whenever you're wrong, admit it;
Whenever you're right, shut up.
- Ogden Nash
When I first saw you, I thought you were handsome.
Then, of course, you spoke.
- the movie As Good As It Gets (1997)
You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle
When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain
Marriage has no guarantees.
If that's what you're looking for,
go live with a car battery.
- Erma Bombeck
You ask me if I keep a notebook
to record my great ideas.
I've only ever had one.
- Albert Einstein
If love is the answer,
could you please rephrase the question.
- Lily Tomlin
Tragedy is when I cut my finger.
Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.
- Mel Brooks
One great thing about getting old is that
you can get out of all sorts of social obligations
just by saying you're too tired.
- George Carlin
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell -
you see, I have friends in both places.
- Mark Twain
To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories
And you just gotta remember, Sparky -
no matter what they tell you - you can NEVER have too much sugar.
- the movie Michael (1996)
You know what? Maybe there's a good reason
donkeys shouldn't talk.
- the movie Shrek (2001)
There's a couple of things they don't teach you
in Harvard Business School,
one is how to cope with defeat,
the other is how to handle a shotgun.
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)
Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
You want to do mankind a real service?
Tell funnier jokes.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories (1980)
The proper office of a friend is to side with you
when you are in the wrong.
Nearly anybody will side with you when you are in the right.
- Mark Twain
You have to learn to push the guilt
under the rug and move on,
otherwise it overwhelms you.
- the Woody Allen movie Match Point
No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective
When your friends begin to flatter
you on how young you look,
it's a sure sign you're getting old.
- Mark Twain
You'll live to be a hundred if you give up
all the things that make you want to.
- the movie Interiors
If you don't know where you are going,
you might wind up someplace else.
- Yogi Berra
Always remember the three magic words: You're right dear.
- Anonymous
Thank you, gentlemen. Someday I will repay you,
unless of course I can't find you, or if I forget.
- the movie Shrek 2
Where did you park the invisible car?
- the movie Megamind (2010)
Oh, Shrek. Don't worry.
Things just seem bad because it's dark and rainy
and Fiona's father hired a sleazy hitman to whack you.
- the movie Shrek 2
Now, if you don't mind, I'd appreciate it if you could lower your wand.
- the movie Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
Of all the things that could frighten you,
you worry about my driving?
- Edward, from Twilight saga by Stephenie Meyer
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
Will the people in the cheaper seats clap your hands?
And the rest of you, if you'll just rattle your jewelry.
- John Lennon
Life's like Vegas. You're up, you're down,
but in the end the house always wins.
Doesn't mean you didn't have fun.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove (1964)
Be careful about reading health books.
You may die of a misprint.
- Mark Twain
Half the people you know are below average.
- Anonymous
New Yorkers love it when you spill your guts out there.
Spill your guts at Wimbledon and they make you stop and clean it up.
- Jimmy Carter
There are two things that are more difficult
than making an after-dinner speech:
climbing a wall which is leaning toward you
and kissing a girl who is leaning away from you.
- Winston Churchill
If at first you don't succeed,
skydiving is not for you.
- Anonymous
When everything comes your way
you're in the wrong lane.
- Anonymous
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
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