If you don't risk anything, you risk even more.
- Erica Jong
He who can take advice is sometimes superior
to him who can give it.
- Erica Jong
We are finally driven to monogamy
not by morality but by exhaustion.
- Erica Jong
Gossip is the opiate of the oppressed.
- Erica Jong
Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer
but wish we didn't.
- Erica Jong 
Jealousy is all the fun you think they had.
- Erica Jong
Take your life in your own hands, and what happens?
A terrible thing: no one to blame.
- Erica Jong
Betrayal betrays the betrayer.
- Erica Jong
I have accepted fear as a part of life -
specifically the fear of change...
I have gone ahead despite the pounding
in the heart that says: turn back.
- Erica Jong
Hate generalizes; love is particular.
- Erica Jong
Solitude is considered un-American.
- Erica Jong
The trouble is,
if you don't risk anything,
you risk even more.
- Erica Jong
Driving me away is easier than saying goodbye.
- Erica Jong
The trick is not how much pain you feel -
but how much joy you feel
- Erica Jong
Men have always detested women's gossip
because they suspect the truth:
their measurements are being taken and compared.
- Erica Jong
No one ever found wisdom without also being a fool.
Writers, alas, have to be fools in public,
while the rest of the human race can cover its tracks.
- Erica Jong
Because I loved myself, I was loved.
- Erica Jong
The best slave does not need to be beaten. She beats herself.
- Erica Jong
Friends love misery, in fact.
Sometimes, especially if we are too lucky
or too successful or too pretty,
our misery is the only thing that endears us to our friends.
- Erica Jong
Love is serene and calm
- Erica Jong
My reaction to porno films is as follows; After the first ten minutes,
I want to go home and screw; After the first twenty minutes,
I never want to screw again as long as I live
- Erica Jong
In a bad marriage, friends are the invisible glue.
If we have enough friends, we may go on for years,
intending to leave, talking about leaving -
instead of actually getting up and leaving.
- Erica Jong
Love gives without taking
- Erica Jong
If sex and creativity are often
seen by dictators as subversive activities,
it's because they lead to the knowledge
that you own your own body
(and with it your own voice), and that's
the most revolutionary insight of all.
- Erica Jong
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living;
the world owes you nothing; it was here first.
- Mark Twain
Yesterday is like a dung heap;
you can complain about the smell,
or you can use it to fertilize tomorrow's garden.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed)
Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)
However beautiful the strategy,
you should occasionally look at the results.
- Winston Churchill
If you do what you've always done,
you'll get what you always got.
- Mark Twain
To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories
You're already a bastard.
Might as well be an enlightened one.
- the movie Simon Birch
You'll live to be a hundred if you give up
all the things that make you want to.
- the movie Interiors
The proper office of a friend is to side with you
when you are in the wrong.
Nearly anybody will side with you when you are in the right.
- Mark Twain
Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove (1964)
You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog.
- Harry S. Truman
Well, you ask a silly question, and you get a silly answer.
- Tom Lehrer
DON'T get officious.
You're not yourself when you're officious -
That is the curse of a government job.
- the movie Harold and Maude (1971)
A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next
to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles
You know what? Maybe there's a good reason
donkeys shouldn't talk.
- the movie Shrek (2001)
Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
He early on let her know who is the boss.
He looked her right in the eye and clearly said, "You're the boss."
- Anonymous humor
Life's like Vegas. You're up, you're down,
but in the end the house always wins.
Doesn't mean you didn't have fun.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
When your friends begin to flatter
you on how young you look,
it's a sure sign you're getting old.
- Mark Twain
You ask me if I keep a notebook
to record my great ideas.
I've only ever had one.
- Albert Einstein
And you just gotta remember, Sparky -
no matter what they tell you - you can NEVER have too much sugar.
- the movie Michael (1996)
A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
- Erma Bombeck
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell -
you see, I have friends in both places.
- Mark Twain
Where did you park the invisible car?
- the movie Megamind (2010)
You can put wings on a pig,
but you don't make it an eagle.
- William J. Clinton
You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Now, if you don't mind, I'd appreciate it if you could lower your wand.
- the movie Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
The worst part of success is to try to find
someone who is happy for you.
- Bette Midler
(Groom), take (Bride)'s hand and place your hand over hers.
Now, remember this moment and cherish it...
because this will be the last time you ever have the upper hand.
- Anonymous
If you don't know where you are going,
you might wind up someplace else.
- Yogi Berra
You know, it takes two to get one in trouble.
- the movie She Done Him Wrong (1933)
Afraid? Me? A man who's licked
his weight in wild caterpillars?
Afraid? You bet I'm afraid!
- Groucho Marx
If at first you don't succeed,
skydiving is not for you.
- Anonymous
You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle
Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek
Half the people you know are below average.
- Anonymous
You want to do mankind a real service?
Tell funnier jokes.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories (1980)
When I first saw you, I thought you were handsome.
Then, of course, you spoke.
- the movie As Good As It Gets (1997)
When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain
A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend -
and he's a priest.
- Erma Bombeck
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
I read that you should never go out with someone
if you can think of three reasons why you shouldn't.
- the movie Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason (2004)
Be careful about reading health books.
You may die of a misprint.
- Mark Twain
You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly,
but I bet you ain't never seen a DONKEY fly!
- the movie Shrek (2001)
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.