
If you have men who will exclude any of God's creatures
from the shelter of compassion and pity,
you will have men who will deal likewise with their fellow men.
- St. Francis of Assisi
Lord, grant that I might not so much
seek to be loved as to love.
- St. Francis of Assisi 
O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek
to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive;
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.
- St. Francis of Assisi
Start by doing what's necessary;
then do what's possible;
and suddenly you are doing the impossible.
- St. Francis of Assisi
Where there is injury let me sow pardon.
- St. Francis of Assisi
While you are proclaiming peace with your lips,
be careful to have it even more fully in your heart.
- St. Francis of Assisi
Lord, make me an instrument of thy peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love.
- St. Francis of Assisi
Lord, make me an instrument of your peace,
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
...
For it is in giving that we receive;
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned.
- attributed to St. Francis of Assisi
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned.
- St. Francis of Assisi
It is no use walking anywhere to preach
unless our walking is our preaching.
- St. Francis of Assisi
No one is to be called an enemy,
all are your benefactors, and no one does you harm.
You have no enemy except yourselves.
- St. Francis of Assisi
Grant me the treasure of sublime poverty.
- St. Francis of Assisi
Lord, make me an instrument of thy peace.
- St Francis of Assisi
For it is in giving that we receive.
- St. Francis of Assisi
Where there is charity and wisdom,
there is neither fear nor ignorance.
- St. Francis of Assisi
It is not fitting, when one is in God's service,
to have a gloomy face or a chilling look.
- St. Francis of Assisi
The Prayer of St. Francis of Assisi
Lord, make me an instrument of your peace,
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
where there is sadness, joy.
O Divine Master,
grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive;
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.
- although attributed to St. Francis of Assisi,
this prayer first appeared (written in French) in 1912
I have been all things unholy.
If God can work through me, he can work through anyone.
- St. Francis of Assisi
Above all the grace and the gifts
that Christ gives to his beloved
is that of overcoming self.
- St. Francis of Assisi
Preach the Gospel at all times and when necessary use words.
- St. Francis of Assisi
If God can work through me, he can work through anyone.
- St. Francis of Assisi
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living;
the world owes you nothing; it was here first.
- Mark Twain
Yesterday is like a dung heap;
you can complain about the smell,
or you can use it to fertilize tomorrow's garden.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
If you do what you've always done,
you'll get what you always got.
- Mark Twain
Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)
It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed)
However beautiful the strategy,
you should occasionally look at the results.
- Winston Churchill
There's no reason to become alarmed,
and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight.
By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?
- the movie Airplane!
A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend -
and he's a priest.
- Erma Bombeck
When everything comes your way
you're in the wrong lane.
- Anonymous
He early on let her know who is the boss.
He looked her right in the eye and clearly said, "You're the boss."
- Anonymous humor
You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly,
but I bet you ain't never seen a DONKEY fly!
- the movie Shrek (2001)
You know, it takes two to get one in trouble.
- the movie She Done Him Wrong (1933)
You want to do mankind a real service?
Tell funnier jokes.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories (1980)
New Yorkers love it when you spill your guts out there.
Spill your guts at Wimbledon and they make you stop and clean it up.
- Jimmy Carter
Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
If love is the answer,
could you please rephrase the question.
- Lily Tomlin
You're already a bastard.
Might as well be an enlightened one.
- the movie Simon Birch
You can't make an omelet without breaking eggs.
- Anonymous
When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain
Oh no, I can't do anything to the death.
Doctor's orders. You see, I have this ulcer condition,
and death is the worst thing for it.
- the movie Love and Death
Where did you park the invisible car?
- the movie Megamind (2010)
To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories
When I first saw you, I thought you were handsome.
Then, of course, you spoke.
- the movie As Good As It Gets (1997)
When your friends begin to flatter
you on how young you look,
it's a sure sign you're getting old.
- Mark Twain
You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog.
- Harry S. Truman
Half the people you know are below average.
- Anonymous
(Groom), take (Bride)'s hand and place your hand over hers.
Now, remember this moment and cherish it...
because this will be the last time you ever have the upper hand.
- Anonymous
Always remember the three magic words: You're right dear.
- Anonymous
Life's like Vegas. You're up, you're down,
but in the end the house always wins.
Doesn't mean you didn't have fun.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
Marriage has no guarantees.
If that's what you're looking for,
go live with a car battery.
- Erma Bombeck
Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove (1964)
Of all the things that could frighten you,
you worry about my driving?
- Edward, from Twilight saga by Stephenie Meyer
You can put wings on a pig,
but you don't make it an eagle.
- William J. Clinton
Oh, Shrek. Don't worry.
Things just seem bad because it's dark and rainy
and Fiona's father hired a sleazy hitman to whack you.
- the movie Shrek 2
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell -
you see, I have friends in both places.
- Mark Twain
A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
- Erma Bombeck
I read that you should never go out with someone
if you can think of three reasons why you shouldn't.
- the movie Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason (2004)
I got a good mind to join a club
and beat you over the head with it.
- the Groucho Marx movie Duck Soup
You'll live to be a hundred if you give up
all the things that make you want to.
- the movie Interiors
The proper office of a friend is to side with you
when you are in the wrong.
Nearly anybody will side with you when you are in the right.
- Mark Twain
Afraid? Me? A man who's licked
his weight in wild caterpillars?
Afraid? You bet I'm afraid!
- Groucho Marx
And you just gotta remember, Sparky -
no matter what they tell you - you can NEVER have too much sugar.
- the movie Michael (1996)
No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective
To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the wedding cup,
Whenever you're wrong, admit it;
Whenever you're right, shut up.
- Ogden Nash
When you are courting a nice girl
an hour seems like a second.
When you sit on a red-hot cinder
a second seems like an hour.
That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein
You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
One great thing about getting old is that
you can get out of all sorts of social obligations
just by saying you're too tired.
- George Carlin
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.