If you look into your own heart,
and you find nothing wrong there,
what is there to worry about?
What is there to fear?
- Confucius
Never give a sword to a man who can't dance.
- Confucius
Everything has beauty,
but not everyone sees it.
- Confucius 
Life is really simple,
but we insist on making it complicated.
- Confucius
Never impose on others what
you would not choose for yourself.
- Confucius (Ancient Chinese)
Choose a job you love,
and you will never have to work a day in your life.
- Confucius
To be wronged is nothing unless you continue to remember it.
- Confucius
Wherever you go, go with all your heart.
- Confucius
"To know" is to know that you know nothing.
That is the meaning of true knowledge.
- Confucius
Real knowledge is to know the extent of one's ignorance.
- Confucius
Our greatest glory is not in never falling,
but in rising every time we fall.
- Confucius
Study the past, if you would divine the future.
- Confucius
The gem cannot be polished without friction,
nor man perfected without trials.
- Confucius
Success depends upon previous preparation,
and without such preparation there is sure to be failure.
- Confucius
They must often change,
who would be constant in happiness or wisdom.
- Confucius
Remember, no matter where you go, there you are.
- Confucius
Music produces a kind of pleasure
which human nature cannot do without.
- Confucius
Heaven means to be one with God.
- Confucius
If you think in terms of a year, plant a seed;
if in terms of ten years, plant trees;
if in terms of 100 years, teach the people.
- Confucius
To know everything is to know nothing,
but to know nothing is to know everything.
- Confucius
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living;
the world owes you nothing; it was here first.
- Mark Twain
If you do what you've always done,
you'll get what you always got.
- Mark Twain
Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed)
However beautiful the strategy,
you should occasionally look at the results.
- Winston Churchill
If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)
Yesterday is like a dung heap;
you can complain about the smell,
or you can use it to fertilize tomorrow's garden.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
You can put wings on a pig,
but you don't make it an eagle.
- William J. Clinton
When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain
Life's like Vegas. You're up, you're down,
but in the end the house always wins.
Doesn't mean you didn't have fun.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
The proper office of a friend is to side with you
when you are in the wrong.
Nearly anybody will side with you when you are in the right.
- Mark Twain
New Yorkers love it when you spill your guts out there.
Spill your guts at Wimbledon and they make you stop and clean it up.
- Jimmy Carter
There's a couple of things they don't teach you
in Harvard Business School,
one is how to cope with defeat,
the other is how to handle a shotgun.
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)
Now, if you don't mind, I'd appreciate it if you could lower your wand.
- the movie Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
DON'T get officious.
You're not yourself when you're officious -
That is the curse of a government job.
- the movie Harold and Maude (1971)
One great thing about getting old is that
you can get out of all sorts of social obligations
just by saying you're too tired.
- George Carlin
There are two things that are more difficult
than making an after-dinner speech:
climbing a wall which is leaning toward you
and kissing a girl who is leaning away from you.
- Winston Churchill
Afraid? Me? A man who's licked
his weight in wild caterpillars?
Afraid? You bet I'm afraid!
- Groucho Marx
To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the wedding cup,
Whenever you're wrong, admit it;
Whenever you're right, shut up.
- Ogden Nash
Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove (1964)
When your friends begin to flatter
you on how young you look,
it's a sure sign you're getting old.
- Mark Twain
Where did you park the invisible car?
- the movie Megamind (2010)
You know what? Maybe there's a good reason
donkeys shouldn't talk.
- the movie Shrek (2001)
To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories
You can't make an omelet without breaking eggs.
- Anonymous
You want to do mankind a real service?
Tell funnier jokes.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories (1980)
I got a good mind to join a club
and beat you over the head with it.
- the Groucho Marx movie Duck Soup
I read that you should never go out with someone
if you can think of three reasons why you shouldn't.
- the movie Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason (2004)
Will the people in the cheaper seats clap your hands?
And the rest of you, if you'll just rattle your jewelry.
- John Lennon
Oh no, I can't do anything to the death.
Doctor's orders. You see, I have this ulcer condition,
and death is the worst thing for it.
- the movie Love and Death
A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
- Erma Bombeck
You ask me if I keep a notebook
to record my great ideas.
I've only ever had one.
- Albert Einstein
When I first saw you, I thought you were handsome.
Then, of course, you spoke.
- the movie As Good As It Gets (1997)
You'll live to be a hundred if you give up
all the things that make you want to.
- the movie Interiors
And you just gotta remember, Sparky -
no matter what they tell you - you can NEVER have too much sugar.
- the movie Michael (1996)
He early on let her know who is the boss.
He looked her right in the eye and clearly said, "You're the boss."
- Anonymous humor
Of all the things that could frighten you,
you worry about my driving?
- Edward, from Twilight saga by Stephenie Meyer
Thank you, gentlemen. Someday I will repay you,
unless of course I can't find you, or if I forget.
- the movie Shrek 2
Be careful about reading health books.
You may die of a misprint.
- Mark Twain
You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog.
- Harry S. Truman
Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek
Always remember the three magic words: You're right dear.
- Anonymous
If love is the answer,
could you please rephrase the question.
- Lily Tomlin
Oh, Shrek. Don't worry.
Things just seem bad because it's dark and rainy
and Fiona's father hired a sleazy hitman to whack you.
- the movie Shrek 2
Marriage has no guarantees.
If that's what you're looking for,
go live with a car battery.
- Erma Bombeck
The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
You know, it takes two to get one in trouble.
- the movie She Done Him Wrong (1933)
The worst part of success is to try to find
someone who is happy for you.
- Bette Midler
A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend -
and he's a priest.
- Erma Bombeck
There's no reason to become alarmed,
and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight.
By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?
- the movie Airplane!
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.