You can choose to be peaceful right here and now ...
it has nothing to do with what other people do or think.
- Gerald Jampolsky
Other people do not have to change
for us to experience peace of mind.
- Gerald Jampolsky
It's not the situation that's causing your stress,
it's your thoughts,
and you can change that right here and now.
You can choose to be peaceful right here and now.
Peace is a choice,
and it has nothing to do with
what other people do or think.
- Gerald Jampolsky
I can only have peace of mind when I forgive rather than judge.
- Gerald Jampolsky
Love is the total absence of fear.
Love asks no questions.
Its natural state is one of extension and expansion,
not comparison and measurement.
- Gerald Jampolsky
When I am able to resist the temptation to judge others,
I can see them as teachers.
- Gerald Jampolsky
Inner peace can be reached
only when we practice forgiveness ...
letting go of the past,
and correcting our misperceptions.
- Gerald Jampolsky
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living;
the world owes you nothing; it was here first.
- Mark Twain
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
Yesterday is like a dung heap;
you can complain about the smell,
or you can use it to fertilize tomorrow's garden.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
However beautiful the strategy,
you should occasionally look at the results.
- Winston Churchill
If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)
It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed)
Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
If you do what you've always done,
you'll get what you always got.
- Mark Twain
The proper office of a friend is to side with you
when you are in the wrong.
Nearly anybody will side with you when you are in the right.
- Mark Twain
Life's like Vegas. You're up, you're down,
but in the end the house always wins.
Doesn't mean you didn't have fun.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous
Be careful about reading health books.
You may die of a misprint.
- Mark Twain
If at first you don't succeed,
skydiving is not for you.
- Anonymous
Where did you park the invisible car?
- the movie Megamind (2010)
The worst part of success is to try to find
someone who is happy for you.
- Bette Midler
A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next
to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles
You know, it takes two to get one in trouble.
- the movie She Done Him Wrong (1933)
Half the people you know are below average.
- Anonymous
Marriage has no guarantees.
If that's what you're looking for,
go live with a car battery.
- Erma Bombeck
When your friends begin to flatter
you on how young you look,
it's a sure sign you're getting old.
- Mark Twain
You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle
When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain
Always remember the three magic words: You're right dear.
- Anonymous
You can put wings on a pig,
but you don't make it an eagle.
- William J. Clinton
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
If you don't know where you are going,
you might wind up someplace else.
- Yogi Berra
And you just gotta remember, Sparky -
no matter what they tell you - you can NEVER have too much sugar.
- the movie Michael (1996)
Afraid? Me? A man who's licked
his weight in wild caterpillars?
Afraid? You bet I'm afraid!
- Groucho Marx
Oh no, I can't do anything to the death.
Doctor's orders. You see, I have this ulcer condition,
and death is the worst thing for it.
- the movie Love and Death
There's a couple of things they don't teach you
in Harvard Business School,
one is how to cope with defeat,
the other is how to handle a shotgun.
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)
You know what? Maybe there's a good reason
donkeys shouldn't talk.
- the movie Shrek (2001)
There are two things that are more difficult
than making an after-dinner speech:
climbing a wall which is leaning toward you
and kissing a girl who is leaning away from you.
- Winston Churchill
I read that you should never go out with someone
if you can think of three reasons why you shouldn't.
- the movie Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason (2004)
Will the people in the cheaper seats clap your hands?
And the rest of you, if you'll just rattle your jewelry.
- John Lennon
You want to do mankind a real service?
Tell funnier jokes.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories (1980)
To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories
You'll live to be a hundred if you give up
all the things that make you want to.
- the movie Interiors
DON'T get officious.
You're not yourself when you're officious -
That is the curse of a government job.
- the movie Harold and Maude (1971)
A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
- Erma Bombeck
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell -
you see, I have friends in both places.
- Mark Twain
Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
You ask me if I keep a notebook
to record my great ideas.
I've only ever had one.
- Albert Einstein
To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the wedding cup,
Whenever you're wrong, admit it;
Whenever you're right, shut up.
- Ogden Nash
You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog.
- Harry S. Truman
You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly,
but I bet you ain't never seen a DONKEY fly!
- the movie Shrek (2001)
He early on let her know who is the boss.
He looked her right in the eye and clearly said, "You're the boss."
- Anonymous humor
There's no reason to become alarmed,
and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight.
By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?
- the movie Airplane!
Tragedy is when I cut my finger.
Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.
- Mel Brooks
You're already a bastard.
Might as well be an enlightened one.
- the movie Simon Birch
When you are courting a nice girl
an hour seems like a second.
When you sit on a red-hot cinder
a second seems like an hour.
That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein
No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective
New Yorkers love it when you spill your guts out there.
Spill your guts at Wimbledon and they make you stop and clean it up.
- Jimmy Carter
A relationship, I think, is like a shark.
You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall (1977)
You can't make an omelet without breaking eggs.
- Anonymous
When I first saw you, I thought you were handsome.
Then, of course, you spoke.
- the movie As Good As It Gets (1997)
A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend -
and he's a priest.
- Erma Bombeck
Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove (1964)
You have to learn to push the guilt
under the rug and move on,
otherwise it overwhelms you.
- the Woody Allen movie Match Point
When everything comes your way
you're in the wrong lane.
- Anonymous
Oh, Shrek. Don't worry.
Things just seem bad because it's dark and rainy
and Fiona's father hired a sleazy hitman to whack you.
- the movie Shrek 2
You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Thank you, gentlemen. Someday I will repay you,
unless of course I can't find you, or if I forget.
- the movie Shrek 2
I got a good mind to join a club
and beat you over the head with it.
- the Groucho Marx movie Duck Soup
Well, you ask a silly question, and you get a silly answer.
- Tom Lehrer
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.